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 Post subject: Kids party non-rspvers
PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 272
As my daughter is turning 4 and leaving her pre-school to go to big school in September, we decided to hold a birthday party for her. She wanted a particular sports theme party which we had been to before for one of her friends, so we booked that and an appropriate sized hall. The party service is priced per group size, so we chose the group size and issued invites accordingly! My daughter had firm ideas about who she wanted to invite, and although I was eager to try and include certain others, we had a limit, and once she had decided, that was that. Much to my annoyance, not to mention extreme disappointment for my daughter on the day, quite a few Mums, did not even have the courtesy to reply, and simply didn't turn up! Having gone through the whole party scene with my eldest, I have to say I rarely encountered this kind of rudeness. Maybe the odd one, and in fact, there was usually a good reason or at least an apology the next time we would meet. But this time, nothing. Not even a cursory acknowledgement. Aside from the money that was spent, it is just so appallingly rude! It can't be a coincidence that three of the children in question, are the only 'friends' in her group, who are already displaying clique behaviour bordering on bullying...which has often seen my daughter quite upset, they play with her when they say she can play, and have used unsuitable language that is way beyond a 3 to 4 yr old vocabulary...this was also backed up by one of the Mums who has helped out occasionally. Perhaps I should ensure that I choose the invitees next time, although it is difficult to steer your children away from friends like this, particularly at this age. Anyway, point said. Has anyone else encountered this lack of rsvp etiquette?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:40 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
Posts: 4024
Location: Reading
From my own experience, is it possible that the children didn't even show the invites to their parents?

DDs current group of close friends are girls with mums I talk to and know quite well, so it's not really an issue, but occasionally I have found an invite in DDs bag that she has forgotten about. I do apologise if we've missed it though, but by year 6 the mums know each other and will ask if the invite has been seen.

At least you didn't have a parent abandon their other daughter on you as well as the one invited without even asking and driving away before you get chance to say anything. That happened last year to us and apparently we aren't the only ones this has happened to. Needless to say she is not getting invited again. Same girl didn't turn up at another girls party but hadn't said that she wasn't coming. Unfortunately there are some people out there that just are like that.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:46 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
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I think the "non handed over invitation" may well be the answer to this - and I am afraid that if the girls are cliquey and unfriendly that they may well have chosen not to give the invite to the their mothers.

On occasions I used to phone if I handed heard and say

" not sure if the invite has got lost but I just need to give the final numbers in.. is Horace coming to the party?"


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 2:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:57 am
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I agree, this was often the case with my eldest daughter, and as you say, a quick call usually put them in the picture! But definitely not the case here, as the kids are 3 to 4 yr olds, the pre-school teachers hand them out and they were all delivered for definite. They are handed out at the end of the session, and I was there picking up at the time. While I do have contact details of the mums who did reply, I didn't have the contact details of those who didn't...perhaps for very good reason! No, I am usually very good at giving people the benefit of the doubt, and did so in this case right up until the point they didn't show up..no other explanation than just plain old rude I'm afraid! :?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:38 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:59 am
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I have experienced this too, when my lot were tiny. I ended up phoning round and one parent (a father as it happens) actually said 'why do you need to know?' which left me a bit nonplussed. I also had one child not turn up after accepting and we got told a few days later that they had gone to the theatre instead. The mother in that case actually came and asked if there was a party bag for her child! I think you are right that some people are rude and sadly they are teaching their children to be rude too - 'don't bother to reply; if you get a better offer then go with it, even at the last minute'. As the years wore on I became very much more selective with the type of birthday celebration I was willing to countenance, and the people I was willing to invite, too, I'm afraid.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:20 pm
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Location: Warwickshire
I'm afraid after several letdowns with ds1's parties (not helped by his birthday being at the end of the summer holidays and invites having to go out at the end of term giving everyone more than 6 weeks to forget about it :( ) I'm now in the 'be blunt about it' camp when it comes to doing it all again for ds2. Usually I'll put something like "RSVP by <date> so we know you are coming and can confirm the numbers. If we don't hear from you we will have to assume you are not coming"on the invitation. And then put email, mobile AND home numbers on it so there's no reason they can't contact you. Any who don't answer that we've got contact details for I'll try to get in touch with before the cutoff date. But if you put the date early enough there's usually time for a 'round 2' of invitations for any spare places!

Generally we've done things where the exact numbers aren't that critical, so we don't get stung by the pay per head and then they don't all turn up situation. Our favourite venue does things like a fixed price den building for up to 20 children (and as many parents as care to get involved!) party with a self catered party room which can seat double that if needed, and a covered outdoor area where we can do a separate parents' buffet while they're hanging around. So no problem if we do end up with the odd extra observer/guest for food only - in fact we usually say "siblings welcome to join us for party food" on the invites - but just ask them to let us know numbers.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:11 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:04 am
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Hi, this happened to us as well. We organised a joint party for our younger dcs, they could have seven guests each from school(they had others from family close friends etc). Some guests didn't let us know if they were coming or not, this was frustrating but you think never mind, we will have fun anyway, however I had a number of phone calls on the morning saying that dcs who had said they were coming were ill.
Dd arrived home from school on the monday and told me that several of her friends that had 'been ill' had attended a bar-b-que that day. Each dc had three friends each turn up. I haven't thrown a party since...
(We did all have a really good time though)

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:37 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
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I once held a joint party (it was straight after school / end of term) and the 2 kids invited the whole class (18 in total) - one girl actually said to the two birthday girls "mum's not sure yet in case might be something more important to go to" :? certain temptation to withdraw that kid's invite :lol: :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:08 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 272
Well this has sure been an eye opener, and I am almost inclined to follow up with your approach turtleglos! Much as we love to make our children's birthdays special, I can't help feeling that spending £30 per head on children that have parents who don't have the simple social etiquette to either accept or politely decline, is just not something I want to allow myself the indignation of bearing again! Terrible manners, do these people throw parties themselves?? Much as I would love to return the 'insult' one day, I just could never, would never, allow myself to behave that way. Best thing for it, is to keep the invites to a 'select' few, and the rest can hang out for their 'better options' elsewhere :lol:


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:10 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 12:06 pm
Posts: 2093
Location: Birmingham
I'm feeling really guilty now, as a few weeks ago I had quite a nasty virus.
Dc5 arrived home from nursery with a rather nice invite to his friend's party. I pinned it to the noticeboard and, through the general fog and haze of being-a-mum-while-ill, forgot all about it.
Last weekend, I was, happily beginning to feel a bit better, and so decided to look at the invite. The party had already taken place. :( :( :(
So I know (having been on the receiving end) how annoying it is not to get a reply, but please cut us poor parents some slack, too - sometimes the juggling of keeping all the balls in the air act falls down somewhat :|


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