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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 7:57 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:52 pm
Posts: 737
The children have been sorting out their bedrooms and DD presented me last night with a huge pile of 11+ related workbooks etc with the ominous words -
"You'll be needing these for [DS] soon."
:cry: :cry: :cry:
I really don't think I want to do it again.
:shock: :shock: :shock:
I am surprised at myself. I've told lots of people (and virtual people here on the forum as well) that I've no regrets about the amount of effort DD and I put into preparing for the 11+, even though she didn't get a Grammar place. I still feel that way. I just can't summon up the energy for another campaign.

DS is going into Y3 in September and I know from past experience that if I want him to have a good chance I'm going to need to start home tutoring sometime soon. The kids' school has brilliant pastoral care but it never quite covers the high ground academically.
He's bright enough (even for Super-Picky North Essex?) but he's not a naturally hard worker, he doesn't take criticism well and (I blush to admit it :oops: ) he's very low maintainance if you leave him alone. :oops: :oops:

I need you guys to stiffen my resolve, remind me it's not all bad, and that it is my duty as a parent to offer the same opportunities to both my children.

At the moment, I've got that horrible sick feeling I had in my stomach when I was 8 months pregnant with DS and suddenly remembered how much labour had hurt first time round. :o


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 2:32 pm
Posts: 6966
Location: East Kent
stealth is the key, if you start playing games now you will have built up the key skills so by the time selection rears its ugly head you and your son are well prepared. PLUS it will really help him throughout KS2 and beyond.

I have done 1:1 tutoring with y5 and 6 this year and we are all agreed that it has helped, mainly because of the children's increased confidence when tackling class work.

http://www.mad4maths.com/multiplication ... ath_games/

http://resources.oswego.org/games/

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/grammar/verbs.htm (check through carefully, some of the grammar rules and spelling are American )

and of course the lovely

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/interactive/


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:43 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:39 pm
Posts: 298
i know where you are coming from push-pull-mum.

My younger dd is going into year 3 this Sept and the thought of the stress of the 11+ makes me shiver. The thought of labour has definitely stopped me from having anymore kids and I am not quite sure I will go down the 11+ plus route with my younger one.

I am hoping I will be feeling different this time next year. We do owe them the chance if they are capable.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:08 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:16 pm
Posts: 2113
I agree with Yoyo - any thought of prep should be by stealth.I have two in the Essex grammars and another going into year 3. Even for the super selectives I wouldn't think of any prep until year 5. However word games/websites etc are all good for them generally - never mind the 11+.

I don't know what I will do. :? Part of me thinks as the age gap is big, she won't be drawing comparisons and so we may go a different route.At the moment she seems able but she is a rather fragile, shy little girl who may not want the pressure of the whole process. :( The other two are only two years apart so it seemed important to give them both "equal chances."
They can change so much in this time - keep him working in a fun way so that you have covered some bases when the time comes to make a decision.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2008 9:09 pm
Posts: 69
Location: Gloucestershire
I am going through a similar experience to the OP. My DS is desperate to go to his sister's school which is a super selective. But he's desperate because of sibling rivalry; not desperate enough to do any preparation without a (massive) fight or desperate enough to actually use any tips and techniques to help him. It's all some kind of complicated game where he feels compelled to compete with his sister, but doesn't really believe he can win so he finds lots of reasons why it was impossible or why it's 'unfair'. I am not even that worried about GS this time having actually experienced it through DD, but I'm frantic that he will take the test, not do well or as well as he wants to and feel even more diminished by his big sister. And the fact is that he will lose the fight in his head: it won't be a real reflection of his ability. I've got to the stage of not allowing him to do it but can't actually find a justification for that position except that I'm dreading having to pick up the pieces! Trying to 'big up' the other schools meets with a sceptical 'i know what you are trying to do' stare. I wonder if I could fit in a degree in psychology and a counselling course between now and September?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:24 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 1:21 am
Posts: 2125
Same here - DS blowing hot and cold and with two sets of female footsteps to follow in, so sibling pressure is inevitably an issue. A few other boys in his class also doing the tests, so it helps that he's not the only one. After that we'll have to start all over again next year with DD3. Glutton for punishment or what? :lol:

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:38 pm
Posts: 2083
Location: Maidstone
PPM those are my exact thoughts that I will NEVER put any of my kids through 11+ again. I think if the first is successful you get a bit of a boost and would go for it again. While I certainly have no regrets I have no wish to ever get my son who is only a baby by the way to ever go through 11+.

I think I have seen very few posters here (I dont even remember anyone) whose first child failed 11+ and they still tried with subsequent children. Its normally the other way round, first passed and other sibling not making it. It takes a lot of gut and faith to go through it again when the other child hasnt made it.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:21 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 11:02 pm
Posts: 420
but how will dc2 feel, when they haven't been given the same opportunity as dc1?


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:35 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:49 pm
Posts: 168
I think it's best to treat them as individuals. A school that might be right for one child is not always right for the next. We all went to different schools and there are four of us. Some grammar, some not. I don't hold it against my parents. I know they did what they thought was best for each of us. Don't put yourself under too much pressure. :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:40 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
We’ve had four sit, and the first three passed. The last didn’t. If our first had not passed, I would have had absolutely no hesitation in not putting any of my others through it. It is a horrible process. We are lucky in that we had a reasonable alternative, I guess, but even so, the horrible disappointment of not passing especially when you’ve others already there, is not pleasant.
PPM – if you’re happy with the school your child is going to, I would be very tempted to preserve my other child’s sanity and childhood, and leave 11+ exams well alone. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear :(


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