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PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 11:08 pm 

Joined: Mon May 31, 2010 10:32 pm
Posts: 3
I don't want this post to be excessively long.Here is the dilemma :-
A girl in her new school has effectively bullied my daughter and others(term 1 ).E.G telling her that she "won't be her friend if she is nice to Sally (not real name)" - a girl she dislikes.She has told her things such as " no one likes you - leave the school".It has been worse to others e.g spreading rumours that girls have had abortions.(Year 7 !)There have been some clashes that have ended in tears.
The girl's mum is nice but oblivious of the worst of it all and thinks it is just a "personality clash".The school were made aware of it by me at this point and wanted to "help the girls to move on"
After these events my DD pulled away and joined another "group" :roll:All was failry fine and quiet.

The girl and her sidekicks have recently started sitting again with Dd and friends.
This weekend , alerted by another child, she has come across "modified" pictures of my DD posted by this girl followed by jeering comments from her cronies. There were other negative postings about her.There are more incidents of physical bullying and namecalling but this would make the post too long.

Should I just tell DD to pull away from this group of friends. None of them stand up to this girl and there are a large group who do and are friendly to my daughter. This girl does seem to organise to hurt others.Parents are very, very , very involved in the PTA.Dad regularly speaks at parent teacher meetings.
.I have printed off the facebook cruelty - I have proof.

DD is well liked enough to pick up and start again and just ignore this. Sadly though someone else will become the next victim.If I complain this time it will ramp it all up and could make things worse for her.She is happy to "pull away".
For the first time in my parenting life , I genuinely have no instinct for the right thing for my daughter...please help. :(

Last edited by despondentmum on Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:38 am 

Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:07 pm
Posts: 501
What a hideous tale of horrible girls - they are often at their worst at this age, and imo far worse than boys.
I know what you mean - children will often ask you not to say anything it will make it worse etc, but every school must have a policy to deal with bullying. I would definitely go straight in, armed with evidence and insist something is done. I'm sure your DD will be relieved, it is possible teachers think things are cleared up when they aren't so keep them informed, even of tiny things. Bullies are often miserable themselves so you will be doing the whole group a big favour.

It sounds as if it's gone on long enough - good luck.

WW ***

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:36 am 

Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:28 pm
Posts: 2439
Its a clear case of bullying! My gut instinct is that you have to go and tell the form teacher/head of year (not sure who) about whats going on. The little incidents may be minor in themselves but thay all add up.

Also, you should advise your daughter to move away to a nicer group of people.

Other people on this forum wil be able to advise you on exactly what steps to take, and who to talk to, but you must take action.

cyber hug for you all!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:41 am 

Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 9:23 pm
Posts: 514
I agree with wonderwoman and pheasantchick - it is definitely a case of bullying and needs to be sorted before it excalates.

If you don't stick up for your daughter who else will?

You definitely need to go and see her from tutor or head of year. As others have said they are probably blissfully unaware that things are still carrying on.

This girl obviously needs help herself and hopefully by you bringing the matter to the school's attention, again, they can do something to help her.

Good luck to you and your DD - thinking of you in this horrible situation but bullies should not be allowed to get away with it. I cannot abide bullying.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:46 am 

Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:15 pm
Posts: 28

A well known saying for you to consider ...

'All it takes for evil to florish is for good men to do nothing.'

You know you must address this.

Good luck!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:48 am 

Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 10:31 am
Posts: 57
Speak to the head of year, take your FB printout. Also report this to FB -get the offending post on screen then scroll down to the bottom left to 'Report/Block this person'.

This is all totally unacceptable and must be dealt with by the school. Kidscape has a bullying helpline for parents if you need to talk it through. http://www.kidscape.org.uk/info/contacts.shtml .

I hope you can get it sorted out quickly.

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:52 am 

Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:20 pm
Posts: 4660
Oh my, it makes my heart sink just reading this sort of stuff, never mind having to deal with it as you have to!

What a nasty horrible little girl the bully is, this needs to be sorted - and quick!!!

I would inform the form tutor (out of courtesy) that you consider this such a serious series of incidents that you are taking it straight to head of year/lower school. Have a face to face meeting with them, but also put everything into writing, and supply copies of your 'evidence'. Let them know what you expect them to do (and I would include moving dd to another class which at least puts her out of the immediate line of attack from this girl). If you get no co-operation from them take it higher IE: head and Governors.

Your daughter will be all the stronger for this and the experience will make her a better person for it (just a shame she has to go through it in the first place though :cry: ).

Do let us know how you get on and what course of action is taken won't you?

Best wishes to you and dd.


PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 7:56 am 

Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 6204
despondentmum wrote:
DD is well liked enough to pick up and start again and just ignore this. Sadly though someone else will become the next victim.:(

I don't think you have a choice - you have to do something. Somebody else's child may not be strong enough / have the support you have given to your DD to cope.

Good luck I really feel for you but fear not you will have support here.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad !

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:11 am 

Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2009 1:35 pm
Posts: 290
Location: kent
Please, please do not hesitate to contact the school without delay and tell them everything, along with all the proof you mention. To my utter shame I dithered about when my dd was experiencing such problems because she begged me not to approach the school and things got very much worse!
As her parent you need to take control and make the school aware of this situation, formulate a plan of action with them and be open and honest with your daughter about why this behaviour is unnacceptable and she is not expected to just 'put up with it'. She is being bullied and needs support from all quarters before the situation deteriorates even further.
Please don't make the mistake I did. By the time I realised how bad it had become, the damage to my daughter was very difficult to repair. She has emerged (finally) strong and assertive with higher self esteem, but I will always feel like I let her down at a really difficult time in her young life ,by intervening too late!

All the best to you and your daughter. Please do not wait to take action!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:38 am 

Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:57 pm
Posts: 151
Location: London
couldnt agree more with everyone's comments - terrible situation that needs you to take immediate action

one thing I would add for what it's worth - from thinking about how my own DD would respond - is that I would it make it very clear this is a time when you need to make the decisions and not her. Children at this age hate parents getting involved, dont want to be seen to be telling etc and generally are responding to the increased responsibility and independance we're giving them. But in this instance I think you absolutely need to be the parent and let her be the child. Make it clear it is an unacceptable situation - not one where there's any doubt about what to do - the behaviour is wrong, needs reporting and needs to be stopped. You will take action because you're an dult who recognises when things are wrong etc etc

Stand up to the bullies because you're old enough to do it- and hopefully the school will put its policies into action. Keep on at them, politely but firmly, until they take real action to address it

Good luck with it, I doubt it will be easy but I do think it's important for your DD to see you take charge of the situation and support her

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