Who buys their DC alcohol?

[Chelmsford mum]

Cross post with Chelmsford mum - you do have some very good points there and I agree. Mind you if a vodka and coke tasted like that, maybe it wasn't vodka and coke!

I think there was very little coke to vodka, which is again worrying.They actually have no idea how much they are drinking and then there is the worry of alcohol poisoning or vomiting and choking in sleep later.

[scarlett]

I suppose it's something many of us experience before we learn to judge how much we can drink without suffering ill effects. I did all my experimenting once I'd left home and do remember once waking up having been sick during the night and a kebab was stuck to my cheek That was a turning point.

I also remember staying with my brother at his uni, walking home by myself through a dodgy park and then going to sleep in his house mates bedroom which was the cupboard under the stairs ( don't ask ) Everyone was frantic and called the police who were taking details in the lounge when I emerged wondering what the commotion was all about. Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice .

[ausvic]

Tense, I feel for you. I have a son of a similar age and we have had this same situation. I really don't think that anyone can judge you until they are put in the same position.

My son had the courage to talk to me about the alcohol situation. I then felt really bad when we said that he couldn't go to a party as we knew there was going to be alcohol there and no parental supervision! I didn't want him to not confide in me but as he is my eldest I found it a really difficult concept to deal with, my baby wanting do drink alcohol!!

We are trying to introduce him to alcohol at home, glass of WKD or similar with Sunday lunch etc so that he gets 'used' to drinking. Some may say that this is irresponsible but it is happening with todays teenagers whether we like it or not and it is best if we can be a little in control!

I feel some of the comments on here are quite harsh but in reality it is going to happen and I think you are doing the right thing to buy it. That way you are showing your child that you have some trust in her to drink only what she has and (hopefully) not take it to the extremes. Good Luck

[laretta]

Inmystride and chelmsfordmum

I could not agree more.
If all the parents agree to buy alcohol for their DC there would be an awful lot floating around at the party. If none bought it - there would be much less, surely?
Interestingly recently I was told of a group of children (year9) hanging about at wimbledon common on a Saturday afternoon in the sun. I was told that all the girls bar one were drinking, bun none of the boys. I wonder why this is?

[Waiting_For_Godot]

Ausvic, it is not responsible because her DD could share the drink. Either intentionally or due to a lack of judgement when tipsy. I'm not convinced offering wicked at a meal is sensible drinking. It tastes like fizzy non-alcoholic pop and is easy to drink it like juice rather than a stronger alcoholic flavour where they are aware of the taste and the effect it is having. I could drink a bottle of wicked and think I wasn't drinking anything alcoholic.

I just don't know why people are happy to break the law so their kids can have a drink. Am I missing something?

[Fran17]

There have been some very thought provoking posts on here with people sharing their personal experiences. In a perfect world children of 14, 15 and 16 wouldn't even consider having a drink, but unfortunately it seems quite commonplace in certain friendship groups these days. Up until this point in time I have been very lucky with my sons, we talk openly about things, we try to guide them as best we can and I think they would regard us as being quite strict. However, I do not know what the future holds for them and what mistakes they might make, so I do my best not to judge other people's children and parents like tense who is obviously struggling with what decision to make with regard to her daughter. I think when someone puts a post on here asking for people's opinions it is wonderful to see posts like the one written by Chelmsford mum who, whilst not agreeing with supplying alcohol to her child, answered sensitively and without judgement.

[Fran17]

laretta my sons have told me in the past that girls seem to drink much more than boys. I wonder why too?

[Sally-Anne]

laretta my sons have told me in the past that girls seem to drink much more than boys. I wonder why too?

I think the issue is more about what they are drinking, and therefore how drunk they get.

As someone mentioned earlier, the boys drink beer and cider, so there is a physical limit on how much they can drink. The girls are drinking vodka and spirits. Why? Because they don't want to drink the same thing as the boys, wine is not cool because that is what their parents drink, and alcopops and spirits are all that is left to them. They start with a Smirnoff Ice or anything similar that is targeted at them by the advertisers and it is only a small step from there to drinking half a bottle of vodka and getting paralytically drunk.

Alcohol is also massively more affordable these days than it was in my teenage years. A bottle of Dubonnet or Martini was a huge luxury, rarely seen at parties, and spirits were simply way out of our price range. Wine turned up occasionally (in the shape of Blue Nun or Mateus Rose) but even then it wasn't "cool" because our parents were all beginning to drink it then. IIRC we girls drank Bulmers cider and the boys drank Watneys Red Barrel or Hofmeister, all of which were very considerably weaker than the beers and ciders available today. You really had to work at getting drunk back then!

[Looking for help]

I have both sons and daughters, the youngest one is 13 and so far hasn't been anywhere I've been concerned about. I think a lot of parents become a wee bit more relaxed down the chain so to speak. I was really strict with my oldest, a little less so with the next, and a little bit more lax with my current 17 year old in so far as I have on occasion given her a bottle of wine to go to a party. I wont give alcopops on the basis I think they are awful, tasting so nice and yet full of alcohol. At least with wine and beer there is a bit of a taste that has to be acquired.The thing is , there are so many parents (I know a number myself) who cannot believe their child would do such things, but I've driven them home, and had to stop the car so they can be sick There is little point in banning the stuff altogether as this will create an air of mystery. The most important things I have learned are that we know where our children are, and where they will be staying if not coming home afterwards, and that they are being truthful. If we start laying down laws we cannot enforce, then we run the risk of them doing it all anyway and we then have to pick up the peices. Our kids are well taught these days. We were at a family wedding recently and we were all having a really nice time. I had been dancing and left my drink on the table, then sat back down again. I went to have a sip of my drink, when my daughter stopped me. 'Don't ever leave a drink, and go back to it, you don't know who has put something in it', she said. They are far more aware of potential danger than I am. Obviously at a wedding there's little risk, but she has a point.
The thing is, your children wont always be fourteen, and they need to develop into well rounded sensible adults. They won't do this if they're not allowed to do the same within reason as their peers. This is not so much about peer pressure, but more about learning to grow up. The kids I know whose parents have a relaxed attitude to drink tend to behave better when drinking than those whose parents have banned it completely.

PPM - my sister got expelled from school for being drunk on a school trip when she was 12. My parents never had alcohol in the house, and were absolutely against it.

[Fran17]

Sally-Anne that makes a great deal of sense. I think I am a lot older than you. When I was 15 it was a treat to have a cream soda at a party! You have taken me back mentioning Martini, I haven't had one of those for a while.