Secondary schools - does it really matter which one??

[sherry_d]

but I am pretty sure that in a few years (possibly less!) I will be wondering what all the stress was for,

So true....You can also take a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

School is means to an end, not an end in itself.

Sadly you can never have an experiment of what would happen if you had taken the other path.

[push-pull-mum]

but I am pretty sure that in a few years (possibly less!) I will be wondering what all the stress was for,

And that is how we'll know we made the right (or right enough) choices.

[menagerie]

The other thing the article presupposes is that academic outcome is all that matters. I went to an inner city comp, got poor GCSEs but great A levels and went to Oxford, even though that school had never sent anyone there before. By chance I met someone who suggested I should apply and taught me himself as the school refused. Yes I had academic parents (not middle class by normal standards but a house full of books.) But my lasting memory of school is that you should hide your enthusiasm at all costs, avoid effort at all times, and be ashamed of achievements as they make other people feel uncomfortable. So straight As and Oxford may well be in part due to my parents' academic interest despite the school, but the school left its unpleasant mark and there's no way I'd want my child to go to a school with a similar ethos.

[lara228]

Not my personal experience but that of my neighbour......

We have a local comprehensive that until a few years ago was on special measures. No-one locally sent their children there and the majority were/are bussed in from a very deprived area nearby. My neighbour sent their son and daughter there much to everyone's amazement. Both were extremely bright and could have got into the local super-selectives and grammars but for whatever reason were not put forward for these. Both children did extremely well and have ended up at top Universities - the first ever achieving this at this particular school. They managed this by basically excluding themselves from any external influences - even at 6th form their mother walked them to and from school, they did not mix with other children from the school, their family provided them with all the social and cultural experiences that they felt they needed and the school was purely used as a source of education. The teachers were delighted to have two bright pupils who were keen to learn and a pleasure to teach and went the extra mile for them. Do I think the parents did the right think - personally, no, but they've got the results they wanted and did not consider they needed anything else from the school.

[pheasantchick]

Parental support is important. I know of someone went to a school, was bullied and was failing. His parents transferred him successfully to another school in the next town and he left and got an good apprenticeship.

Therefore, pupils with supportive parents do not succeed everywhere.

[magwich2]

Lara 228's neighbours experience mirrors that of our family - only difference is that ours attend a girls grammar school!!!!!
The less they have to do with a good number of the other pupils the better!!
We have eventually got fed up now and removed the younger one for a school with a much nicer, kinder more decent ethos where the other girls are friendlier and less precocious (I'm trying to be nice here!!)
The elder one is at Oxford and is astounded at just how nice everyone is after her experience at the grammar school!!

[menagerie]

Lara, that story makes me sad and a little angry. OK the children got good grades. But that's not all school is about. What a negative experience in your formative years, to learn that the world you inhabit is alien and you must put up barricades against it. Walked to school aged 17? Denied friendship with fellow school mates? Why not send them to a grammar where they could enjoy friendships with like minded pupils? It's not just grades that matter, it's that gorgeous feeling of being among people you click with, who get you. As my son says, he looks forward to being surrounded by other happy geeks.

[Pushy Dad]

lara228 - Do you know what your neighbour's reasoning was? I mean, if they didn't believe in a selective educational system then basically segregating their kids from the other kids is a weird way of showing solidarity with the have-nots

[lara228]

As I stated, I did not agree at all with my neighbours' actions - I believe school is as much about social interaction as it is education. I do not know why they sent their two eldest children to what is basically the local sink school, however, I do know that they changed their mind for their youngest and sent him to the top boys' grammar. I think their culture played a huge part - they have a huge extended family and there were always 'cousins' of various ages staying with them and they believed that this provided all the social interaction their children needed. I do know that when the elder two went to University it was quite a culture shock for them.

[Daogroupie]

I disagree with the article and with your neighbours. My dd's have so many more opportunities than their primary school friends who have gone to local schools. Many of their friends would soar with what they have on offer. No matter how much wonderful parental support you have, if your school does not do hockey, trampoling, gym, tennis, does not put on major drama productions, does not have a concert band and an orchestra, does not have a chess club and a pottery club and a debating club and a science club, does not do triple science at GCSE, does not offer thirty plus A levels, does not have a whole range of lunchtime and afterschool clubs, then your parents can be complete gods but that does not make up for all the things you dont get to do. I went to university with people who were the same academically as me but my goodness they had had some great options while at school. Great parents do not make up for all of that. I have also just done classes with students who went to sink schools and did not even get the academic chances that they should have done despite great parental support. It was really heartbreaking to listen to their stories. DG