Who buys their DC alcohol?

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Waiting_For_Godot
Posts: 1446
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:57 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by Waiting_For_Godot »

My experience of these parties (as a child and from parents who have friends of this age) is that more alcohol is consumed when parents purchase it because inevitably the children still bring in alcohol from other sources as well as there parents contributions. It's all very well saying that we trust our kids to only have two Bacardi breezers but once their drink is finished it is much harder for them to refuse another drink. Not because of peer pressure but because they want one and their lower level of judgement makes them think they are fine. I also don't think it's acceptable to be giving girls 40% alcohol. They have less tolerance than boys and are very vulnerable when drunk. There are plenty of nice fruit ciders on the market now.

But I am still surprised that any parent is willing to potentially get a criminal conviction, or worse, just so their child can have a drink!
scary mum
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:45 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by scary mum »

What happens if your dc go to these parties without taking alcohol ? Will they still drink someone elses or not get anything
I think this is the problem Scarlett - at least I know my DD was drinking weakish alcopop, rather than someone else's vodka in coke, or dodgy punch. At previous parties (she hasn't been to many) she had a few sips of someone else's alcopop or nothing, but I think she felt a bit anti social arriving with nothing. I do hear awful tales of drunkeness, vomiting etc and I'm glad mine seems to be fairly sensible. I also know of girls her age who ask older boys to but them drink, DD has promosed she wouldn't do that. I think my views are tempered by the fact that I was worse at her age than she is, but I'm very aware of the fact that I am responsible if I provide the drink, and for that reason DD knows I will not let her have a party at our house!
scary mum
First-timer
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Location: Essex

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by First-timer »

I wouldn't buy alcohol for a fourteen year old to drink without adult supervision. Alcohol at a party is quite different from being allowed wine with a meal - and even then , I don't see the need at that age.

I think the comparison to other drugs is useful. If her friends were all using cannabis at parties, would you buy it for her just so you had the comfort of knowing where it came from? To be honest, I wouldn't allow her to go to parties where you know underage drinking will be going on.

It's great that she has spoken to you about it as long as it's not just on the assumption she can get what she wants. If she gets a "no" and still keeps communicating then that says a great deal more about your relationship. I wouldn't pay any attention to what her friends are allowed to do. You are only responsible for your child and anything else is parenting by committee. She wants you to break the law. It's a no-brainer.

Yes, I admit my DC are not at that age yet! DD is, so she tells me, the last one in her year not to have a mobile phone or TV in her bedroom and has learned the futility of the "everyone else..." argument!
scary mum
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:45 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by scary mum »

I think the comparison to other drugs is useful
I agree the comparison is useful, but by the same token it isn't the cultural norm to take a supply of drugs to a party to say "thanks for hosting the party" - or at least not in the circles I move in :lol: :lol:

The parties DD has been to so far have had parental supervision and in each case the parents have not provided alcohol, only soft drinks. I think if they banned people from bringing it they would anyway.

None of this sits very comfortably with me, but it was the decision we made, knowing our daughter and the situation she was in. I may change my mind, and I am keen for her not to do sleepovers after the parties so that I can see what sort of state she is in. So far she has never been close to tipsy (btw WFG, it was 4%, not 40%!!), which is more than I could have said at her age.
scary mum
tense
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Location: Herts

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by tense »

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

My DD did preface her request with "I'll respect whatever you decide" & I think she will - at the moment, but my confidence in that lasting is waning a little. Over the last year my DD has been excluded from an increasing amount of social events on the basis that she wouldn't be interested because she doesn't drink. But although peer pressure is a big part of it, I know she feels ready to try alcohol. In the past she would just say no & has asked us to collect her early when she gets fed up with her friends. She resists my arguments about it escalating (as in bacardi breezer to neat), says she's not interested in getting legless - and points out that I happily drink a glass or two of wine without falling over (& understands that an adult can tolerate more than she could :oops: )

It's easy to say "get some new friends" which sometimes I feel tempted to say. But - apart from the underage drinking! - her friends are lovely; intelligent, hard working, sporty / musical girls, from "respectable" supportive homes. Sorry if that sounds snobbish or something.

I'm really struggling here so do very much appreciate all your views which are helping me to think through this tricky issue more clearly.
svg123
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Joined: Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:34 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by svg123 »

Sorry to differ with most of the opinions here.
Why do a 15-16 years old need alcohol to enjoy at the party?
Are we not encouraging our children by buying them drinks and letting them drink alcohol at this tender age?
I am sure there are other ways to enjoy their time and still be best friends. I for sure is against this.
As I said, I am very sorry to differ with most of the parents on the forum.
scary mum
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:45 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by scary mum »

I don't think you are differing at all svg123 - we would all prefer our children to never drink etc etc, but the fact is that it happens, and if we bury out heads in the sand it will still happen. My DD sounds very like the OP's DD - not really interested in having anything at all to drink until recently, but now feels ready to try a little, partly in order to fit in. She was horrified when some of the teenagers at the recent party got drunk and were vomiting - she laughed at them when they sent messages to everyone on Facebook apologising and agreed that she did not want to get into that sort of state. Alternatively I could keep her at home wrapped in cotton wool until she goes off to uni in 3 years time, at which time she will never have had a drink, will not know it's effects on her, and while it will be legal, her brain will still be developing and probably should not be awash with alcohol in the way that mine was at 18/19!!

It's a tough one -although some may see it in black and white I don't think that is the case.
scary mum
Waiting_For_Godot
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Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:57 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by Waiting_For_Godot »

Tense I totally understand that you want to protect your daughter by knowing the source but I think there comes a point when a parent has to put themselves first. I will never break the law for my children. The consequences could be devastating and far reaching even if the odds of getting caught are unlikely. It's not about the buying it for her, it's about you willing to put yourself in jeopardy. All it takes is for a child, who hadn't told their parent they were drinking, to end up in hospital or just so drunk that the parent involves the police and an investigation begins into who supplied what.
willow_catkin
Posts: 144
Joined: Wed Jan 05, 2011 4:49 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by willow_catkin »

My DD is only 10 but I already let her drink alcohol at home - small amout of wine with the meal, small glass of cider / breezer if we are. I firmly agree that it can become forbidden fruit and I would rather she grew up knowing all about it and the effects on her. I subscribe to the continental viewpoint.

If she asked me at 15 to buy her small quantities for a party for her own consumption then I would, first taking care as Sally-Ann said to educate her on the different types and effects.

Yes it is breaking the law, but then how many of us speed when driving, which is also breaking the law?
mike1880
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Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:51 pm

Re: Who buys their DC alcohol?

Post by mike1880 »

Just to get one thing straight: there is no question here of breaking the law. It is not illegal for an under-18 to drink alcohol at home or at a friend's house. Of course, if unsupervised drinking to excess leads on to other consequences there may be legal issues around neglect or whatever.

Mike
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