Mixed sleepover - did I do the right thing?

[Plum]

I agree with not letting your DD go (would do the same) but is a compromise possible? Your DD can go along to the gathering but you pick her up at a certain time? Also, have you spoken to any of the other parents - they may be feeling as apprehensive as you and looking for a way out? Prehaps several of the girls can be picked up at the same time to avoid that peer pressure awkwardness.

Good luck - got it all to come in a few years time!

Plum

[bromley mum]

My DD has been invited to a New Year's party/sleep over where there will be boys and booze! She does not want to stay for the sleepover and is still deciding what to do. She says even if she goes, she wants me to pick her up pretty early on in the evening.

[Moonlight]

Hi Bromley Mum, your DD sounds really sensible and mature. At least you know that there will be boys and booze at this party. Fortunately for me, my DD was honest enough to tell me that boys had been invited to her friend's sleepover. I do feel, however, that the mother should have told all the parents upfront what the actual arrangements were. If my DD were to have a sleepover with boys invited (which she wouldn't!) I would at least have the courtesy of telling everyone what the plans were. I hope she has a lovely time whatever she decides to do.

[mystery]

Oh yes if I was the mother I would definitely tell everyone the plans ------ not that I am planning such a sleepover ---------- if only so that if anything went "wrong" I could feel that the parents had taken on the "risk" knowingly.

[Alice Wonder]

I think my views are old fashioned, but I stand by them, where are moral standards and decency these days. Mixed sleepovers to me are totally unacceptable for teenage children. I have an 11 year old boy and i would certainly not be allowing him to go to these a few years down the line. I would question the parental responsibility of those organising or allowing these types of totally unnecessary gathering.

There are many opportunities for young people to socialise in mixed supervised settings where there is regard for the safety and well being of the children why a sleepover with the potential risks this could have.

I think its totally naive and reckless to allow 'children' to get into a situation that will leave them in charge of making adult decisions with a child's brain. Then leave them and possibly you holding the baby or dealing with other fallout.

I hate this race to shorten childhood and for children to 'grow up' too quickly whats the rush?

You definately did the right thing.

[SEP18]

I had a mixed sleepover for my DS Year 6 birthday party. Sixteen children slept in a marquee in the back garden!!! I made sure all the parents knew and they were all absolutely fine with it. One parent made a very strange comment and her daughter did not come.

I would like to believe that children aged 10/11 are innocent and my DH and I checked on the children every 30 minutes! Nothing remotely untoward happened.

At 15 though, that's certainly a different ball game and one that I most certainly will not be playing either........

[sp]

Great article in Daily Mail today re this exact topic, written by a Mum with 2 teenage daughters. It mentions a new book re Bringing up Teenage Girls written by a Head and other teachers. (maybe they don't currently have teenage girls!?) It completely backs up all that has been said here and makes quite amusing reading.

[Snowdrops]

Link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... hters.html

I'm just off to read it myself

[Snowdrops]

Quote:

'And if your terrible teen wants to appear sophisticated by drinking alcohol, give her a special punch ‘rumoured to contain vodka’, even though the strongest ingredient is fruit squash. As the book says: ‘You wouldn’t be the first parents to carry off that particular white lie.’

End quote.

Yeah, really good advice. You give your teen an 'alcoholic drink' which isn't actually alcoholic. They think 'WOW', I handled that really well. Next time they really are drinking alcohol and think 'I can handle it - look how it didn't affect me last time' ................... enough said I think, we all know what happens next!!

Quote:

'The mother of three, who hit the headlines last year when she returned to work seven hours after giving birth to her daughter Jessica, said: ‘Girls are girls, wherever they are. The thinking applies to everyone, helping girls negotiate the pathway from childhood to adulthood'

End quote.

Sorry, but like I'm going to listen to someone who returns to work 7 hours after giving birth? I think not!

[Ed's mum]

If I remember rightly, the mum of 3 was a head at a (boarding?) school and the return was not nearly as dramatic as was portrayed in the media. I was back to running a mums and tots group the day after I left hospital after my second child and was on such a high I could have done anything as long as my daughter was with me. This lady, I believe, took her daughter in with her.