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 Post subject: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:46 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:39 am
Posts: 109
Any useful suggestions for this 19 year old? She's a first year international student at a UK university, and her parents are obsessively controlling. They have always insisted that she has Skype up and running - even when she was at boarding school - so that they can check up on her. Her parents recently emptied her (joint) bank account as some sort of threat, and on a recent trip to visit her from their home abroad, have installed a camera - with night vision - in her university room to spy on her day and night. They are allowing her one hour to eat her dinner, and when not at lectures or meals, she must be in her room working. She is financially dependent on her parents. Is there anything she can do?


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:55 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: Reading
I'm sure there are laws against that sort of controlling behaviour, but difficult if they are her only source of funding and she doesn't have the 'free' time to go and find help.
Maybe her best bet may be to write to someone, under the guise of 'doing' work at try and see if she can find someone to help her. I'm sure her parents can't read what she would be writing. Maybe talking to her tutor would help. If they are constantly listening in, then hand the tutor the letter.

Do any of her relatives know what they are doing and would they be supportive? Can they talk to the parents?


This behaviour is not acceptable. I hope she can get some sort of help.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 6:57 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 7:30 am
Posts: 2248
How do you know all this is happening? Clearly she must have some time to fill you in about it? Can you get her away for a while to talk to someone?


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:00 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 11934
I'm sure that installing such a camera is illegal - is it on university premises.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:04 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: Reading
Even if it isn't illegal, someone in the university could tell them it was and it had to be removed. They might not know any better.

Unfortunately that only seems to be part of the surveillance. And she needs to be able to report it to someone in authority there to start with.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:11 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 11934
Yes she needs to see a tutor and find a way of getting the university to 'scare' them off.

I know that halls do check rooms from time to time and so this device could be 'discovered' and the parents written to.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:22 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:39 am
Posts: 109
She is a friend of my DC. She is able to talk freely at dinner/breakfast. I've suggested she could skip a lecture and go to the advice unit, but I wonder if there are any organisations out there who might be able to help. I suspect this sort of behaviour might escalate, and she should have a place of safety to escape to. But as an alien, I wonder if she could end up being deported back to her country of origin.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:34 pm 
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There's no need to skip a lecture. She must be able to use the library or maybe have an 'extra' tutorial.

Thank goodness she has your DC as a friend :D


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:40 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 1:05 pm
Posts: 4019
Location: Reading
And there's also group project work as another excuse.


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 Post subject: Re: Scary parents
PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:48 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 11934
http://www.ukcisa.org.uk/

Anything on here ...


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