independent schools and gifted children

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SUpple
Posts: 113
Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:56 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by SUpple »

Childhood has become a commodity in the west, children are valued not for what they are but for what they will become. It all goes by so very fast; just enjoy it, and them.
Wow, that really stopped me in my tracks this morning when I read that. It's so true!

This isn't a jibe at "pushy parents", as I have had to be a pushy parent too at times, but it is worthwhile just to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

Also, as for Celebrate asking a poster if they were jealous, that really was unwarranted. We are all here to help each other....right? :shock:
neveragain*
Posts: 580
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:05 am

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by neveragain* »

In order to assume someone jealous, one has to have the belief that a child's development and intellect belong to us, not to them.
People often congratulate me on my particularly bright high achieving DD, I am always perplexed. I am proud of her yes, but mainly proud for the things that she has done that are NOT easy for her, managing bullying that went on for years, trying hard at the very few subjects that were more challenging for her, and for her sustained hard blooming work.
I am not my DD.
she is not me.
I am measured by my own contribution to the world, and indeed she is by hers I hope.
It's a values based difference we are sharing amongst ourselves I think........
SUpple
Posts: 113
Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:56 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by SUpple »

Well said, neveragain!
JRM
Posts: 301
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:32 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by JRM »

Waiting_For_Godot wrote:"she revels being top of the class"

STOP THERE!

You're job is to bring up a child who can cope with failure and you are failing in this area by making sure she is top of the class.

I don't even have the energy to write anymore as our philosophies are clearly very different. Amber can do it so eloquently for me! :)

One of the things we are hoping for from Grammar school is that DS will not always be top of the class. I think there is an important lesson about character and attitude in there. But in a small school there is no choice. We are fortunate that there are non-school activities that his little sister is better at than him.

I completely agree that childhood should be enjoyed for itself. I think I agree with Amber more than you would think. I have spent a long year deciding whether to go against the grain and keep my youngest at home until he was 5. He has ended up going to school, but I am the parent that loves that the new teacher really is completely play focussed and has not given them a reading book to bring home and change every night. (Others ask on a daily basis already).

But on the other end of the scale, I can see my oldest DS light up in side when he suddenly gets something at Maths or when he comes home and researches something that has caught his imagination. That IS fun for him just as running round the football field is and building dens in the garden with his siblings. It's not about a curriculum and what he will do in the future but what genuinely excites him. And it is when you see that light and realise that it never happens at school that you feel sad. For the majority of children, they are at school for a large amount of their time so surely being excited and 'lit up' about it is what we would all want. I couldn't give a stuff about NC levels etc, but having a new teacher this year that has turned that light on again has made him a much happier boy.

We have all gone a bit poff topic celebrate, but mystery has very sensibly tried to pin down what your problem is and what advice you would like. The good thing about anonymous forums is that you get a vast array of different advice and opinions that people wouldn't be so frank about in real life. You are clearly trying to find the best next school for your child, so please do post again to see if anyone can offer some more tailored advice.
The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
Dr Seuss
JRM
Posts: 301
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:32 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by JRM »

neveragain* wrote:In order to assume someone jealous, one has to have the belief that a child's development and intellect belong to us, not to them.
People often congratulate me on my particularly bright high achieving DD, I am always perplexed. I am proud of her yes, but mainly proud for the things that she has done that are NOT easy for her, managing bullying that went on for years, trying hard at the very few subjects that were more challenging for her, and for her sustained hard blooming work.
I am not my DD.
she is not me.
I am measured by my own contribution to the world, and indeed she is by hers I hope.
It's a values based difference we are sharing amongst ourselves I think........
I agree mainly, but....

Part of your contribution to the world has been to nurture and care for your child to give her strength to do those things. That is the value of you as a family and hopefully what we are all trying in our inexpert ways to do.
The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
Dr Seuss
neveragain*
Posts: 580
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:05 am

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by neveragain* »

Absolutely I am happy to be congratulated for my parenting skills (!) :roll: and my nurturing but my point was that in order for me to assume other people may be jealous of my dd intellect I would have to place value on that intellect.........I don't think I am making myself clear!
That'll be my lack of intellect!
Should have asked DD to explain it better :lol:
daveg
Posts: 247
Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 9:30 am

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by daveg »

Waiting_For_Godot wrote: Your job is to bring up a child who can cope with failure and you are failing in this area by making sure she is top of the class.
Universities are full of "top of the class" kids who can't cope with the fact that they aren't anymore. It's a big world out there, and being resilient in the face of adversity is a lot more useful than being a big fish in a small primary school pond.
leanmeamum
Posts: 736
Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:14 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by leanmeamum »

celebrate wrote:thanks for all the replies both sides, really lol!

will take what you say on board, she tried instruments but she really wasn't interested and she loves her maths-because she is good at it, i agree regarding the kumon being robotic however i have kids in my daughters class who are still counting on their fingers at the age of 11!!!!!!!!! At least she is a whizz with her mental arithmetic, we do problem solving through other methods, she is not missing out on that.
I will continue to push her but not to the stage where she is unhappy, in fact she revels in being the top in everything she does, private schools do encourage kids to be competitive :wink:
My children and lots of my students went to Kumon as well and it is amazing to see them racing through the work. But it stops being beneficial after a certain point.

I think your daughter is at the point where she would benefit from dropping Kumon - she has mastered the basics and is super-fast but now she needs a challenge to keep her interested. It's good that you are doing problem solving with her and looking at other areas as well.

There are lots of maths quiz books and Mensa challenge books available online and you could use those to challenge her and keep her interested in the subject she loves.
leanmeamum
Posts: 736
Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2011 4:14 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by leanmeamum »

daveg wrote:
Waiting_For_Godot wrote: Your job is to bring up a child who can cope with failure and you are failing in this area by making sure she is top of the class.
Universities are full of "top of the class" kids who can't cope with the fact that they aren't anymore. It's a big world out there, and being resilient in the face of adversity is a lot more useful than being a big fish in a small primary school pond.

I completely agree - my daughter is the least competitive person I've met which always bugged me. She was never bothered with anyone's marks, etc and when I questioned her I would always get the same reply - I've got top marks so why do you want to know other people's marks!!!

I went and spoke to her teacher about it and she told me that my daughter is self-competing and sets personal goals and targets. This is better than being competitive with others and forever being in a race.

It is a big world out there and being super-competitive can lead to a lot of heart-ache if goals are not perceived to be met
JRM
Posts: 301
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:32 pm

Re: independent schools and gifted children

Post by JRM »

neveragain* wrote:Absolutely I am happy to be congratulated for my parenting skills (!) :roll: and my nurturing but my point was that in order for me to assume other people may be jealous of my dd intellect I would have to place value on that intellect.........I don't think I am making myself clear!
That'll be my lack of intellect!
Should have asked DD to explain it better :lol:
Sorry - that would be my lack of intellect not getting your point 100% spot on!

I take your point and I am sorry if it seemed like I was trying to dilute it.
The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
Dr Seuss
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