Another "rewards" thread with a rant thrown in :)

[zorro]

CM, I think you are right about the spare cash that parents at grammar schools have. My DS goes to indie and even the very well off families never give their kids things like iphones just for Y7 and Y8 exams. In fact they all seem to be pretty sensible and none of my son's friends are 'spoiled'.

[Loopyloulou]

I'm absolutely behind you all the way CM. Children shouldn't be taught to expect material rewards for doing their best, what a lesson that is for life!

I do sometimes give mine something if they have been extraordinary, but only after the event and not so that they could ever come to expect it.

[KB]

Nothing wrong with celebrating hard earned good results in a measured way but I find even the £30 per A* as a pre agreed payment rather a sad reflection of the relationship bewteen parent and child & of the child's attitude to education.
As for getting a car for good GCSE results - will they get a house for good A levels?!!

[Lulu]

I particularly liked one of my friend' s approach to this problem. She suggested to her very bright DS that whilst she might be prepared to discuss a small amount of money for each A* he gets, she would only do that if he agreed to give her the same amount of money for every A he didn't get. I believe the negotiations ended quite soon after that.

Lulu

[Amber]

Am I being supremely naive and old-fashioned in thinking that a good crop of grades is reward in itself? Goodness, I was so excited when I saw my 'O' Level results (and this was in the days when you didn't get all As) that you couldn't bring me down for days. I had no presents, no money, no special meals, just big hugs and congratulations. Same for 'A' Levels, and then when I got my degree, got taken out for a meal - which because I was a starving student, was the best reward possible. I think there is a fine line between bribery and reward; and that children should be encouraged to be proud of their achievements for their own sake.

I also agree with the point made about GS children perhaps getting more rewards, but then you could argue that the type of parent who is keen to have a child in GS is more likely to want to make big or public gestures celebrating achievement.

My lot will get the same as I did..love and hugs, no matter what grades they get.

[U400JB9]

I particularly liked one of my friend' s approach to this problem. She suggested to her very bright DS that whilst she might be prepared to discuss a small amount of money for each A* he gets, she would only do that if he agreed to give her the same amount of money for every A he didn't get. I believe the negotiations ended quite soon after that.

Lulu

Oh now I like that idea too

[MasterChief]

The thing with a reward is that it is tangible. I have no problem with rewarding my children within reason if they obtain the results.
In my working life I am required to undergo a Performance Related review to obtain a payrise. If this is the case in the world of business, why not prepare children for it in school?

[sherry_d]

My Father gave me what was a "substantial" amount when I passed my A levels. I then had a boyfriend who I had been seeing for 2 months and he was moving house and didnt have enough money. When he heard about my jackport he jumped on it too and I never saw a penny of that money.

I have turned to be the complete opposite, just a few rewards here and there and DD seem the only one who doesnt get pocket money, she just ask for what she wants and if reasonable and within budget we just get it. Occassionally on birthdays or Christmas she may get some money from family.

One thing I never understand is parents who bribe or pay their kids to do housework

[Looking for help]

I particularly liked one of my friend' s approach to this problem. She suggested to her very bright DS that whilst she might be prepared to discuss a small amount of money for each A* he gets, she would only do that if he agreed to give her the same amount of money for every A he didn't get. I believe the negotiations ended quite soon after that.

Lulu

That's the way to do it

Although if you have the 10 A* student, it may backfire slightly

[Chelmsford mum]

The thing with a reward is that it is tangible. I have no problem with rewarding my children within reason if they obtain the results.
In my working life I am required to undergo a Performance Related review to obtain a payrise. If this is the case in the world of business, why not prepare children for it in school?

I understand the analogy Masterchief but the whole exam rewarding scheme still bothers me.

I have regular reviews too at work and if I am judged to be outstanding, I just get a word of encouragement.This is true in sooo many forms of employment.Your reward is your continued employment - the work itself, and perhaps the bonus of the respect of your line manager.
I have one relative in a commission based employment (he gets a basic salary too) but I have been reflecting on the work of my close friends and family and , aside from him, they are in the same position as me.Working hard does not bring increased financial rewards in many circumstances and the people I work along side, who may not work as hard as I do, get the same 1. ?% cost of living rise each year.

I just believe that we need to encourage our children to be self motivated .They may well enter the world of business that you describe but they may become nurses, teachers, librarians, administrators, etc and when the alarm goes off in the dark winter mornings , they need self motivation. They need to have found the integrity of work itself.I don't know if I am being clear or not? I mean a work ethic.

My sister is a manager in car insurance and they employ a lot of school leavers.She despairs of the vast majority of them.Her perspective is (she has no children ) that their parents are constantly bailing them out financially and literally.She knows from the "office gossip" when one of them is very hungover but Mum or dad will ring up for them and say they have the flu.It seems to her that their wages mean little to them because mum and dad are always throwing them 50 quid here and there to go out or "treat themselves".
(BTW Many of these children come in with high grades in some GCSEs and cannot compose a letter, but that's another thread!)

When she calls them in for repeated lateness, being hung over often, regular absences she says that many of them say "I don't really like work though" and it is only a matter of time before mum or dad ring in to hand in their notice for them I think this is the outworking of not teaching children self disicpline and motivation.I am going to sound very mean now but no child of mine, living at home, would be encouraged to leave a job without very good reason, unless they had found another.Perhaps I sound harsh I am not saying that rewarding GCSEs results in this outcome.I am giving an extreme, but very real , example.In its own small way though, I am concerned that my children are self motivated and have self disipline and that they recognise that success in life depends on their own attitudes- not what mum and dad can do for them.
I don't know, perhpas I am over thinking this. I had a very different upbringing to that which my children are having.They have so many opportunities I suppose I am just concerned that they realise that they have to seize them.
I don't want to sound a meanie When they do their year of GCSES I will take them out for a meal after their last one but the results , if they are good, will be their ultimate reward. I am not saying , at all, that I don't treat my children or buy them gifts/ give them spending money.I don't want to come over as total kill joy.I suppose I just don't want those gifts or treats to be the motivation for work in or out of school.
All those school leavers that come and go in that company...their parents absolutely love them and mean well but how are those teenagers going to learn that life is just a little bit hard at times.

Sorry extremely long post