How do you "discipline" your teens?

[KB]

Lots of great points! In my experience, consistency & keeping calm are really important. Also - I ask them what they think I should do in a particular instance when they have behaved badly.

Do try! to remember that much of the time they can't help it. We assume that as they get older they are more in control of their behaviour but this isn't the case - there is scientific evidence that during the teenage years there are changes taking place in the brain as well as hormonal changes that cause them to behave differently to children or adults.

I'm not advocating that they get away with outrageous behaviour but that as parents we do need to try to understand and not get them to conform totally to our expectations of normal behaviour.

A wise friend told me that if you can develop a good relationship with your children before they are 5 then you have some hope of maintainig a relationship with them through the difficult years. I would say that the priority with teenagers is to maintain communication as best you can and to try to understand them so that the boundaries you set are realistic and they can see the purpose of them.

The thing I hold on to when things have been really bad is that all mine will eventually come/phone and say sorry - & if they are at home we have a hug (very precious moments to hold on to )

[Moonlight]

The thing I hold on to when things have been really bad is that all mine will eventually come/phone and say sorry - & if they are at home we have a hug (very precious moments to hold on to )

Completely agree with this. When my DD and I have had a disagreement (sometimes more than a few!) she will always apologise and give me a hug if she knows she is in the wrong. I treasure these moments because I know it has taken a lot of maturity for her to say she is sorry.

My sister's DD is ten (pushing on twenty) and going through lots of hormonal changes at the moment. When I spoke with my DD about this the other day, her reply was "it's not her fault that she's growing up". It really made me think that actually what she said made sense and sometimes it's all too easy to see how difficult someone is being without fully understanding why.

[mad?]

Lots of great points! In my experience, consistency & keeping calm are really important.

I completely agree with this. Unfortunately in answer to the OP's question what I actually do is shout, shout, scream, swear, put my hands on my hips and shake my head to the side as if i were a teenager as well and generally stomp about and then give in, get an apology and then a hug. My DD is not the only teenager in this family, but one of them has a better line cutting remarks and ranting

[moved]

I have been known to shout and rant too.
Generally, I'm lucky and they don't behave too badly. As they are only early in the teen years I realise that it could get worse.

[KB]

Trouble is that the better you know each other the better you are at 'pushing' the buttons....

When I get really wound up I try to remember to stop and to give thanks for the blessings of my wonderful children ( & no they aren't perfect, but I still think they are wonderful!)

[moved]

Trouble is that the better you know each other the better you are at 'pushing' the buttons....

When I get really wound up I try to remember to stop and to give thanks for the blessings of my wonderful children ( & no they aren't perfect, but I still think they are wonderful!)

Ditto, but usually after all the shouting has died down. Ours has only really been about blasted German controlled assessments and the stress they cause.

[Snowdrops]

Do you know, I'm so thankful people have come on this thread and admitted they shout/stress out/have no patience.

I have brought up three children and I know how stressful it is. I also know we are only human and can only do our best and we are all on a learning curve no matter what stage we are in life.

But I have a couple of neighbours who proclaimed never to argue, fall out or shout. How very nice it is to meet normal people on here

And oh, how I enjoy seeing and hearing those same neighbours argue, fall out and shout now they have children - sorry, I shouldn't laugh, but some people are just so sanctimonious!

[KS10]

My neighbours are worse - he's a fussy so-and-so and she runs a nursery. She told me (before she knew I shouted) that yelling at kids was abuse. I asked her if her husband had never heard me shout (we live in a terraced house). The answer was a surprising 'no'. She's much wiser now and, having head my dulcet tones, I'm hoping she won't dare criticise me to my face.

[tense]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and wise advice.

I hadn't really thought about how my DD's anxiety about me at the moment might affect her behaviour in negative ways. I am having a major operation later this month & my DD is terrified about it - now I feel really guilty about our falling out. I'm afraid I can sometimes fall into the "adult who acts like a teen" category I can be really stressy (& tense ).

You lot have made me worried though about how long this stage will last - reckon with my two I've got another 8 years to go

[scarlett]

Tense....you have mentioned a couple of times that your dd s behaviour may be down to worry over your health problems.....what about you ? I'm sure if you are having a major operation you must be anxious too and so maybe You're not " an adult who acts like a teen " but someone who is scared and vulnerable too.

You will have to talk it over together and I hope sort things out....get well soon !