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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 1:01 pm 
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DD is 13 in y8 she says it is unfair that I don't want her to wear foundation to meet her friends on a sat in town. I have given in to mascara for school which I wasn't keen on but can't seem to stop. DD says everyone else wears it and their parents are ok with it. She has taken my foundation and had it on for school before which I was annoyed about. Am I being totally unreasonable and a fuddy duddy in thinking 13 a bit young for make-up? I have okayed it for parties as I know they will all put it on but a normal day time seems unneccessary. It has caused a row :roll: help please.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 1:05 pm 
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I'm surprised that they allow make up at school, but then I'm a fuddy duddy too! Good luck. I'm not looking forward to those battles and DD is only six! :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 1:18 pm 
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I am sure the school doesn't really like it but it is a fact of life it seems. I don't like it either. We have had an email from the super selective girls grammar today reminding people that tattoos are not allowed for under 18s!!


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 1:45 pm 
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It's worth checking the school policy. Our school allows "discreet make-up and nail varnish". I think they take a realistic view - after all, most adult women wear make-up of some kind and the use of the word "discreet" means learning the difference between everyday, workplace make-up and an evening look. It also demands a certain amount of responsibility from the pupils. This isn't a bad approach in my view - an outright ban opens up a potential battleground, but I find that girls are more receptive if the discussion is based on appropriateness rather than age. Besides, not many girls of that age are lucky enough to have a completely flawless complexion and may simply wish to even up blemishes (and boost their confidence) with a bit of foundation or concealer. (I often think it's a bit unfair that they can do this and boys can't, but that's another discussion!)

When my older girls started wearing make-up (DD1 at around 15, DD2 around 13) they were both a bit heavy on the mascara to begin with but we discussed it - usually in the car on the way to school - and they soon settled down to a more natural look as they started to understand the concept of subtlety. It did feel like treading a tightrope, but for me it wasn't a case of banning it altogether, but focusing on what is right for the occasion and finding what is right for them, regardless of what their friends do.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 2:59 pm 
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Predictably I shall wade in with the maiden aunt view.
When I was young, many moons ago, foundation was something which old ladies wore and all the magazines advised women under 30 to avoid as it would not only clog pores but it wasn't a good look either. I am actually shocked when I see young (by which I mean under 15 ) girls caked in the stuff...I wonder why their mothers haven't either told them how awful it looks, or at least shown them how to apply it a bit more sparingly. It is one thing to cover up blemishes, quite another to look like an orange flavour iced bun. And no, definitely not at school. Bleah.

Ditto mascara...why blonde girls are wearing black mascara is another mystery because it tends to look ghastly. I think if you are going to let pre pubescent girls wear make up then you should show them how to apply it in moderation and which colours to choose. It is so sad that pretty little things of 13 and 14 are making themselves look so much worse by doing this...when you get to my age you would give anything for the kind of skin that doesn't need coating in artifice. It sounds like your in-car conversations were very sensible Marylou. If more mothers took responsibility like this perhaps there wouldn't be so much pressure on girls to waste time and money on things which detract from their natural beauty.

That said, I guess there is no point being unrealistic and everything in moderation...but personally I would have been unhappy if DD had wanted to wear it much before 14 or 15, and I do think mothers have a responsibility to ensure their daughters are aware of what kind of image their clothes and make up are giving out. One or two of my little Year 7s have had some unwelcome attention from older males when they have gone out in particular items of skimpy wear. :(

At the school I teach in, girls rarely wear make up...it has a poor socio economic profile and I don't think they can afford it. That said, one of my Year 9s proudly showed me her belly piercing, and several boys I teach have those big earrings that make massive holes in their ears, like the Masai wear. At my DD's indie make up is allowed for covering up blemishes only, and girls are issued with tissues and soap if they come caked in it. Being an old fashioned mother, I am happy with that. I bought DD some decent make up (she was 15) and showed her how to put it on, but she very rarely bothers.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:08 pm 
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When I was at school (yawn yawn) make up was forbidden, well it was a Convent School, and I was one of the really spotty ones who had to go to school looking like an over excited dot to dot puzzle. It was a horrid experience and a little concealer would have done wonders for my self esteem.

Full blown foundation doesn't look good on young teens, it's far too heavy in my opinion but a little tinted moisturiser and spot cover just to even things out a bit must make life easier, well it would have for me. It's easy to say "No" to make if you are one of the ones blessed with a beautiful peachy skin but few are.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:23 pm 
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How people look is a matter of taste. If they want to look daft let them.
My main concern is the damage to health both from the make up and the lotions used to remove it. The constant use of chemicals on the skin not only damages the skin but reaches the blood stream too.

doodles wrote:
It's easy to say "No" to make if you are one of the ones blessed with a beautiful peachy skin but few are.

But make up will just make the already bad skin a lot worse :!:

I have never worn make up except on stage (that is pretty revolting stuff - far thicker than normal make up - it is called "pancake" with reason :!: ) I personally regard it as a huge waste of time and particularly money.

DD has probably been indoctrinated because she is very disparaging of make up on the same basis. DD adds that the vast resources (scientists, other workers, factories and raw petrochemicals) could be put to better use; particularly the petrochemicals in a world which has already passed peak oil. So I don't think I need have the arguement frotunately :)


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:28 pm 
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DD's grammar school does not allow any make-up or nail varnish to be worn with the school uniform. The only piercings allowed is one plain earstud per ear lobe. Agreeing with Amber I am happy with this as a policy.


Edited to earstud because the computer deleted my first attempt of S T U D :roll:


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:43 pm 
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Location: Berkshire
I think ours allows it in moderation. I've not had too much of a problem, my daughters didn't bother too much till maybe 15 or 16. Now they wear loads. I don't particularly agree, but they take far better care of their skin than I do, always making sure to remove it properly. I think it falls into the category of picking your battles - is it worth a major row ? I wouldn't have thought so. I think your daughter mum23* just wants to be like her friends. If you know where she is, who she's meeting and what she's up to that's more important than a little bit of makeup, in my opinion.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:00 pm 
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Oh dear, more opinions wanted and so many differing answers from so many different people :roll:

I would say, Mum23, that you should go with whatever you're happy with and let everyone else think what they like.

I allowed my dd mascara only in the first year or so of grammar and now she's gradually moved on to foundation. It is all very subtle, I wouldn't allow otherwise. I can't abide heavy make-up and think it spoils them. But I can also understand the girls wanting a little enhancement (I do wear mascara and lipstick :shock: myself, afterall :lol: ).

That being said, I can understand why, when the girls wear that horrible orangey foundation so thick and with the tide mark under their chins, people throw their hands up in horror - because it IS a horror :cry:

Hope you can find some happy middle ground with your dd :D

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