11 Plus Exams Forum

Would you ever consider being a surrogate?
My brother and his husband are looking into it at the moment and I am quietly weighing up whether or not I can offer them the services of my womb!
Think that I could only do it if there was someone else's eggs as then it wouldn't be directly related to me.

I haven't said anything to them yet as I don't want to get their hopes up but if anyone has any experiences I would be grateful to hear them.
xx

ooo Fluffy - what a difficult thing to do- and really kind of you to be thinking of offering.

I think that sometimes people feel it is better if a surrogate is more detached - you would be the child's aunt anyway and it brings up some tricky problems:

1) suppose you feel after carrying the baby 9/12 that you can't give up the child
2) would your other kids recognise that this child is not their sibling?
3) how would you all feel if the child was disabled or had problems - who would ultimately care for the child ?
4) How would you feel if for some reason you didn't like the way the baby child was being brought up
5) What would you do if stroppy teenager says "I want to live with mum" - (your name would be on the birth cert)
6) egg donation aside - you would be emotionally related - can't be any other way. Off course if you bro was to be dad - it would have to be someone else's eggs (oh genetics gets so complex)

Oh gosh, Fluffy, how brave to think of it. I know a few people who have had surrogates carried for them, but all have been unrelated, which I do think is less complicated. My best friend's sister offered to be a surrogate for her and was ready to go ahead when my friend fell pregant on the 7th or 8th cycle of IVF. I think she was glad it didn't come to that for all the reasons Hermanmunster mentions. Good luck in whatever you decide, and what a lovely sister your brother has.

I vaguely know someone who did it for an in-law. I don't know her well enough to ask about it I'm afraid. She looks fine though with her own two children round and about. I couldn't do it as I know I would want the child on D-Day.

I think it's a lovely thing to do. However I agree with all Hermanmunster's issues and the scope for upsets along the way is huge. If you really feel you can do it, I wish you the very best. Have the potential parents thought through the issues that Herman raises? Is there an additional issue - what if on D-Day the prospective parents decide they don't want the child and you are left "carrying the baby"?

If you do decide to offer, don't be offended if they say no - they may prefer the child to be incubated by a "stranger". Then again if the child does decide to explore the birth mother issue at a later date, maybe it is more desirable that it is family. Very difficult.

Fluffy have you seen this website? I think it mighty offer more information.

http://www.surrogacyuk.org/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I came close once, for my very best friend. We had acknowledged that, ironically, we might lose our friendship over it; if she couldn't handle me being with the child afterwards then that would be the outcome. Different situation perhaps though for your brother and his husband as they couldn't have carried baby.

I think it would be the most wonderful thing to do. But I agree, I could give eggs and could lend a uterus... But couldn't possibly do both. Good luck!

Thanks for your input everyone, some nice rational opinions to mooch over these last few days

I'm too old to do it but I do admire anyone that does do it. It is a tremendous gift to give to any childless couple.

My ds1 can't have children. I asked his paediatrician if his brother could be a sperm donor and she said, even when the time comes, it wouldnt be allowed, it isn't ethical. Not sure I agree with her, but we are not there yet ...

If I was you, I might just do it ...

ginx wrote:My ds1 can't have children. I asked his paediatrician if his brother could be a sperm donor and she said, even when the time comes, it wouldnt be allowed, it isn't ethical. Not sure I agree with her, but we are not there yet ...

I always think that in theory it should be the ideal solution, siblings have on average 50% of their genes in common and so there is every chance that the child could be as delightful (or irritating) as the donor sibling .... BUT the problem is in knowing who the donor is. DS1 might never quite see the child as totally his and DS2 might not quite like the way the way the child is being brought up and feel a bit posessive about the child.

having said that it does happen in the states and other countries - occasionally from other members of the family too leading to occasional kids being there legal father's half sibling .... suspect some situations are private arrangements between couples and the is nothing legally recorded...