Year 1 upset

[mystery]

So now there are three of us in parallel universes. Have PM'd you OMIH.

[ourmaminhavana]

I am now very, very upset as in addition to her other moves, today DD was moved from her carpet place to sit next to someone else!!! I phoned the school and ended up speaking to the class teacher which was not good as I was very cross and will now have to go in tomorrow and apologise . I can't believe that when we have a meeting tomorrow to discuss all of the disruption she's suffered in the last week or so and the importance of stability- as well as the fact that my DD is rapidly going backwards- she is moved yet again.
Thanks for listening (if anyone is! )

[mystery]

I might be saying the wrong thing, but I wonder if because you are (rightly) upset about the move downwards and the different work therefore covered, that you are getting upset about other things that your DD will have to grow to get used to (or indeed may not be bothered about). My DD had miserable places to sit always, both on the carpet and at tables - I think because she rarely spoke at school they sat her like the filling in the sandwich between troublemakers etc, and some charming girls used to exclude her when she tried to choose to sit down next to them if there ever was a free choice of where to sit.

So from the very early days I've said that wherever you sit in class, whoever you sit next to, does not matter as you are in the classroom to learn. Although I have felt very sorry for her inside, I've tried not to show that to her as it may have made her feel worse about the situation. It has actually worked out very well as she sits happily wherever she is placed, communicates now with a wide range of children, and at 7 is happy to go off on holiday with the Brownies with a group of children she barely knows. Whereas my younger one likes to be with her "gang" whatever she does, and as a consequence is less willing to try new things, new people etc etc.

Teachers vary enormously in how they seat children, how many times a day they reseat them, how often they change the seating plan etc. Some children seem to get to spend their school life sitting next to best friend, others seem to spend the whole time sitting next to a child who is intensely irritating or distracting. Teachers should try to ensure that there isn't a problem like this affect the child's learning but it must be pretty difficult to get it right for every child in the class at all times.

[ourmaminhavana]

Thanks Mystery, I can see what you are saying and in ordinary circumstances I would agree. However, given that I already had an appointment arranged to see her to discuss how unsettled my DD was having moved house, phonics group, literacy group and numeracy group all within the space of a 48 hours I can't help but see it as extremely insensitive.

[mystery]

I agree with you, but do you think that the carpet move was for a reason which will improve learning in the end, or is it a completely rubbish one? Fingers crossed that you have a good chat with the teacher tomorrow that you feel moves things on in some way for the better. One thing at a time I think. Just remember what Scarlett keeps on telling us, we are clever and well informed and our children will not sink forever because they have us as parents and we will always do something about it, frustrating as that is when you feel that school could do it differently.

You might be talking to a brick wall tomorrow (in which case stop bashing your head on it) or you might find that it is someone who over time you can work with. Or is this just a very temporary teacher, in which case, best to wait until you get the real one?

Hope you are getting the time between work and school worries to settle into your new home. Good luck!

[scarlett]

You just need to have a very thorough chat with this teacher although I'm wondering if she is only with the class for the next 5 weeks, perhaps she might be less likely to worry about the bigger picture/ long term results then a teacher who will have your DD for a year ?

I have rang up my DC teacher before on reaching home as I was just stewing on it all ( I then have the routine of ringing my mother , best friend and then pm ing Mystery ! )but I find it's actually better to speak face to face ...I do tend to get a bit emotional , but I don't think there's anything wrong with that ...it clears the air and then you can be constructive and discuss The Plan.

Is your daughter very upset about it all ? Is she sitting with someone she doesn't like ? What's the significance of the carpet seating ? Have they had a big move around within the class ?

[ourmaminhavana]

Thanks so much Scarlett. We've now lost our hamster so will report back tomorrow after the meeting....

[scarlett]

Oh dear...sounds rather stressful in Havana land. I'll send DH round with the pink fishing net and drill ,,he's a dab hand at catching hamsters.

[faitaccompli]

Oh dear...sounds rather stressful in Havana land. I'll send DH round with the pink fishing net and drill ,,he's a dab hand at catching hamsters.

Oh that is good (as in I thought you meant RIP lost as opposed to can't find lost!)

Don't stress about the teacher moving your daughter around - what they achieve in these early years seems to bear little resemblance to how they turn out - the "cleverest" child in year 1 is now very dull and struggling to keep up with the rest of her class, and the "idiot" is top in most subjects now he is in year 6 (but still can't reliably catch a ball ...)

[mystery]

Children are like a good Camembert. The longer they take to ripen, the better the result.