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 Post subject: Relationships at Age 12?
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:52 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:13 pm
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Have heard a lot of talk recently from my DS of his friends having girlfriends at age 12 ? I must be really old and ancient, but is this common practice ? How do parents deal with this ? My personal opinion is that it is rather young for them to even contemplate having relationships or talking about it ... But then again I may the odd old fashioned one .


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:13 pm 
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Absolutely appalling - any parent sanctioning this needs reporting to social services.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:26 pm 
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I have no idea why any parent would tolerate, let alone encourage it...but they do, and even some quite sensible ones at that, I know from experience. Goodness knows why. A lot of times I think it is little more than hand holding; but I know from my work that sometimes it isn't; that parents delude themselves, especially where darling daughters are concerned, and that s exual activity starts far earlier in teenage relationships than our generation might be comfortable with.

Watch the girls...that is my tip. Whereas they used to be warned of the prowess of young men, my hunch is that the boys are the ones who need the warnings now, and that parents are far too gullible and naive in allowing things like mixed sleepovers and kids alone with 'a mate' while they go out. 'Friends with benefits' rather common now, and without being too graphic for an 11+ forum, there are ways to have s ex which don't involve a need for contraception and which some very young girls seem to think are OK to do with multiple partners.

I find it all terrifying. While I am pretty liberal in many ways, this is one area where I think we have it so wrong, and that, sadly, mothers often collude in. Sad.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 7:27 pm 
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Location: essex
I totally agree with Amber, it is the girls who need watching now days. I have posted before on this, my son's last year at primary school was completely ruined by a predatory girl whose mother was egging her on to pursue him.

Also, I rarely agree with magwich, but on this we are as one, relationships at such an age are appalling , destructive and quite possibly illegal.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 7:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
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I think we have probably had a thread about this before but while I agree that it is too young etc etc, it is naive to say "it shouldn't be allowed". If you ban something outright it will only seem more attractive. Better, in my opinion, to allow it with close supervision and an expectation that they are just to be friends at this age. If they are closely supervised there is no reason why it should go any further than that and may teach them something about friendships with the opposite sex.

It's a difficult area though and I have some experience of it :(


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 7:57 pm 
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Scary, you are rather more sensible than many, I reckon. I think the trouble starts because parents, trying to be best friends with their children rather than parents to them, do not on the whole 'closely supervise' nor convey 'the expectation that they are just to be friends' . In my experience they either turn a blind eye, believing that their own darling offspring are too sensible to allow anything silly to take place; or actively encourage it, as in the case of marigold and also one of my own young sons.

And don't get me started on the way some 12 year old girls (and younger) dress, make themselves up etc. I have had to deal with the Police on more than one occasion at work, and have had 12 year old girls coming to me with evidence of major horrors. Some of them can easily look 18 and their mothers don't seem to think there is any problem at all with that, almost expressing amusement or even what seems like pride. :shock:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:49 pm 
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Thank you Amber :D I have to say I agree with you. I have had a battle with my son's "girlfriend's" mum as she has been all too keen to encourage it but has at least had the sense to supervise them reasonably closely. I'm glad to say it seems to have run it's course now and I'm hoping that there will be no more for a couple of years. I hope no-one seriously thinks I should be reported to SS for not banning it (allowing it implies more active encouragement - I felt it was something that it was impossible to ban).


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 9:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
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Location: Herts
I think it is all terribly sad. There is so much for them to get involved with and enjoy. Instead they lay themselves open to public ridicule and humiliation. Girls crying in the toilets because they have been "dumped", boys confused because girls are suddenly ignoring them. Everyone knowing all the details. We have a fifteen year old girl locally who was pregnant at fourteen in Year Nine. Was allowed out in the evening and started meeting local boy in the park. She has gone back to school and the mother has given up her job to stay at home and look after the baby. The horrible thing is when the boys start to behave like they "own" the girls and start dicatating to them what they are allowed to do and wear and talk to. But yes there are the girls who chase the boys and wont leave them alone. If I had a ds targetted like this I would definitely report the girls. And yes so many mothers seem to encourage it all. Driving ds around to girls house so he can deliver valentine card. I can see quite clearly just how it all goes too far. But once Pandora's box is open it is hard to get things back to an even keel. DG


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 9:48 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:54 pm
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Location: caversham
lefol wrote:
Have heard a lot of talk recently from my DS of his friends having girlfriends at age 12 ?.


My DS has had girl-friends and boy-friends and friends since age 12 months :D

Friends and friendship are a wonderful thing. 8)

Maybe you need to clarify
Quote:
Relationships at Age 12?
and if I've missed your point. :oops:


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 7:40 am 
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Location: Herts
I think everyone on this thread is very clear about what it means and it is not about having a friend who happens to be of the opposite sex. it is when a girl/boy becomes the property of someone of the opposite sex and they are described as dating or having a relationship. My dd had been friends for years with a boy in her class but then in Year Three a girl from another school arrived and decided he was her boyfriend and told my dd that she was not allowed to sit near him or play with him. The boy's mother encouraged it like mad with cards and presents and thought it was "cute" The girl's mother who used to come to pick up in a bikini with a see through wrap round her was of course thrilled that her dd had "landed" the it boy. It was all horrible. DG


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