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 Post subject: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
My son is quite a good musician, and plays in several bands at school (some lunchtime, some after school), he is involved daily in these activities. Now another thing has come up- he has been asked to get involved in the mock trial things they seem to do, and this clashes with one of the bands he is supposed to go to. He only ended up in this band by default as he was asked by the music teacher if he wouldn't mind filling in on base guitar.

The music teacher does not want him to participate in the mock trial team, and has explained to him that he has made a commitment to the band and so needs to honour it.

I am torn here - on the one hand I do agree that in principle, he has made a commitment which he needs to honour, on the other he is only 13, and is only in the band because he's the best/only base guitarist available, and he does want to do some extra curricular activity that is not music for a change. I actually think he is getting bored of all the bands and music that he has to practice, in addition to the piano and cello lessons he's taking.

What do others think ?

Thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:59 am
Posts: 5922
Please excuse my extreme ignorance if everyone else knows, but what is "one of those mock trial things they seem to do"? I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about. :oops: :oops:


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:49 pm
Posts: 1647
Location: berkshire
It sounds as if your son would welcome another activity outside music. The 'mock trials' are not on all year and so would be a relatively one off activity.
Can you speak to the Head of Year and explain the situation, including the fact that your son doesn't want to let anyone down but this is a opportunity he would like to participate in.
Maybe it would give another musician an opportunity to be in a band?


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
Ok I thought it was a common thing - obviously not.

Students act out the part of the barrister and the judge and the court reporter etc, and two teams compete against each other. I believe it is a national competition, and my older children's school was very involved in it, always congratulating in their newsletters, the great achievements of their mock trial team as they went from heat to semi finals etc of regional competitions, and then on to the finals. I have had no experience of it before, just thought it sounded very interesting.


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
Posts: 3758
Location: Berkshire
Chad - thanks, yes I think he would welcome the opportunity to do something else, but we have had runs in with the head of year before - she's the same one he's had since y7, and I don't think she would help. I'm thinking of speaking to the music teacher myself, and explaining that he's in danger of music overload, and needs to give something up before he loses interest, I just wanted other's opinions as to whether they think he would be letting the teacher down. His form tutor agreed that he would be, sadly. :(


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:14 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 5:27 pm
Posts: 3448
Location: london
Hi LFH

I have spent the last 3 years trying to ensure that DDs honour their commitments (sporting) and don't let people down. I have juggled coaches, heads of this and that and my own sanity at times. It has been a nightmare and they have chosen to miss out on things they might have otherwise enjoyed. Recently, through injury, their options have changed. It is remarkable how quickly the indispensable child is treated like .... on a shovel as various band/choir/sports 'leaders' have pursued their own aspirations in advance of and without any consideration for the children of whom they expect so much. Make no mistake those 'commitments' are a one way street. :evil: If he fancies it let him have a go, explaining as chad says that he understands his obligations but does not want to tie himself down too much at this stage and is keen to give others an opportunity. He will survive and so will the band. I am very keen for DC to understand the consequences of their actions but they are children and this is the time of life when they should be able to 'have a go' at anything that takes their fancy. IF that doesn't fit in with the personal career plans of their teachers then so be it.

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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:34 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2010 12:20 pm
Posts: 313
LFH, I really don't think that your son would be letting anyone down and, like you say, he is only 13. At that age, children need to take part in things that they enjoy and be given the chance to experience new activities too. He's given it a go and that, in my opinion, is the main thing. It's not as if he wants to quit music altogether; he still has the piano and cello to focus on.

Your son should not feel pressured by anyone to carry on with something just to 'honour' a commitment. He has plenty of time, as he grows older, to feel pressured by things in life. Why would anyone want him to experience that now? :(

The teacher should be happy that he has participated for this long. Who knows, maybe a break is what he needs right now and, in time, may decide to go back to being in a band.


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:40 pm 
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How long is your son expected to continue with this band ....until he reaches 18 ??? I'm sure they will find someone else and it's not as if he's leaving just to twiddle his thumbs on a park bench. My son has just announced he's leaving scouts because he wants to relax on a Friday evening instead. :roll: :evil:


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:43 pm 
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Quote:
Recently, through injury, their options have changed. It is remarkable how quickly the indispensable child is treated like .... on a shovel as various band/choir/sports 'leaders' have pursued their own aspirations in advance of and without any consideration for the children of whom they expect so much.


mad? Not all teachers are like this and you really should not generalise.

My DC has sometimes had to chose whether to represent club or school and I've always left it to him. There's never been any unpleasantness ...

Most teachers will understand ..


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 Post subject: Re: Some advice please
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 5:27 pm
Posts: 3448
Location: london
Guest55 wrote:
Quote:
Recently, through injury, their options have changed. It is remarkable how quickly the indispensable child is treated like .... on a shovel as various band/choir/sports 'leaders' have pursued their own aspirations in advance of and without any consideration for the children of whom they expect so much.


mad? Not all teachers are like this and you really should not generalise.

My DC has sometimes had to chose whether to represent club or school and I've always left it to him. There's never been any unpleasantness ...

Most teachers will understand ..


G55 I am aware that many teachers will understand which is why I only referenced my own experience rather than generalising. As you can see from my post I left it to my DC as well. Hopefully LFH will find one that understands as well.

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