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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:24 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:53 pm
Posts: 144
I feel awful because my youngest DS is nowhere near the academic calibre of DS1, and I feel awful again for even thinking such a thing of my child :(
How can two children, of the same sex, sired by the same parents, brought up in the same household be so different?
DS1 picked everything up easily, could read by 5 years, in fact I was reading him Harry Potter at 5. He picked up numbers quickly and has exceptional mathematical ability for his age (according to last year's teacher)
DS2 is a little darling, so laid back he's practically horizontal but everything work-wise is a struggle. Thinking I was being a good mummy (and teaching Foundation Stage at the time) I started practising High Frequency Words with him when he started Nursery - do you know, every boomin' night for nearly 3 years and he still didn't recognise 'and' !!!! To be fair, now at the beginning of year 2 he does now know all his initial sounds and recognises 'the' (at last!!!). We've spent the whole summer trying to get to grips with number bonds to 10 (and now he's supposed to be doing to 20!) He is making progress, its just sooo slow, bless him.
I don't think I've done anything particularly different with the two boys, I certainly didn't influence DS1 mathematical ability as I was always rubbish at Maths.
I have felt it was worth DS1 taking 11+ as I think he would probably suit a grammar school & is at least 'in with a chance', however I also feel confident he will be fine wherever he goes. DS2 however... well, at this rate I don't think he'll have any chance with 11+, at best I hope he might be average by then, but also he is the one I will most worry about going to secondary school - I can't be confident he'll be fine on his own devices.
I know its very early days for him in year 2, but DS1 was level 3s across the board & there's no way DS2 will be.
The thing is, DS2 is a really creative little boy & he has strengths in other areas, but have I failed him in some way? Have I negected some important subliminal learning that DS1 got??? Love them both to bits, just can't understand the difference :?
Starmum x


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:33 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
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That could be my boys you are talking about and now I am starting 11 plus work with my 2nd son I am really noticing the difference and even though I think with hard work he will pass, I feel it is stressing him out and he keeps saying he is rubbish which breaks my heart....he has always done this. With 2 boys you assume they will be the same, but we are all individual and have different strengths and weaknesses . Do you have any other children ? I also have a younger daughter so also have the guilt of middle child syndrome.

My children were pretty dim at the early stage of primary but are now really coming on...so I'm sure with your help it will all click. :)


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:36 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:28 pm
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My children are different also, with ds1 being naturally more academic then ds 2. I guess it's just how they are wired. Like you, ds1 seemed to absorb everything easily. Ds 2, although bright, doesn't take to learning so easily.

Its nothing to do with parental input ( apart from at conception :oops: ). If anything, parents spend more one to one time with their less academic child, so in theory, they should have achieved more.

It's frustrating at times, but no children are ever the same.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:38 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
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Location: Berkshire
I had never even heard of grammar schools when my oldest was in year 2.
The thing is, they all mature at different rates, and actually these level 3s etc at KS1 are fairly arbitrary, mainly because you might be comparing a September birthday with an August one.

Try not to worry about a 6/7 year old....they have lots of time to wake/catch up :D


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:40 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
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I have quite a few friends with 2 boys and nearly all say their first is studious and academic, their 2nd more quirky and sporty. I wonder how many of us have children who fit that bill ?


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:44 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
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My first had all the appearance of being the least bright so goes against the stereotype. As it turned out she was just a late developer. Suspect DS2 may be the most academically successful of the three if he ever applies himself. Some time in the next couple of weeks would be nice! DS1 not showing too many middle child traits yet, but there's time yet.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:52 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:53 pm
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Nice to know we're not alone :)
Strangely, DS1 was an absolute terror as a pre-schooler and I was so grateful that DS2 was so laid back :lol:
Everyone keeps telling me that at some point it will all 'click' but I'd like that to be before he falls seriously behind.
Ho hum, we try our best, I'll be pummelling all my energies into him for a while now DS1 can take a bit of a back seat now 11+ is over :D


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:56 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
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DD was having such a nice time in her own little world that she remembers very little about primary school and I believe she learnt very little other than the basics. I was a bit unaware as she was number 1 and I had 2 smaller ones underfoot. You are off to a good start as you recognise that DS2 may need extra help from you (or at least a different type of help).


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 12:57 pm
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Yup, that's my two but even more so! I'm sure DS1 would have been more gifted at music too, but he was so disinterested and I couldn't afford it at the time.it's a blessing in hindsight as DS2 has something he is much better at. DS2 is also much better at sport than DS1 though.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 12:06 pm
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Location: Birmingham
We all have our strengths, perhaps our rigid educational system isn't good at finding them.

Hopefully your ds2's abilties and strengths will become more apparent in the coming years. They may not be the conventional abilities that your ds1 has...but they are still special and tangible, whether that be his creativity and artistic ability, his compassion for and care of others...or his ability to think through engineering problems amazingly, or even design breathtaking gardens :D

I would be careful, while you're waiting for his talents to manifest, not to allow the limitations of school life to cut his wings as they are being tentatively stretched...that's just my musing.

I have 5dc and all very different.
Dc4 barely knows his alphabet in Reception now... dc1 was reading Roald Dahl by then...but I don't actually think that makes him less intelligent. In fact, he's more curious and imaginative, more willing to tackle a problem, more able to express himself verbally, than the one who'd finished Beatrix Potter and Blyton before his 5th birthday. :wink:


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