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 Post subject: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:14 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:44 pm
Posts: 32
We recently moved to a new place(rented property) for my son's school. He got into a grammar school which starts in September. At present we are travelling a long way for his primary school till the school finishes.
My son is so unhappy and doesn't want to be here! He wants to go back to his old home and school and his friends. I am totally distraught as I thought i am doing the best for him. It is only few days and his new school doesn't start till September.He is a bright boy and so far has been great in both academic and extracurricular activities. I am really worried thinking all this change may affect him personally and his work. The decision decision of moving and changing school was not taken in haste. We are looking out for houses to buy in the area but now i just feel I have let my son down miserably. Has anyone else been in this situation where they had to change house/ school/ area ? How did your DC cope? I just want my son to be happy....


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:26 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:30 am
Posts: 2248
What a horrid situation for you both. I am sure you thought long and carefully about this, and it sounds like your son will be ideal for grammar school. I have no experience of this but hearing about lots who have i really think you should feel reassured that the vast majority of childrena re extremely resilient and settle in time. He would be finishing primary soon anyway, but I do thi there are things youc an do to make it easier perhaps
- hopefully you are already doing the mummy acting! That is all about don't worry dear, you will settle, smile smile etc, no matter how you feel inside
- can you find a possible friend or contact for the new school and arrange a meet up or something?
- is the area you have moved to one that he and you will like? I think you will all settle happily given a bit of time, but this will not be so easy if you have compromised on the area you would like to live in, for example town when you love country, or vice verse, or noisy when you love peaceful etc
- can you also arrange ways for him to keep in touch with one or two bestest friends from primary. This is where a mobile, if you plan for him to have one, can be so useful. With some friends here, I am arranging for the four boys, all attending different schools, to meet, with our help, once a month for pizza or film, but as they get older this can shift to their own arrangements
- get him used to the new journey to school, an easier one than he currently has, or at least nearer, but walk it or do it with him in whatever form the transport takes, maybe taking in cafés, sweet shops, whatever will be available on the way to make it nice, or at the very least, take the unknown out of the journey, practice the bus or whatever.

I am sure he will settle, so long as he doesn't pick up your anxiety, so as long as youa re happy with where you are living and so on. You have not done a bad thing at all, he will be fine, but you can help him get there.

All the very best


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:31 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
Posts: 8113
we moved at that stage - the only difference was that the kids finished their old school and next day we moved to the new house and didn't go back for several months (at least the kids didn't - we had to go back now and again).

- I think the total separation helped, I suspect that your DS is feeling that the other kids are chatting about their new local schools and he feels left out, he won't understand at his age that this is all transient and many of the other kids will not be in touch with each other either soon.

Might be good if you can get in contact with some people who DS is going to be at school with and start looking at clubs etc etc - there may be summer courses / clubs going on locally etc

Moving away from the familiar can be stressful at any age.


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:33 am 
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I am not quite clear. There are more than a few days of term left and he would have had to change school anyhow, and he is attending his old school currently?

My children hate change which I think indicates we should do more of it. If you have moved close to his new school that is lovely as he will not have a big journey.

He must be worrying about a new school in September and be the sort of child who takes a while for a place to feel like his home.

You have done nothing wrong. Once you have time to explore the new area together I am sure he will cheer up, and you can invite his old friends for sleepovers and weekends as they live a distance away.

Maybe, as you have another house move coming up you can work out with him some things that he likes as a constant which he can have in his rented house bedroom and his room in the future permanent house?


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:48 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:44 pm
Posts: 32
Thanks for your reply. We had to leave the old house because it has been sold. I will try my best to keep him happy. It is an overwhelming experience!


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:59 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
Mine would find it overwhelming too. They always want to go home for the first few days of a holiday! I am sure it will improve soon. Easier said than done, but best you can do is keep happy about it yourself and the feeling will hopefully catch on.

He might have been feeling sad about secondary school transition at the moment anyhow.

Wonderful that you sold the house and all your plans are coming to fruition. You couldn't have done anything better!


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 9:53 am 
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I think all the children in my son's class are feeling a little unsettled any way at the moment. The moving up to secondary school has become a really big deal - with transition days and uniform evenings and such like, so it is on their mind a lot and, coupled with the fact that primary life changes about now from being structured, SATs focused work, work, work to being more fluid and about year 6 plays and day trips out and leavers parties and hoodies and the like, makes it very confusing and challenging and emotional, as well as exciting. To top that with a move from a settled house to a rented home in a new area, would phase most adults, so it is not surprising that he is getting a bit stressed. Focus on trying to keep positive, remind him that everyone is moving on, as others have said, focus on helping him maintain contact with those he likes and maybe making contact with new friends. Come September he will have a new school to focus on and it will hopefully improve.


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 11:02 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:51 am
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Just thinking back we made the time after we moved one big holiday that year. We had moved to holiday area so plenty to do and see - took kids minds off the old house and school


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 1:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 11:41 am
Posts: 4600
Location: Essex
Skype is very useful :D - I am amazed at how many of our children's friends have it; possibly they have lots of relatives in other countries. I never use it but DS2 has been known to spend hours on end wittering to his friends. Usually on the subject of Pokémon...

Has your DS's new school had its induction day yet? Hopefully that will go well and he will start making new friends in the area.

_________________
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx


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 Post subject: Re: Distressed mum
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:37 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 2:51 pm
Posts: 1035
My eldest son was distraught when he discovered what secondary school he was going to. He was the only child in his class going and knew hardly anyone. His friends all went together for inductions and were excitedly talking about knocking for each other so that they could walk to their new schools. On the last day he cried and cried. We gave him a great summer with lots of activities to take his mind off and by the time September arrived the distance the six weeks holiday gave him made it bearable. He settled quickly and we have never looked back. It is the unknown which causes the anxiety. They are all anxious by now and need to finish school. I remember finding the last two weeks especially unbearable as it was about constant goodbyes which made year 6 relationships even more intense as they desperately hung on to each other.


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