How many chances?

[Choccy74]

There's a boy in my DD's class (Y5) who is constantly disrupting the class and being nasty to other children, several times a day he has to 'move his name', in line with the school's sanctions policy. He's only been in my DD's class for about five months, after being moved from another Y5 class for bullying and physically fighting with one of the girls, and from what I've heard, he's previously been excluded by another local school.

Myself and some of the other parents have chatted about this and we just cannot understand why he's allowed to remain at the school. The sanctions policy says that "the head and governors reserve the right to permanently exclude the child for persistent disruptive behaviour", and yet absolutely nothing seems to happen, we're not even aware if he's ever received a fixed term exclusion.

Does anyone know if there's anything that we can do about this situation? My DD has only had one incident with him a couple of months ago and that was dealt with, so I don't have a specific reason to contact the head about him, it's just daily reports from my DD and other children of his awful behaviour; he's been described by my friend's DS and his two friends as "vile". The teachers are clearly aware of what goes on, and recently the TA was taking the class on her own for a couple of mornings and she'd flat out refused to have him in the class...there's something very wrong when a member of the teaching staff won't even have him in the room!

[asdguest]

I can well understand how really upsetting this is but, as the school are obviously aware of it and have the history and background of this child, I think you should try to hold back and let them deal with it.

[doodles]

Choccy, whilst I really do understand your concern about disruption in the class, I would be very careful about playground chatter and forming an opinion based on hearsay/what others think and not fact.

If you have concerns I would suggest that you make an appointment to see the head and voice your issues in that meeting, but I would also suggest that you don't tell anybody what you are doing or you will end up as the "voice of the group". This child will most definitely be on the school's radar and may have issues / home circumstances that you are unaware of and which the school are dealing with. The school will not be able to reveal details because of confidentiality but you will probably come away re-assured that the situation is being addressed.

[kenyancowgirl]

+1...and if you do go to see the head be very careful that you do not speak for other people - you will be surprised how few will back you up in real life!

Children feed off vibes - the child may well be "vile", but it could equally be that they are aware the staff are watching him and are therefore feeling enabled to report every thing he does in the negative (whereas for their friends, they would report everything in the positive)....perhaps you could encourgae your DD and her friends to try and befriend this child? Maybe social isolation at school replicates the awfulness of his home life (for example) and all he needs is friends to make him feel included?

It sounds like the school are watching the situation but it may be that he just needs people to try and support him.

[loobylou]

It's a horrible situation.
My ds had a very difficult child in his class throughout primary school. As parents we did get very fed up with it because it felt as though the school were trying to constantly bolster this child through positive reinforcement of any good behaviour rather than dealing with the bad behaviours well. As a parent governor I understood a little more about the situation and could empathise with their position.
But things escalated in year 6 and I really wished I'd gone in and made more of a fuss about how it was affecting my ds (who was seen as not being bothered by it at school as he held it all in and erupted when he got home).
I think if you're that worried about it I would go and talk to the school about your own child's concerns not involving anyone else.

[PettswoodFiona]

We moved DD from a school partly for this reason and after biting, hitting, kicking in shins, pulling hair, spitting etc from this boy she was very glad to go to an all girls’ school for years 3-6. In the end when one child’s human rights are put above and beyond the rest of the class however understanding you might be, however many play dates you might invite them to to see if you can foster a better relationship, support the school in a no junk food policy to improve behaviour, find that your child as the tolerant one is the one repeatedly put next to the one who is making your child cry and hurt and dislike school etc etc at some point you may be forgiven for putting your child first and walking away.

I appreciate some people may stick it out or think walking away is not the acceptable thing but despite many many efforts over the course of two terms (as it was for us) seeing your child bruised and hurt repeatedly is not something to tolerate either.

I hope you are able to get this resolved and don’t have to take such drastic action, but remember your DD is entitled not to be fearful at school.

[Choccy74]

Thank you for all of your responses, I think I'll try and have an 'off the record' chat with the head, just to make her aware of my concerns, without mentioning that I've spoken to other parents.

KCG - there isn't a snowball's chance in h**l that my DD would want to become friends with this boy, and nor would I want her to. I know about social isolation but this boy was welcomed into the class by the other children, even though they knew of his reputation in the previous class, and yet it appears that he's been horrible to pretty much all of them and has created this situation himself where no one really likes him; it's come to a point now where I have very little sympathy for any possible negative situation he may have at home (without knowing what it is, if indeed there is a 'situation'). I know that sounds harsh but as PettswoodFiona said, my DD is "entitled not to be fearful at school", and she and the other 28 pupils, should also be able to concentrate on their work without constant disruptions.

A the moment it feels like he's being given chance after chance, to the detriment of the rest of the class.

[kenyancowgirl]

He’s Y5....not having any sympathy for any potential issues at home does sound very harsh on a primary school child. Whilst I understand you have concerns for your child being able to concentrate, you did say there has only been one incident involving her and that was dealt with, so I am not sure where her “fear” has now come from?

All I am saying is be careful that what you have reported, which is, I’m afraid, just “hearsay” - even if it does come from your own child, you have not witnessed it personally - does not come across as fact if you go and see the head - because that would equally not be fair on the individual boy.

[Choccy74]

He’s Y5....not having any sympathy for any potential issues at home does sound very harsh on a primary school child. Whilst I understand you have concerns for your child being able to concentrate, you did say there has only been one incident involving her and that was dealt with, so I am not sure where her “fear” has now come from?

Her 'fear' has come from witnessing his nasty behaviour to her classmates, and having been the victim of it once before, she's worried that it may happen again.

I know I sound harsh, but ATEOTD he's not my priority, my daughter is, and I have no reason to feel any sympathy toward him. The school have a duty of care to the pupils while at school, when one of the pupils is having this effect on so many others, I believe that it needs to be dealt with, especially when an experienced TA is refusing to have him in the class.

Without being present in the classroom, of course I'm not going to witness anything personally, any more than all the other parents on this forum who have reported bullying etc...all any parent can do is go by is what their DC has told them.

[Moon unit]

How did the children find out the TA refused to have the child in her class?
Not very professional if she told the other children.