11 Plus Exams Forum

Someone in an earlier post mentioned sleepovers.
It made me ponder...
I must admit that I have a very anti attitude towards sleepovers. It might be harmless in a young age (if not organised too often), however, how do you control kids when they reach young teenage age? OF course it is fine when your kid is being sent to your best friends' house now and then (since you know parents very well), but otherwise your kid slips from your control. Once your little ones get used to the idea from the young age , how do you stop them later if they want to party all night with the wrong kind of mates?

Any opinions welcome.
PS. I do not consider myself a control freak. My son has lots of independence eg walks himself from school for the last two years and so on..

This summer we took 3 teenage boys (my oldest son and two friends)
on holiday to Norfolk to tour some BMX parks. One of his friends we had never met before the holiday. We collected the friend from his house on the departure day and met his parents then! I had no problem with this; I trust my son to choose his friends wisely and so far he has. Behaviour was never really an issue. They all share a passion for BMX and that was more important to them than acting silly just because they were away from home. A couple of weeks later they went on another BMX tour, organised by someone else's parents. As for partying all night, they're usually too exhausted!

We can't keep them wrapped in cotton wool, but we can explain the dangers facing them from the wrong kind of mates, then hope they listen to our advice and stay away from danger. So far it's worked for us, but we never take it for granted. Teenagers and peer pressure go hand in hand.

I see your point Mousaka. Really we shouldn't allow our kids to stay with people who we don't know at all. However I suppose if we know the child well and know a little about their background, how they behave, and about their family then I suppose we all have to make a bit of a judgement as to what is safe here. Unfortunately all things in life come with a little risk. That is the tough part about parenthood. One persons judgement may vary considerably from anothers.

Personally I think sleepovers are good fun in moderation but I do know of parents who really overkill them to the point where it isn't exciting anymore and you wonder whether they might actually want to spend some quality time with their child themselves.

Last year my son (aged 13)went to a sleep over at a friends - there were about 6 lads staying there. I thought it best if i dropped them off and double checked with the mum, she said it was fine. My sons friend is a nice lad, very shy but seems ok. Anyway at about 10pm I got a call, my son and another boy came home - turns out that the mother went out when all the lads arrived, leaving them to their own devices - she still hadn't returned by 10pm. I was very proud of my son for being so sensible!

Turns out the lady stayed out until 2am!

sometimes what you would consider sensible parenting isn't what other people do!

There could have been mayhem!!!
13year olds need supervision. Luckily, your son is sensible. My boy would have thought, GRRRREAT!!!!!!

Thanks for your thoughts. Very busy at the weekend. I will respond fully when I get back to work .
My son was invited recently for a sleepover to a nice boy, however last time he was at his house after school he played GRAND THIEF AUTO!!
When asked by my son whether he can go there I did not respond and destracted him. As a result he forgot and never touched the subject again (he is 10) .
This time I got away. What is ahead?

This time I got away. What is ahead?

Oh, around 9 years of angst, compromise, arguments and worry before he finally leaves for university and you'll have no idea what he's up to at all!

Actually my boys didn't seem to be into sleepovers much at all - my 13-year old daughter is another matter. One answer is to ensure that your house is available to host as often as you can stand it so that at least you know some of what is going on, to limit the numbers, and to go to the video shop to help choose a sensible dvd to send them all to sleep......

mousaka wrote:Thanks for your thoughts. Very busy at the weekend. I will respond fully when I get back to work .
My son was invited recently for a sleepover to a nice boy, however last time he was at his house after school he played GRAND THIEF AUTO!!
When asked by my son whether he can go there I did not respond and destracted him. As a result he forgot and never touched the subject again (he is 10) .
This time I got away. What is ahead?

My son is also 10. We have an agreement that he doesn't play any game with a certificate greater than 12. Perhaps you could trust him with a similar agreement?

My son is also 10. We have an agreement that he doesn't play any game with a certificate greater than 12. Perhaps you could trust him with a similar agreement?

I wouldn't trust him for the simple reason that he thinks it is OK to watch them, because everybody from his class watches them!!! At this stage he thinks I am nasty to him banning him from watching 12+ movies.

I am anti. I do not think there is any need for them. My child has a couple of weeks away from home each year to attened courses and another on holiday with school. She is very sensible and is able to go shopping with her mates etc. Child is 11. She would rather sleep in her own bed anyway.

Sleep overs are just a fad.