How can two children be so different???

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Thingsbehindthesun
Posts: 463
Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:25 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by Thingsbehindthesun »

It's the opposite way with us.Dd1 isn't as academic but she tries hard.It just seems that you have to do alot more explanation with her than dd2. But they're still young now and although your son may seem slower he might surprise you by being a late bloomer.
;D
Fran17
Posts: 1440
Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 10:16 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by Fran17 »

Starmum remember children with interested conscientious parent/s do far better than those without such support, and it is obvious from your post that you are a very supportive parent. My youngest sounds very similar to yours, he is extremely laid back. My elder two just seemed to get on with things, whereas youngest was away with the fairies. He did switch on in Year 4 and took off. For all sorts of reasons we changed his school and this seemed to do the trick. I wouldn't necessarily recommend you doing the same and it probably wouldn't be necessary in your son's case anyway. Keep plugging away I am sure it will all click into place and he will just turn out to be a late developer. Is he young in the school year? I have always felt that my youngest would have been better suited to the American and European education systems whereby the are less formal and more play based until the age of about 7. Mine is now doing very well in year 8 at the grammar school of his choice which we would never have thought possible in year 2. His laid back approach prevails however, in Year 7 he lost a coat, two jumpers, a pair of football boots, a pencil case and he left his sports bag on the school bus a few times. He has been back for three weeks and has lost his school diary, which thankfully was returned to him, and I have just tripped over his football boots in the utility room, he has football today and has taken his brother's football boots which are three sizes bigger than his. :roll: Oh well, I guess he will never die of a heart attack due to stress. Although he may drive me to it. :lol: Try not to worry too much it sounds to me like you are doing all the right things.
mystery
Posts: 8927
Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 10:56 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by mystery »

Yes don't worry Starmum, and maybe you can think of a different approach to maths and reading if you are wanting to do some extra with him at home. I was intrigued that as a Foundation Stage teacher you used high frequency words when he was tiny.

I bet if you get thinking about it you can think of some strong signs of intelligence he has which are not captured by whether or not he as learned some number bonds or other by rote, or learned to read early (no direct link to IQ here either).

Love all Scarlett's examples of her bottom of the bottom table DS1 who got super-high eleven plus scores. Children are complicated, and so is measuring their ability!

My children are both different in some startling ways, but over the course of a week they both drive me equally mad and both give me equal pleasure. They are the female equivalent at times of Horrid Henry and Perfect Peter, and then they swap the starring roles.

I have been taught to finish my contributions with a question, so Starmum, why did you go down the HF word route so young rather than phonics? This is a purely academic question.
starmum2000
Posts: 144
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 7:53 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by starmum2000 »

Ha ha, Mystery, I will answer your post so you're not the last :wink:
Probably because of DS1 being ready to read so quickly. I know that phonics was being taught in school, but phonics can't help you actually 'read' if you can't recognise HFW such as 'the' 'was' etc that can't be sounded out (unless you read those dreadful books about 'sam' and 'pan' and whatever els that isn't actually a story!!)
I thought at the time it was just a case of learning these words by sight and recalling them, but that was probably because DS1 had that sort of brain could look at a word once & be able to read & spell it.
Also, having taught KS2 for many years (yes, I've been all over!) I know how many children still couldn't read or spell those common words which was frustrating for their progress.
Anyhow, I have learnt that there is no point trying to teach before they're ready (- also thought it would be a good idea to potty train DS2 when he was just 2 as it conveniently fitted in with my summer holiday & that backfired big-time too :lol: :lol: )
Being a parent, especially of two such different children, definitely opens yours eyes as a teacher though & gives you a better understanding. I digress, sorry.
Starmum x
scarlett
Posts: 3664
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 10:22 am

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by scarlett »

I look back and wonder why did I worry..often things pan out the right way .I used to get really frustrated with my younger son, I used to wonder if he was autistic and was quite cross with him at times.Now when I look at his toddler photos , how sweet he is and remember other people saying how he was so shy when I assumed he was difficult...well, I could cry.It's hard to do when you are in that daily situation, but there is always something special about your child , you just need to look harder sometimes.
pmmum
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:36 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by pmmum »

I think this is also my DS(yr 4) - second child and August birthday. In so many ways much more intelligent than DD1 who just started grammar school (good 11+ score and yr 6 SATs results), but I really worry that academically he just does not have confidence and won't push himself in case he fails. Really considering whether 11+ is a realistic option for him or whether he will just be miserable at grammar school (if he did get in) and he would be better suited to a secondary school where he may be nearer the top of the class to boost his confidence.
mum23*
Posts: 417
Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:28 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by mum23* »

As an experienced teacher starmum I'm sure you would notice the signs but Y2 is often the year when dyslexia or other spLDs are most noticeable. That is when I just couldn't fathom why my DD2 couldn't seem to spell easy words or spelt them different every time. Like you I questioned why DD1 and 2 were so different. Turns out all 3 of my DC's are quite different with their own strengths and weaknesses academically, physically and socially. Like others have said that is what brings the joy and occasional frustration! Your DS is still young and could do a sudden catch up but if he does have any specific learning difficulty/difference then it would be good if his school used multi sensory approach for literacy and numeracy and perhaps got him on the waiting list to be checked out even to rule out dyslexia or anything else. Remember DCs with dyslexia are often very creative or able at things like sport or dance or music. Might not be applicable to your DS but I thought it worth a mention and I had several years of worry and wondering like you before we found out and that seems to be the case for many parents who have dyslexic children in the family. x
poppit
Posts: 196
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2010 3:15 pm
Location: Birmingham

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by poppit »

Hopefully your ds2's abilties and strengths will become more apparent in the coming years. They may not be the conventional abilities that your ds1 has...but they are still special and tangible, whether that be his creativity and artistic ability, his compassion for and care of others...or his ability to think through engineering problems amazingly, or even design breathtaking gardens.

I would be careful, while you're waiting for his talents to manifest, not to allow the limitations of school life to cut his wings as they are being tentatively stretched...that's just my musing.
Um

Your musings are poetically and beautifully phrased. My DS2 is struggling with spelling and writing in particular at the moment and I suspect he is dyslexic and as a result I am worrying that if this is the case that he will find (school) life a struggle. We are seeing the Ed Psych this weekend so hopefully soon we will have a definitive assessment and know how best to support his learning. Your different perspective is warm and refreshing. Thank you.
starmum2000
Posts: 144
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 7:53 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by starmum2000 »

Ah, thanks for all your replies :)
I know my two boys are different but equally endearing & gorgeous, and I know DS2 has many talents which we will nurture as best we can.
Still doesn't stop me getting frustrated when he's reading or attempting to write :(
I try my best, and actually when he's in the mood I let DS1 help him with his homework as he has so much more patience than me! :lol:
I have parents evening next week, so hopefully will get a good update on how he's doing & if it looks like he may have any specific learning difficulties (which he probably doesn't) & I'll know what I need to work on with him.
Thanks all x

PS
DS2 comes home on Friday & tells me he had to stay in at lunchtime because he didn't finish his work, and mumbles something about writing the date. "What???" I ask him, " You only wrote the date??" "No!" he emphatically replies, "I only wrote half the date!" :lol: You gotta laugh, apparently ...
blessedmum
Posts: 298
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:39 pm

Re: How can two children be so different???

Post by blessedmum »

Starmum2000,

I have exactly the same with my two dd's. my older dd was the first to read when she was in reception and she has always been consistent even though she did need help with maths for her 11+. dd2 is just way behind. She's in yr3 now and she was not at the right level for her Keystage one tests last summer.
I worry a lot about her and the school is giving as much help as they can through the sen. She gets 3 (30mins) one to ones a week and I try to do my bit at home but I have resigned myself to just relax and let her do the best she can. She is extremely gifted in music, pciks up musical instruments very easily. She also plays tennis and moved up two groups within a term. She plays with aged 10 and over now even though she's only 7. It doesnt help that her birthday is in July, she is a character as well and has had to stay behind during play time to finish her work because she's either not concentrating, listening or she just doesnt understand. she reads "was" as "saw" and vice versa and you have to keep reminding her. When you work with her one on one she seems to pick up and she's ok but she struggles to work on her own.
I used to be so stressed and worried but now, I m taking it each day at a time and encouraging her in areas where she excels although also emphasing the importance of hard work.
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