Anxious six year old- possible change of school?

[ourmaminhavana]

Is the daily feedback at school which they promised you giving her some heartening praise, or is it not really working out?

Thanks Mystery, how did you guess?! The teacher forgets to do it so then I feel anxious wondering how everything's gone so as Belinda would tell me it's clearly counterproductive!

Also, one particular day DD said she hadn't had a good day the previous day, but when I asked the teacher everything was brilliant. DD then said that it had been tricky and had a very negative view of her own performance despite getting everything right....
The times she has written have been useful in highlighting the continuing difference in performance between school and home, although I think the first day she did say DD had done so well she'd then gone on to tackle whatever it was the top set were doing so she can't be that far behind! I m hoping that with a quick bit of home tuition she'll get back up to speed and her confidence will return. I can already see this with her reading, thankfully.
I've also now downloaded the criteria for different grade levels for English and so know what we're aiming for, always a plus! I hope yours age having a good week?

[mystery]

Yes they are fine thanks. I'm still cross about the way they mess around with the Read Write Inc scheme though. I'm really not sure how to proceed.

Maybe you need to keep the daily feedback simpler - you approach the teacher to find out if you can give your daughter a sticker or not - and the criterion for the sticker is that she really tried her best that day? My DD tells me the days she doesn't want me to ask the teacher - she tries to escape the playground by a back exit on those days. Very amusing - so far DD has been 100% accurate in predicting the teacher's opinion!! Basically you just dollop out the sticker and say well done and leave any talk about school at that unless your DD wants to tell you more at some point in the evening. Easier for the teacher (she just says yes or no and smiles at the child), easier for you, clearly less informative than your current system but then maybe there's a different way round that, and the positive reinforcement for your child and recognition from the teacher each eve. when she says yes to a sticker might make a marked difference.

Your KS2 sats level 5s sound super-high. What's the trick? Has anything changed substantially in the lower years to make you suspect that the trend may not last until your DD is in year 6?

[ourmaminhavana]

Yes, I think I've just got to do a little with her at home and then chillax as DS would say.

No, I don't think anything's changed, although in a small school even one member of staff changing can have a real impact. As far as I know we've had very good SATS results for a long time. Of course then it becomes self fulfilling as you attract some of the best teachers and the children with highly motivated parents. Then I am reminded again of the unfairness of it all.....

[mystery]

There is still some inconsistency there though isn't there. In a school with 80% level 5s, it's only one in five children who are not going to get level 5. So there are going to be children from the top, middle and bottom groups getting level 5 .......... so if the headteacher says your child is "average" - does he mean national average or average for your school. If he means national average then she would be in the bottom group for everything at your school it would seem, and she's not. Something somehwere does not add up!! Or else he is not expecting such outstanding results from your child's year group. I do wonder what it all means. If you see your child progress (which to date you feel your haven't) through what is going at school I'd relax, if you don't, then think again.

[ourmaminhavana]

Thanks Mystery, I don't think we have any qualms about DD's particular year group so it is odd, but I'm going to relax and focus on doing a little at home but most of all giving masses of encouragement and reassurance.
Apparently my DS started sounding out everything again yesterday and is slightly slower than all the others -although I was reassured that this wasn't a problem- so I'm really hoping she'll remember my ' it doesn't matter at all if you make mistakes, no one will be cross, just read like you do at home' mantra and just read the blooming things!
I asked what they were reading in phonics this morning and it looked quite a good level to me Tom Thumb (RWI Stage 5 set 3 yellow whatever all of that means )

[cairo]

Hi Ourmam,

Just a thought. A child psychologist once told me that young children will often say they hate school / they are useless at school / they don't understand what the teacher is saying etc, when it's not actually that that's making them anxious. So much of a young child's life is spent at & revolves around school that they believe school must be the problem, lacking as they do the vocabulary / insight / maturity to be able to express what the real issue is.

Could she be anxious about something else? I know you said you've moved house recently and she has a supply teacher at the moment. Perhaps these two combined have unsettled her? My DS at the same age as your DD spent ages saying he was useless, dim, couldn't spell anything, the teacher didn't like him etc (despite all of the above being patently untrue). Interestingly we had just moved house.

[ourmaminhavana]

Thanks Cairo, yes I think it's probably a combination of the two things, moving house and then, most unfortunately, a day later being put down into different sets with different children. I'm hoping that things will settle down over the next few weeks.

[mystery]

Yes set 5 RWI story books sounds right from the other things you have told me about the phonics and other reading your daughter is doing. Shows me even more how bonkers our school is!!! Two years on and they still can't read the teachers' handbook for RWI correctly. Aaargh.

[DC17C]

Hi just wanted to to say i moved my 2 children from an "outstanding" school to a "satisfactory" school as my dd was unhappy in her class. She was doing very well in lots of ways but was virtually phobic about the school bell and would leave school in floods of tears, there was a lot of disruptive behaviour going on in her class and there were issues of dd being bullied which I did not know about until after she left. The head teacher always seemed very remote and seemed to keep parents at a distance.

The school I moved her to was smaller - 1 form entry rather than 3 classes in the year and I just had a gut feeling that it was a good school - there was a relatively new head teacher who was and is fantastic - she has such a lovely way with the children and makes all the parents very welcome and included. The school is now an Outstanding school. Both my children have flourished there and have been really happy. The class is quite mixed with some children with SEN who have their own TA's.

Both DD and DS are high achievers in the school but teachers seem to put more emphasis on individual effort and motivating everyone to do their best work at whatever level - so they don't seem to get so hung up on who is the "best". The other school is a school that regularly gets a big proportion of level 5 s in yr6 . The current school may not get so many but my DD and Ds are on target so it has been a great school for them. If your DD is that unhappy where she is then it has got to be worth looking at the alternatives.

[ourmaminhavana]

I hope it's OK, but I thought it would be good to update this. I am absolutely thrilled to say that things have changed radically and DD loves school now! I was worried at the start of the year as I had no idea how things would go with her new teachers- whether she would start to feel anxious again- but she's been very happy right from the start.
Then yesterday, much to my surprise and delight, she was voted onto the school counsel! I hope no one minds me bragging, but I'm bursting with pride. DS would have sooner cut his own legs off than given a speech in public. I explained that lots of children wanted to be on it and she probably wouldn't as only one could from each class, but all she could do was try her best. So she wrote her little speech which I typed up for her and she practiced and practiced it (another big difference she has gone from virtually not being able to read to having almost completed the school's reading scheme ) The teacher said that not only did she read it really well but had told everyone before the votes were counted that they could only try their bests!
Thanks for letting me waffle on, anyone who's reading this!