Sleepovers..am I being mean?

[pixiequeen]

My DD2, who is 9, has been invited to a sleepover party. She went to one before christmas where none of the children went to sleep before 4am. My DD2 was vile the next day, and there were tears and shouting (her, not me!) before we could get her to go upstairs for a nap in the afternoon. I told her at the time that I was not happy about it, and this time I have said she's not to stay the night, but I will go and pick her up at 11pm. Another child is going to leave at this time too. I actually still think 11pm is much too late but its better than 4am... the parent in question is planning to try and get the other children in to bed by midnight (so make that at least 1am before they even attempt to get to sleep...)

Am I just being a kill joy? (think my DH thinks so) or is 11pm still too late?

Really interested to hear what other parents think. Don't have a precedent for this as DD1 was quite a lot older before she went to a sleepover with more than a couple of friends.

[dlb]

I would let her go! Not the end of the world being cranky for a day! Life's short and she'll remember forever that you never let her go!

[Tinkers]

My DD had a sleepover for her 8th birthday. At 10:30pm DH went upstairs and sort of read the riot act, along the lines of 'it is time you lot were asleep, we are about to go to bed ourselves and we don't want to hear a peep out of any of you'
Sure enough they were very quiet. If they can't talk to each other, the only alternative is to go to sleep.

She went for a sleepover next door just before Christmas. Not quite the same riot act read, but words were had when they weren't going to sleep.

If the parents are prepared to be firm but fair about them getting to sleep it should be fine. I guess it depends on the parents concerned. If it is a 'not get any' sleepover and DD is grotty the next day, then it is probably better to bring her home. If she isn't the only one then I guess your aren't the only parent with issues over this.

[KS10]

I hate them with a passion, especially if it is a group of girls. I am sure it brings out the worst in some of them. I can just about cope with the idea of DD staying with one other girl.

[fairyelephant]

Sleepovers seem to be all the rage (gosh showing my age with that gem ) at my dc's primary. I have often let them go and had tricky time the next day. Have also said no a couple of times, particularly if there is something important the next day, dc not too familiar with host family or there seem to be too many kids going (any more than 4 seems to spell disaster)! Do think ds was actually relieved when I said no a couple of weeks ago. Staying til 11 is still a treat.
Last summer I agreed to host a sleepover for ds' birthday. 6 boys invited, no school thought would be fine. They were all asleep by 12, so far so good, but then someone got up for the loo at 5 and that was it, they were all awake and no amount of persuasion could get them to shut up! Dh was beside himself - lack of sleep never again......

[pixiequeen]

So far I think I am sticking with picking her up at 11...Thank you all for your comments ....I think there may be children there that my DD doesn't know and I actually don't know the parent well enough to know whether they will be strict about bedtime... but my guess is not...

Any other views very welcome.

Pixiequeen

[scarlett]

We do have sleepovers here quite a lot and there is no way I would let the DC stay up, larking around until the small hours. I like my sleep too much plus I couldn't relax if I didn't know they were all comatose and not likely to let themselves out of the front door or burn the house down. We have had one child who demanded to be taken home at one am and just wouldn't be persuaded otherwise. He was bored, apparently. That is another thing to consider...If dd doesn't know the family or other dc well you might have to pick her up in your baby doll nightie!

[Marylou]

We also have sleepovers quite often, and they are fine as long as there's enough time left at the weekend to recuperate from the tiredness and crabbiness that often result. The children also need time to recover.

Room size dictates that sleepovers of more than one or two friends are based in the living room. We do insist on them settling at a reasonable hour, though. If I do need to come downstairs to read the riot act it’s usually with a reminder that we’re directly overhead and can hear every word. Usually does the trick!

[Amber]

I am with KS10 on this. Hated them. Luckily so did DD, possibly coloured by the experience of breaking both wrists at once the day after one...so tired she thought she could fly, was my theory. One child upper limit overnight here. One of my friends was called by her distraught Year 7 daughter to go and collect her as parents had gone to a party, 5 girls alone, 1am and no one home and she was scared. I suppose the parents thought it was cheaper and more acceptable than getting a babysitter.

As another poster said, they seem all the rage (when I was young, the only reason friends stayed over was if a parent was ill or about to give birth), but I think mostly among primary and lower secondary girls...they seem to die out in favour of post-party drunken crashing out, from what I can gather, once Year 9 or 10 is reached.

Get her at 11 and trust your instincts, Pixiequeen. Deep down she will probably be grateful.

[mad?]

the parent in question is planning to try and get the other children in to bed by midnight

Well, that sounds pretty half hearted doesn't it? 'Planning...by midnight'. Hardly emphatic and bound to be another 4am if you ask me. I'm in the 11pm camp, then you have room for manoeuvre when dd gets older. Enjoy your family Sunday!