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 Post subject: Y8 topics and language
PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 2:45 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:06 pm
Posts: 46
Location: Kingston upon Thames
I am shocked and appalled at the language and topics my DD and her friends use (Y8). When they text each other, the only words I can understand, as they are written in full, are f words. When they talk, if they think that adults are not around – they constantly swear. What is going on? It seems that there is only one topic in their conversation and that is s ex in a very explicit and disturbing form. They are obsessed with relationships, which I would understand if it hadn’t been linked so clearly and openly to physical contacts.

We had a firm chat with her; she had her phone taken away and she is better, or shall I say generally more careful? I am very disappointed as she goes to, what is seen as a very good school. I’ve met many of her female friends and they seem to be nice girls so I don’t understand how they can use such a foul language. Is it peer pressure? Hope that someone assures me that this is a phase. I’m thinking to contact school but then is there anything they can do about it?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:23 pm 
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nada wrote:
They are obsessed with relationships, which I would understand if it hadn’t been linked so clearly and openly to physical contacts.


Stick with your policy of firm talks and confiscating phones, and with luck in a few years time your children will stop mentioning anything about "physical contacts" to you, which will I'm sure work out well for everyone.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:32 pm 
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daveg wrote:
nada wrote:
They are obsessed with relationships, which I would understand if it hadn’t been linked so clearly and openly to physical contacts.


Stick with your policy of firm talks and confiscating phones, and with luck in a few years time your children will stop mentioning anything about "physical contacts" to you, which will I'm sure work out well for everyone.



If they stop mentioning things to you it could become even more of a problem - remember they can try to shock and if you show that they have shocked you they will just assume that it is never to be mentioned around parents and consequently will be unable to come to you to discuss any concerns that they have.

Don't close the door.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 3:42 pm 
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.


Last edited by Belinda on Sat Nov 03, 2012 7:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:11 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:59 am
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I have been really, deeply shocked by what a lot of kids get up to, especially at parties, and what many (most?) parents seem to endorse or at least turn a blind eye to. I worry a lot about the future mental health of teenagers having multiple partners at a young age, under the influence of alcohol, and I think it is really sad that it seems 'normal' now for this kind of thing to go on. Several close friends of mine have had distressed calls from teenagers saying 'get me out of here quick' from parties which have turned into the kind of thing which reminds one of the last days of the Roman Empire!

I am so out of step! But it doesn't stop me wishing that our young people could be spared all this additional pressure. While parents are willing to allow a whole houseful of kids to 'get changed before a party ' (ie 'preload' with alcohol) and sleepover at each other's houses after it (often sh***ing several others while they are there), I fear it won't change. Poor kids. And poor parents like me who want to run away to a desert island when I hear about it. :lol:

Don't go thinking any school is exempt, either. Private, grammar, actually I think they are almost worse than the special measures place I teach in, where there is still a kind of naïveté, albeit also troubling, which is absent from some of the very knowing girls of my DD's acquaintance. Scary. Once they are at uni, fine, but while they live in my house, nope.

Eta - sorry, Nada, that turned into a rant and contains nothing of any practical use to you. I would just say this - teenagers like boundaries and test them frequently to check that they are still there. If you don't like the language, keep saying so and keep those boundaries right where they are. Your home, your standards. But yeah, keep the lines of communication open too.


Last edited by Amber on Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:19 pm 
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My children never use bad language around me, but I know that it is a different matter with their friends, on Facebook, twitter etc. It seems to me that the "f" word is as common as breathing these days and so they have been desensitised to it. :shock:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:32 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 8:30 am
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hermanmunster wrote:
If they stop mentioning things to you it could become even more of a problem ...
Don't close the door.


I should have made my sarcasm clearer. You make my point perfectly.

Of all the things to do with thirteen year olds talking about s e x, confiscating their phone and giving them a firm talking to strikes me as possibly the worst option, although writing to the "good school" might be even worse. That this discussion is happening using software which treats the word "s e x" as so shocking it has to be replaced with an inaccurate euphemism I think we can assume that communicating with adolescents so as to guide and steer them is less important than appearances.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:41 pm 
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daveg wrote:
hermanmunster wrote:
If they stop mentioning things to you it could become even more of a problem ...
Don't close the door.


I should have made my sarcasm clearer. You make my point perfectly.

Of all the things to do with thirteen year olds talking about s e x, confiscating their phone and giving them a firm talking to strikes me as possibly the worst option, although writing to the "good school" might be even worse. That this discussion is happening using software which treats the word "s e x" as so shocking it has to be replaced with an inaccurate euphemism I think we can assume that communicating with adolescents so as to guide and steer them is less important than appearances.


sorry I usually twig to what people mean :wink: :oops: people do struggle talking about s e x with kids and feel that if it is not mentioned then nothing is happening. :?

The software filter is to protect the forum from (usually midnight of the night) spamming of various sorts from a variety of places ....


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:14 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:06 pm
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Location: Kingston upon Thames
The language issue has been sorted out and I managed to keep the door open for further discussions. Yes, I also feel sorry for this generation of youngsters who are under lots of pressure and keep announcing (broadcasting) to the whole world via different social media who, when and how touched them. I try to teach my daughter to have some self respect and keep her busy with things that are important to us as a family.

We all want our children to be happy and we all have different ways for achieving that. For me, many "cool things" are not acceptable and though my daughter gets very upset sometimes, gradually she is accepting many of my ways and rules.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:26 pm 
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Nada,

I agree the kids seem to be obsessed with relationships and language????? they think its 'cool' . My DS knows his boundaries and I make him stick to them. I too was surprised when I came across messages on blackberry messengers from his friends and the broadcast messages they send around . A friend of mine was even concerned as her daughter kept getting very strange group messages which I am sure some of you will have heard . My view is that we need to remind kids that they are kids and not adults . I was surprised to hear that this concern is now wide spread across all schools , private grammars and comps all equally at the same level.


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