Sleepovers..am I being mean?

[scary mum]

I agree - I hate them too. DD has been allowed 2 friends at the most & that seems to work, although she is often vile if she goes to other people's houses. She is getting sensible in her old age and ASKED to be picked up at 11pm recently. DS1 has been to one where they played computer games all night & hasn't asked to go to any more. DS2 has never asked, although has stayed over with friends for convenience a few times, but that seems more civilsed with no expectations of being up all night.

Why not go with your instincts but suggest she has one friend over for the night soon. Or only allow it in the holidays? That way you aren't saying no outright but are coming to a compromise.

[Marylou]

For older ones, so much depends on where you live - in a village, youngsters can't simply pop out and see their friends in the evening especially with public transport being virtually non-existent where we are. DD2 therefore has friends over to stay fairly often in the school holidays, and likewise stays at theirs. She's generally quite sensible though, only ever invites people from a close circle who she knows will behave, and as part of the deal we always end up with a spotless living room afterwards!

[StJamesDad]

I think they are a good thing when they work, but very bad when they do not!
Do not think that picking them up early is a good idea, unless all the DC go home.

DD1 is now only allowed 1 friend at a time as her (just turned teenage) friends are on a mission not to sleep at all.

DD2's friends are younger and a lot more sensible. It works out great and 4 or 5 of them have a lot of fun. I think the memories and bonding of friendships is worth the stroppy behaviour (due to tiredness) that can follow.

I normally do a fun and extensive menu for them in the morning and they order as if in a restaurant.
Pancakes with squirty cream and various sugary toppings and a milkshake are the most popular.

It takes days to recover fully from lack of sleep so make sure the week ahead has nothing important happening.
Ideally do it at the start of half term etc.
Never in the month (at least) prior to the GS entrance test

[Reading Mum]

DD had one with 3 friends for 10th birthday - that is as many as will fit in her room. They had 'secret' plans for a midnight feast but were told to go to sleep fairly firmly at about 10pm and were certainly sparko before we went up to bed at 11pm.

She fairly often stays over at a friend's house, or the friend comes here, as they are both only children and both the Dads travel for work regularly. I know she stays up later there but when here I send them up to get ready by 8:30pm (which is late for DD) and they chat/tell jokes for a bit and then sleep. All very sensible but that is probably because its not an unusual thing any more. DD needs her sleep and knows it. At a summer holiday camp in the garden sleepover she came in to their house at 11pm and asked for a bed as she needed to sleep and they wouldn't settle down

I would be very wary of a very late night or no sleep sleepover - its me that has to pick up the pieces the next day.

[hermanmunster]

Best sleepover was the year 5 and year 6 of an all girls prep sleeping in the main hall..... mothers slept in the nursery. Great fun.