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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:45 pm 
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Browsing through channels I came across this program on Living TV. I was horrified at the huge hair and heavily made up little girls prancing around. :shock:
But it got me thinking are we any different? We "groom" our kids for the super selectives too.....or it is not in the same league as fake tanned 7 year old dancers and their wannabe mothers. Are we justified in our pursuit of grammar school when we look down upon showbiz mums?

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:50 pm 
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There was one I watched last week on push mothers and extreme diet. The mother (her name was sue I think) has been on many reality TV shows. The daughter is a teenager now and she forces her to exercise and do push ups first for a chocolate bar.

When she was 11 she was in the papers as she was grooming her to be like Kate Price (heavy makeup, tatty dressing etc). She then went on wife swap. You can clearly see she has other motives than simply being a pushy mother.

Personally I don't mind being called pushy for wanting the best for my children. I don't expect any gain from my DD's success and most of those who appear on TV are mums who are seeking attention themselves. If a child is gifted in performing arts or music I don't see the problem in them following their dreams, its just that there are too many wannabes now who hope to become instant overnight Leona Lewis's of this world. I blame Simon Cowell.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 9:59 am 
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My seven year old DD wants to be a rock guitarist. Something has gone badly wrong; I think I have failed to qualify as a proud and pushy mum. When you see her yowling on Living TV (sorry never heard of this channel) please don't blame the parents!!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:34 am 
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One could argue that the parents that are not pushing/steering/directing their kids are not doing a good job...

I've said many times that I'm pushy up to a point. I help my boys to get to an appropriate level in the thing they love the most or are strongest at so they can get into a good educational environment for their needs and then I let the schools get on with it.

I would argue then that true pushiness is about control and in that instance I don't think "we" are pushy. After a certain age I think it's impossible to push but it is possible to provide opportunities if one has the means to do so.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:00 am 
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I don't regard myself as pushy - but then I guess I would say that! I suppose I have always just wanted to do my best to give my children a fighting chance of success.However beyond the age of about 13, I believe it is up to them to make the best of the life chances they have.
Beyond that age, one cannot realistically be standing over them making sure they meet homework deadlines or always work really hard etc.It isn't good for them.If they are not self motivated by then, then they have to learn the consequences of that - low achievement.
I worry about the peers of my children whose parents have massive input into their homework and organising them in general.What will happen when they go to Uni or get a job?
You can lead the horse to water etc, and as parents we should do the best we can at that, but, after a certain age- up to them if they drink.
However some would say/have said to me I am not pushy enough. :?


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:02 am 
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OK! I concour will all of the above. But there have been times when my son hates the whole 11 plus circus wants to just throw away all the work he has put in for 2 years. I am the one who has to "motivate" him (literally push him :oops: ) to get in the the game again!!! My younger one wants to be a bollywood hero :roll: .....but I just indulge him moderately. Whereas with the grammar school ambitions, I am all aboard! Feel like such a hypocrate , when I say, I will support them in what ever direction they pick. :cry:

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:05 am 
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That is why I said about 13 - I think as parents we know ,for example, when they resist doing 11+ practice that they are too immature to make a reasoned decision and need to be leant on.(whoops I mean "encouraged") However there comes a point when I think we do them no favours in the long term for character development or ability to cope with life , if we keep on doing too much for them.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:23 am 
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These days it's hard not to be a pushy parent...we're all encouraged to be those awful helicopter, hyper parents wanting our child to be the best. When I was at school , our parents just wanted us to be normal, now we want our child to be top of the class. The key is to take your lead from the child and encourage but not force.Of course, most children would rather watch tv then work hard and that's where good parenting steps in .It has to be for their benefit..not yours. If they enjoy certain activities, then what's the harm ? Two of my children do theatre work and are confident because of it...my middle one, who is too shy , doesn't and I've never encouraged him too, he's better off rolling around in the mud on the rugby field.

Don't they say that children with interested, involved parents do better at school as parental impact has one of the most significant effects on their success ? Just make sure you are pushy, not a pushover !


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:46 am 
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scarlett wrote:
Of course, most children would rather watch tv then work hard and that's where good parenting steps in



I sort of agree - especially when they are small.However I expect my older two, both in their mid teens to plan and manage their own workload.If they don't - then they have to face the consequences of school punishments and low achievement.
I managed to get to a good Uni without my parents even once in my childhood asking if I had homework! Success should be the reward - but maybe that's just me being harsh? They should want to work because they want to succeed, for their own sake and future quality of life.
Obviously with my little one, I get involved in her homework otherwise she would rather sit and watch "Puppy in my pocket." :roll:


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:50 am 
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I agree with CM. I also think by definition we are all completely mad here. :D

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