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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 9:24 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:35 pm
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Hi there, just wondered if any of you have children that have very different outlooks on schooling/ learning etc etc than their sibling/s. My DD, nearly 9 loves school is very able and don't want to speak too soon, but think she shall do very well. My DS has just started school, and I know is very early to judge, but we all know our own children, and know he shall be alright, but his behaviour can be quite challenging and academically well I don't think he shall achieve to the same levels as my DD. Not a problem for me at all, I love both my DC with all my heart and DS was a very special baby born 11 weeks early and so as long he is healthy/happy is all that matters to me.

Though I am very interested to know is it easy to maybe concentrate more on the child that is doing well and almost leave the other one, who maybe struggles a bit more, behind, In the future I would never want my DS to think I am prouder of his sister than of him if that makes any sense.

If anyone has any experiences of this would love to hear.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 10:21 am 
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I have been in a similar position. Ds1 bright intelligent,conscientious, wants to learn,ds2 bright,intelligent,couldnt give a fig yet very popular. Dd bright,intelligent and enthusiastic about everything.
I remember when ds2 was 4 or 5 we had a fun day out at a theme park,smiles,laughter etc,yet on the way home we asked who had had a good day,dcs 1&3 said yes,dc2 said no. :roll:
He has never been the most positive of children however this is something that we have had to accept and go with.
This summer he decided that he wants to do his 11+ like ds1 and has started to do homework without a fight.We did 20mins a day through the hols(when ds1 was also working)and he has learned so much already as is happy about taking a spelling test :shock: for the 1st time ever.
I am pleased that we waited until he was ready as he is now enthusiastic(as much as he gets) about the learning process.He knows that we will help him as much or as little as he wants us to regardless of the subject matter. 8)

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 11:02 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:12 pm
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Location: Kent
All DC are different in my experience. I have 3 boys, you might think would be the same but no.

DS1 flies by the seat of his pants and does very well but I (nor his teachers) haven't any idea how. Not interested in praise or rewards for studying hard. I offered to take him out for a meal to celebrate his AS results, he declined probably because it was being seen out with his mother :lol: He is messy and disorganised. Never read a book in school for coursework, just asked his friends what it was about. :roll:

DS2 is very studious. His room is organised, books alphabetical on his shelves and he keeps everything 'just in case'. (no idea where he gets it from :oops: ). Works hard and loves to be told he is doing well.

DS3 is somewhere in the middle. He reads when the subject 'grabs' him. Too early to say how he will end up but finding his feet having just moved on to 'big school'. :D

Can hear the gasps from here, but I spent very little time with any of them to go over spellings or times tables..... They just knew it or asked one another (I have no qualifications to speak of and for the more challenging stuff wouldn't have a clue anyway). Of course in the beginning I used to listen to them read etc. and they will ask me at times, but on the whole my DC seemed to get there under their own steam. I feel this is better than expecting them to reach milestones compared to one another and it worked for us, which is why I am now super proud they have achieved for themselves places in GS's (alright I did help DS3 by going to appeal but it was what he wanted) and they have very good exam results. We don't fall out over their grades and while they are competitive with one another it's all taken in good spirit.

Do I compare them? They have qualities in different areas which I encourage them to accept, and they get told frequently they are my bestest oldest / middle / youngest boy :wink:

Now if they were not achieving to their full potential it may be a different story!!!! :evil:

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 11:58 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:02 pm
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Location: Herts
frustratedmummy wrote:
his behaviour can be quite challenging and academically well I don't think he shall achieve to the same levels as my DD.

Your DC sound just like mine were a few years ago! My DD (now Yr9) has always been clever AND hard-working. A great combo as many parents here will tell you. My DS (now Yr6) seemed to be a totally different kettle of fish. Late to read; difficult to engage with & a real handful. I definitely thought he wasn't as bright as his sister. Was it easier to concentrate on my DD who was doing well? Actually, she was left to her own devices while her brother's behaviour dominated our family life :( But about 3 years ago he just seemed to change - grow up a bit I suppose. He'll never "love" the school environment, but he loves to learn. Turns out he's just as bright as his sister (school have actually said more so :wink: ).

Lots of people tell me this is a boy /girl thing & perhaps it's more noticable to those of us who have a girl first! It's early days for your little boy. And even if he doesn't turn out to be as academic as your daughter, I am sure he will have many other qualities that will make you just as proud of him!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:29 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:51 pm
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tense wrote:
Lots of people tell me this is a boy /girl thing & perhaps it's more noticable to those of us who have a girl first!


I agree with the first half of that sentence but not the second. Ours are exactly the same but son is the elder. Son is also much the more likeable (when he's not being unbearably infuriating and frustrating) because his sister has absolutely no sense of humour and has never, ever, made a mistake or been at fault in any way (apparently).

Mike


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
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Two sons (3 1/2 year age gap) both very bright and intelligent but so different in all ways it is hard to believe that they are even brothers. They don't even share the same hair / eye colouring! One gregarious, loving, wears his heart on his sleeve etc etc etc; one quieter, happier with own company, more determined and works like a demon.

However, they get on very very well with each other and love each other to bits!!!

We just go with the flow and enjoy each child for themselves; they need treating/handling differently but they are two individuals who between them make up half of our family!!! If they go to the same secondary school it would make my life organisationally easier but if it's not right for DS2 it won't happen!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:03 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:35 pm
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Thank you so much for your replies. I do think perhaps for me it may be a boy/girl thing, with DD I have never really had to do anything, she just gets on with it, she has always been one to sit quietly and read a book, write a story, etc. And thus far is so keen to go to school, cries if she has to have any time/day off for any reason. Just think my parantal role in my sons schooling is going to be a whole different ball game, and I am going to have to put alot more effort in.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 5:44 pm 
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Location: Maidstone
There were some studies showing firstborn children are far more driven and resourceful, and achieve higher levels of success.

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