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 Post subject: Someone Calm Me Down !
PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:54 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
.........before I start sprouting grey hairs by the hour :shock: I'm currently hanging upside down at the top of the rollercoaster and need some advice re DS sudden refusal to sit down and work on anything 11 plus related. He's tried the tummy ache / headache approach and the too much homework from school approach .I've tried the supportive, you're doing really well approach and the little and often approach .I'm now stuck and for the last hour DS has been crying his eyes out in his bedroom saying he is dim and he isn't going to try any more and may as well just take himself off to the local school which DH has helpfully slated on a regular basis. I've tried asking him what's happened to make him feel like that , but I'm worried if I give him a break that will be it and we'll never get back to where we should be . He's improved so much at school and is hovering on the top end of level 4 that I feel he has such a good chance of passing now , but I don't want to ruin it by doing the wrong thing.

Oh, it's such a delicate operation ! Someone please help me !


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:04 pm 
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Oh, scarlett - I feel your pain! We have similar battles but he does get the work done because it's set by the tutor. That was my main reason for hiring one as I knew otherwise it would be a fight. Not very helpful for you though!

Would it be the end of the world to have a break until, say after half term? Have you thought about a contract of some sort as others have suggested on the forum? Or, if all else fails, bribery?

Good luck. If it helps, you're not on your own.

Bondgirl x


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:07 pm 
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Location: East Kent
oh dear, I'm sure a wee break wouldn't hurt, or maybe sneak a bit of learning in with games?


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 6:20 pm 
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First try and find out whether it is actually the 11+ work that's bothering him and not something else, with 11+/change of school etc. being used as a convenient excuse? We were convinced our DS was feeling the pressure of the impending test but it soon turned out he was having problems at school, and he was hardly bothered about the test at all. (Though the school problems miraculously evaporated once the test was out of the way... :roll: ...so maybe it really was all getting on top of him :?: )

The other thing that kept our DS going was learning with a friend. I offered to tutor one of his classmates alongside him with the knowledge that it's much more fun learning with a friend and a lot easier to settle down to work knowing that your mate is arriving at the weekend having done the same test and you don't want to be the one who hasn't done it (I know his friend's mum used the same logic! :twisted: ) Is your son the only one in his class preparing for the test, or is there someone else who may well have a tutor but would welcome some extra practice?

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:37 pm 
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Oh Scarlett! I have this image of you being held into this roller coaster soley by your feet being caught on the bar!

It's impossible to do anything now when he's tired and overwrought but wait til he and you are 'in a good place', having a giggle over something, or some intimate moment of wonder at something, and then ask him what he think he's capable of; tell him what you think he's capable of; and try to come to some pact between you. It is clearly that 'time' in the whole process (I read the higher up post first and saw your reply to it and then looked for your post!) when feelings are coming to the fore. We are at the half way point in the school year now - a term and a half - and perhaps it's a pivotal moment for leaving the just-beginning stage behind and entering into the downward slope home (sorry, hopeless metaphors :oops: ). Look back on some of your old posts about what you told DS1 because I remember reading them and thinking I must remember that when my DS1 gets to that stage! :)

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:48 pm 
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Location: Buckinghamshire
scarlett wrote:
.........DS sudden refusal to sit down and work on anything 11 plus related. He's tried the tummy ache / headache approach and the too much homework from school approach.
This sounds just like DS2 when I was trying to get him to do some practice over the summer. Every time the 11+ was mentioned he had tummy ache/head ache/felt sick/ too tired - you name it he had it! On a couple of occassions he was on the verge of making himself sick.

It could well be that your DS has had enough for now. Perhaps insisting on practice makes him think you don't believe he can pass. Give it a break for a while and get your DS to name a day when he will do 11+ work - write it on the calendar so he can't wriggle out of the "contract"!

DS2 did about 4 papers at home plus the practice tests at school and went into the real thing full of confidence. He was successful.

I hope you manage to work through this little hiccup.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:43 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
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Thanks everyone , it's very common behaviour and 2 threads on the go about it too ! Thanks Bananas..a really sweet, supportive post as usual :D It's reassuring Bondgirl and Andy that it happens to us all !

Marylou...a real wise owl ( I've missed out the old ) and you get the gold star for correctly guessing that there was something on his mind , apparently he didn't do very well in a maths test and then had a discussion with his friend who didn't pass the 11 plus solely on his maths so has put 2 and 2 together and reached about 100 . :roll:

Anyway, we've made a " contract " as suggested and he's going to sit in my bedroom with his work as soon as he gets home from school, which funnily enough Ds1 did...how could I have forgotten ?

Thanks everyone ...I can't possibly bore friends and family any more then I already do ..keep the good advice coming :D


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:53 pm 
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I'm sure it won't happen again every day, because he is your child not mine, mine would do it every day, but to make yourself feel better if it does happen again you could try videoing one of the avoidance scenes ready for the next time his friends come round.

You see I am not as perspicaceous as Marylou (must check that in my dictionary, it looks very strange).


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:01 pm 
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Location: West Yorks
mystery wrote:
but to make yourself feel better if it does happen again you could try videoing one of the avoidance scenes ready for the next time his friends come round.



To send in to You've been Framed? :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:06 pm 
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Mystery, I thought perhaps I'd had one glass of wine too many...but I think it might be you. I don't understand your post at all :shock: I am certain you are a wise old owl though . :P


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