Call of Duty and other screen horrors

[Yamin151]

I have posted on here before about screen time. Just when I thought I'd got the timing sorted out, I'm being hit again and again with the Call of Duty argument. My boys are 11, I think its patently not suitable, but they are vociferous in their disagreement with me.
I have no intention of giving in, but wondered what others felt was an OK age, or how they handled the fallout of refusal (or maybe its just mine, but virtual hysterics here, I'm wondering if its a social exclusion thing, sigh!)

[copella]

I think COD is not suitable for 11 year olds and banned it from my house as long as I could. I relented when my eldest was nearly 15 and noticed that they could access it via You Tube, but only on the agreement that it was not played in front of his younger brother. When he complained I just walked away. My kids are used to us saying no and know it isn't worth pushing. I am aware that the youngest plays it at his friends houses and there is nothing I can do about this unless I seriously want to undermine his relationships, but at 13 I think he is too young to own it himself. We have spoken to them about our thoughts on the game, the way woman are represented and the excited depiction of murder and crime, they just say they aren't into this and like the cars and chasing.

Luckily however Fifa dominates in our household, so saying no did not cause too much of a rift.

[DC17C]

I many be shot down in flames for doing so but my 12 year old does play COD and has done for a while. I have to say I am no fan and DS knows that - I relented on my ban as ds was playing at his friend's house and I began to feel he was being excluded - ds has never been the most sociable child.
The thing that made me relent was chatting with my partners' brother who is an educational pychologist and his teen age son also plays and he felt that DS would be OK so long as sensible boundaries are in place.

Having played some of the games DS is now less interested in them and prefers Fifa and minecraft and remains pretty level headed and spends less time on the PS4 than he used to so perhaps they have lost their attraction now. We don't have any screens in bedrooms - always where I can see what is going on .

[salsa]

Some have gone very far to persuade their children against that game. Think about this Swedish father who took his sons to a war zone to show them what war was really like. I read it on the newspaper, but cannot find it now. Until then, there is a reference on this link.

http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-top ... 67/?page=1" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I would definitely ban the game at home and have a good talk to my boys about it. They may feel left out, which is unfortunate. However, I hope they can find other things to share with their friends. In the past, they have felt left out as I have never bought them a toy gun or sword. They have played with them at their cousins and I am not going to lecture other parents. Most boys play with toy guns and don't grow up to be criminals, however, maybe I am wrong, but I will err on the side of caution.

Screen time is one hour at our home, which includes any type, such as TV or games. The computer is in our living room where we can see whether what they watch is suitable.

Good luck, I know how they can put pressure on parents!

[ToadMum]

I many be shot down in flames for doing so but my 12 year old does play COD and has done for a while. I have to say I am no fan and DS knows that - I relented on my ban as ds was playing at his friend's house and I began to feel he was being excluded - ds has never been the most sociable child.
The thing that made me relent was chatting with my partners' brother who is an educational pychologist and his teen age son also plays and he felt that DS would be OK so long as sensible boundaries are in place.

Having played some of the games DS is now less interested in them and prefers Fifa and minecraft and remains pretty level headed and spends less time on the PS4 than he used to so perhaps they have lost their attraction now. We don't have any screens in bedrooms - always where I can see what is going on .

DS1 is now 17. He has been playing Call of Duty for about as long as he has been playing Minecraft, since about year 9. My point being, he plays computer games; building strange Lego-like worlds, doing pretend nasty things with pretend weapons, depending on what he decides to be distracted by at the time. Neither seems particularly to drive him to violence. (On the whole, the only time that such things interfere with real life is when he decides to get apparently inextricably involved in a group call playing League of Legends - his latest aid to procrastination - just as I finally get round to getting dinner on the table).

[DC17C]

[quote/]

DS1 is now 17. He has been playing Call of Duty for about as long as he has been playing Minecraft, since about year 9. My point being, he plays computer games; building strange Lego-like worlds, doing pretend nasty things with pretend weapons, depending on what he decides to be distracted by at the time. Neither seems particularly to drive him to violence. (On the whole, the only time that such things interfere with real life is when he decides to get apparently inextricably involved in a group call playing League of Legends - his latest aid to procrastination - just as I finally get round to getting dinner on the table).[/quote]

Yes I would say the biggest problem is these games which seem to involve roaming around an open world so you can get sucked in for a ridiculous amount of time and if you leave then you are letting "your friends" down if you are in a team etc so the call for dinner must be really annoying but ds knows the real world always takes priority and giving him a bit of notice always helps.

[copella]

I am not in the business of shooting anyone down, especially given the context of this post.

I also don't believe playing it will make my children into violent thugs. However I am more concerned about how the games normalise violence, swearing, and see women in such a negative light. It goes against everything in me to allow my children to watch these and not talk to them about this. Woman are portrayed in a truly horrible way and I don't want this to be seen as ok in the same way that I don't like the racist language in the rap songs they listen to. They are clear I don't like them and they don't play them in my presence. I can't stop them but they have an understanding that some things are not widely tolerated and it gets them to think.

[Yamin151]

Hmmm, some interesting points, and thank you. One of my boys very sensitive and moody, I worry terribly that these games will make that worse, but equally, his need for more control over his life is a real driver for him and can also really effect his mood. That's not to say control as in we never say no, but because he is a constant pusher of all boundaries there is a sense of my having to be overly controlling and I want to 'find the yes' where I can.
So what to do?
I looked up and found some games that fell as a 13 rating from parents (common sense media is great) and luckily we found dh had one from years back when he played games. We have allowed the boys this. I still hate the tension it promotes, but we also have an 'hour on hour off' policy, which is working for us at the weekends. So, if you spend an hour (max) on the computer, you have to then spend an hour off it. This has worked well with them usually electing to go outside and kick a ball or go on then tampoline or do lego or read, rather than just hanging around waiting for when I say yes to more screen time. In amongst this we also do trips out, and resume the hour on hour off when at home again. I can recommend this. I am hoping, with no evidence, but I am hoping, that them neve having more than an hour at a time minimises the level of immersion they can reach, and maximises their time in the real world doing more positive stuff. It's also always played in the midst of kitchen.
I will not entertain the idea of agreeing to grand theft auto or any of those type.
The other thing is I wonder, to mosse myself feel better, if these games do have a role to play, to a degree and carefully picked, in giving them the 'chasing Tigers' tension that boys need? This may be a load of baloney of course, but boys in particular do seem to need to feel that tension, which of course can also be recreated in the real world, so this does just form one way of having it.

[copella]

I think this is a really interesting debate Yasmin123. It would be interesting to know where people would draw the line. How soon after agreeing to COD do parents give in to the pressure for grand theft auto? I know parents who have been adamant they would not say yes to COD but once they have said yes have quickly given in to the others, because once you start saying yes to 15 plus 18 cert games then how can you differentiate? Interesting to hear what people think.

[Yamin151]

Yes, very interesting Copella, and. Wouldn't dream of judging either, I learnt that shortly after giving birth! Never judge until you've walked in someone else's shoes!