Self confidence
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fairyelephant
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:59 am
- Location: N London
Re: Self confidence
Ginx your dd sounds really lovely. If the drama teacher knows she is too nice to push for good parts, perhaps she should push for her just once, so she knows she can do it. I was always criticised for lack of confidence, at school, then at work 
but can honestly say that if she knows she is really loved and valued, there's not much more you can do. It can just be your nature to feel that way, and school can be a rotten place if you're not confident, however able you may be. Maybe point out her achievements, ask if there's anything you can help with homework-wise (could be a mistake!). She will find her thing over the next couple of years.
but can honestly say that if she knows she is really loved and valued, there's not much more you can do. It can just be your nature to feel that way, and school can be a rotten place if you're not confident, however able you may be. Maybe point out her achievements, ask if there's anything you can help with homework-wise (could be a mistake!). She will find her thing over the next couple of years.Re: Self confidence
Scary mum, your advice is useful. I think she might be terrified if she had a speaking part ... she's very melodramatic and happy to do things others don't want to - to dress up in a silly costume, or act as a donkey, or things others don't want to. She does singing and dancing at drama because she isn't given a speaking part. It's too late to ask for a speaking part this year at her Saturday club; but I could ask her teacher at school. But she lets all the other students have the best parts. The drama teacher at the parents consultation yesterday told her to learn to be selfish! (Must add; nobody has every told me that; not to mention dd2, who is incredibly selfish!)
Dd2 (I hate not being able to name her) does have a mentoring system, doesn't like older pupils (although would have more in common with younger pupils).
Your excellent piece of advice is for her to volunteer at a home. She's quite uninhibited. I don't want anyone to think there's anything wrong with her - there isn't - she just isn't quick, not helped by rather mumbly speech and lots of spots. She's quite tall and hates it, and thin, but she is like me. I look at ds2 in year 2 who is over confident - but it's carrying him a long way, just believing in himself.
If she volunteered at an old people's home and just listened or made cups of tea or something, she might like it.
It's a horrid thing to say really but she's a much nicer person than dd2 in many ways however clever dd2 is. Because she is kind, loving, demonstrative, honest and fun. I am glad that despite this they get on very well together.
Dd2 (I hate not being able to name her) does have a mentoring system, doesn't like older pupils (although would have more in common with younger pupils).
Your excellent piece of advice is for her to volunteer at a home. She's quite uninhibited. I don't want anyone to think there's anything wrong with her - there isn't - she just isn't quick, not helped by rather mumbly speech and lots of spots. She's quite tall and hates it, and thin, but she is like me. I look at ds2 in year 2 who is over confident - but it's carrying him a long way, just believing in himself.
If she volunteered at an old people's home and just listened or made cups of tea or something, she might like it.
It's a horrid thing to say really but she's a much nicer person than dd2 in many ways however clever dd2 is. Because she is kind, loving, demonstrative, honest and fun. I am glad that despite this they get on very well together.
Last edited by ginx on Sun Oct 06, 2013 5:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Self confidence
Hi ginx.
I also felt quite emotional reading about your daughter. She comes across as a lovely young woman and unfortunately it is the quiet, well behaved girls who get overlooked in schools (In my opinion of course)
i agree with the poster who suggested one to one time with you. Could you have a day shopping together with a grown up lunch somewhere?
As a mum of 4 myself I know how hard it is to split yourself 4 ways and to give everyone equal attention especially when there are some who demand more attention than others. Don't be hard on yourself it's such a difficult job, all any of us can do is our best!
I also felt quite emotional reading about your daughter. She comes across as a lovely young woman and unfortunately it is the quiet, well behaved girls who get overlooked in schools (In my opinion of course)
i agree with the poster who suggested one to one time with you. Could you have a day shopping together with a grown up lunch somewhere?
As a mum of 4 myself I know how hard it is to split yourself 4 ways and to give everyone equal attention especially when there are some who demand more attention than others. Don't be hard on yourself it's such a difficult job, all any of us can do is our best!
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inkypinkyponky
- Posts: 1864
- Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:41 pm
- Location: Gravesend, Kent
Re: Self confidence
Your DD1 and my DD2 (nearly 16, year 11) could be identical twins! Overshadowed by her other siblings in the academic world, yet an utterly delightful, charming, precious child in her own little world.
We've tried so hard not to judge her compared to her brighter siblings, but it's so difficult not too, when they find school a breeze, and she struggles along taking 5 GCSEs.
Just be patient, loving and be the rock from which she longs to soar from...........and with love and encouragement she will take off one day.
I have the following quote on a postcard in my kitchen, and when I read it I smile, because DD2 is listening to a drummer that no-one else can hear but herself. I've tried to hear her drummer, maybe one day I will, but for the moment I'm just there when she needs me........
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
Henry David Thoreau
We've tried so hard not to judge her compared to her brighter siblings, but it's so difficult not too, when they find school a breeze, and she struggles along taking 5 GCSEs.
Just be patient, loving and be the rock from which she longs to soar from...........and with love and encouragement she will take off one day.
I have the following quote on a postcard in my kitchen, and when I read it I smile, because DD2 is listening to a drummer that no-one else can hear but herself. I've tried to hear her drummer, maybe one day I will, but for the moment I'm just there when she needs me........
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
Henry David Thoreau
Re: Self confidence
inkypinkyponky, what lovely words. Thank you. x
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silverysea
- Posts: 1105
- Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 3:32 pm
Re: Self confidence
Another idea for work experience for her age is helping at riding stables - just another idea to throw out there.
Re: Self confidence
What would I do without you all?
Re: Self confidence
Have you thought about looking around a few colleges for post gcse? I have looked at, and tried, a couple for one of my children and have been delighted. Pick the right one and they can be welcoming, encouraging, dynamic, offering real opportunities in vocational subjects for those whose talents are not A grades at A level.
Many offer great drama, art, beauty, catering, childcare, computing, hairdressing, sport, etc. Our local one also has opportunities to connect with the local community, encourages and helps with finding volunteering and work experience, great for building confidence and independence. I've been really impressed with ours. Make my other childrens' grammar schools seem very restrictive and boring.
Many offer great drama, art, beauty, catering, childcare, computing, hairdressing, sport, etc. Our local one also has opportunities to connect with the local community, encourages and helps with finding volunteering and work experience, great for building confidence and independence. I've been really impressed with ours. Make my other childrens' grammar schools seem very restrictive and boring.
Re: Self confidence
Thanks, everyone. asdguest, it's great to hear of good college courses, and to suggest they might even be more interesting than grammar school work!!!! Not everyone can be clever. I'm not, for a start, but I do often question what actually is "clever"! 
I might take dd1 shopping alone to acknowledge the fantastic comments her teachers made. Because they all said how lovely she was to teach. Dd2 will be jealous but she had her turn when she passed the 11+. Ds1 will understand. He's 15 and is aware of these issues, difficult not to be when he's at the same school with the same teachers.
I might take dd1 shopping alone to acknowledge the fantastic comments her teachers made. Because they all said how lovely she was to teach. Dd2 will be jealous but she had her turn when she passed the 11+. Ds1 will understand. He's 15 and is aware of these issues, difficult not to be when he's at the same school with the same teachers.
