Screen time and obsessions!

[Proud_Dad]

PS She sees me on a my own phone a fair bit so well, I can talk can't I...

I've been thinking about that sort of thing today. I'm generally using mine for work (emails etc) when I'm on it, but I am guilty of checking facebook etc every now abd then too. I'm thinking we maybe should have a 'whole family' week off devices in the evenings where parents also 'switch off'. I will see if I can get my other half on board as it might help if she sees we don't have to be controlled by devices, maybe we could then renegotiate terms of use...

Does that include the telly?

What's the plan? Sit round the dining table having erudite conversation followed by a game of charades? Good luck with that!!

[Cup of tea]

PS She sees me on a my own phone a fair bit so well, I can talk can't I...

I've been thinking about that sort of thing today. I'm generally using mine for work (emails etc) when I'm on it, but I am guilty of checking facebook etc every now abd then too. I'm thinking we maybe should have a 'whole family' week off devices in the evenings where parents also 'switch off'. I will see if I can get my other half on board as it might help if she sees we don't have to be controlled by devices, maybe we could then renegotiate terms of use...

Does that include the telly?

What's the plan? Sit round the dining table having erudite conversation followed by a game of charades? Good luck with that!!

Agree with the comments above e.g. delete it completely, or at least check and monitor its use. Apparently I am the worst parent in the world and NO other parents take away phones/tablets etc at night (according to my daughter). I also get the question "when will you trust me?" The answer is: not until you can prove to me you can self regulate your usage.
Being practical, my two do have their phones most days and I have no problem with them communicating with their friends online. There have been serious incidents in my eldests year of - photos being shared, and worryingly references and threats of self harm and worse..... It is useful to have some handle on this and to be able to discuss openly with your kids.

There maybe are dc's who are able to self regulate (although I am sure these are rare) and some who are not interested in social media at all. However for the majority, unfortunately they are obsessed with their own and their peers "snap score" their IG feed and post notifications!!! Also interesting to see photos on IG of their school (in lessons) every day. Obviously teacher not aware

Good luck...I often feel like a prison warden not a parent, but I grit my teeth and take the abuse that goes with it.

[loobylou]

I definitely think you did the right thing. A week or two off (or more) and maybe it can be renegotiated.

I have a 12 year old and a 11 year old and the 11 year old got a phone for his birthday recently - we have written rules about usage and when they can/can't access their phones (or tablets) and also where they can/can't. It includes things like the fact that they can text when they want to, they can Whats App family members (most of our family is overseas so it's a fabulous way for them to stay in touch), they cannot access the internet upstairs, they have to ask before playing a game, they cannot upload/download anything without permission etc....

The 12 year old has instagram and finds it tedious. She usually goes the entire weekend without touching a screen. The 11 year old would like to live with his screen in front of his face permanently.

We have explained to them that when they are adults they will not live by our rules but by their own. We say to them that our job in their teens is to get them to that point where they make sensible choices for themselves and so we will gradually relax the rules as we see that they are making wise choices and we will re-instigate more stringent rules if they mess up. They don't always like it but I think they get the rationale behind it - or at least they argue about it less than they used to

[silverysea]

It's very very addictive isn't it? I'm doing this, now, on my iPad. Though I don't find it that engrossing, looking at pictures of cats on Facebook.

This screen time has supplanted every other leisure activity even TV for my girls. It's so isolating too.

I don't envy them at all having to tear themselves away and never achieving anything unless it's forced on them by school or parents. The default position is inert, staring at a device. No hobbies, crafts, interests that they do themselves rather than watch others do on YouTube. No conversation, they don't respond when spoken to - it's very frustrating.

[um]

We are really the first generation of parents to have to deal with this

For my mum, the worst it got was my sister's fleeting obsession with her tamagotchi

And it really is unchartered territory. I have very independent-minded, stubborn teenagers (wonder where they got that from ) and simply banning everything is not going to work.

I am reading this with interest...I don't have all the answers but I have had conversations with parents of younger children who are convinced that their child will never have a smartphone or laptop or access facebook, snapchat or anything else....ever
Well, when your child is 6 foot tall with a moustache, exactly how do you plan on enforcing that? When we turn off the internet my dc simply (sorry about this ) hack into another local connection, which isn't ideal. My older boys also have jobs and pay for their own phones.
I think once children are over about 14, your relationship as a parent has to change and evolve and is not the same any more as when they were eight and you had much more 'power' over them.
That said, a few weeks before ds1's GCSEs, I did take his PC to a friend's house, with the backing of a super teacher at his school. It worked to ensure that he got to sleep on time and a bit of revision was done.

[DC17C]

We are really the first generation of parents to have to deal with this

For my mum, the worst it got was my sister's fleeting obsession with her tamagotchi

And it really is unchartered territory. I have very independent-minded, stubborn teenagers (wonder where they got that from ) and simply banning everything is not going to work.

I am reading this with interest...I don't have all the answers but I have had conversations with parents of younger children who are convinced that their child will never have a smartphone or laptop or access facebook, snapchat or anything else....ever
Well, when your child is 6 foot tall with a moustache, exactly how do you plan on enforcing that? When we turn off the internet my dc simply (sorry about this ) hack into another local connection, which isn't ideal. My older boys also have jobs and pay for their own phones.
I think once children are over about 14, your relationship as a parent has to change and evolve and is not the same any more as when they were eight and you had much more 'power' over them.
That said, a few weeks before ds1's GCSEs, I did take his PC to a friend's house, with the backing of a super teacher at his school. It worked to ensure that he got to sleep on time and a bit of revision was done.

well put ...Um .....my dd has handed me her ipad before now and asked me to look after it for her as she is aware that she needs to work and is getting distracted.

[Daogroupie]

Gosh, how old is she? Oh for the day when I will have dds who are that mature, if that day ever comes!

It is all so wearying, the constant daily battle.

I feel that my parents got off lightly with not having to cope with this.

Those who come late to it like my dds seems to make it all the more intense, rather like me and my siblings around a TV as we did not grow up with one.

Cold turkey will be the only answer around exam time because there will be no self-regulating. DG

[DC17C]

Gosh, how old is she? Oh for the day when I will have dds who are that mature, if that day ever comes!

It is all so wearying, the constant daily battle.

I feel that my parents got off lightly with not having to cope with this.

Those who come late to it like my dds seems to make it all the more intense, rather like me and my siblings around a TV as we did not grow up with one.

Cold turkey will be the only answer around exam time because there will be no self-regulating. DG

She is 14 and it is quite extraordinary as she was very hard work when younger but I did a lot of work with her to understand her emotions when she was younger as she used to be phobic about noise- alarms, school bells, toilet flushes etc and a lot of her misbehaviour was driven by anxiety and a dislike of change. I was horribly aware of my own anxiety issues and somehow have ended up with a very mature 14 year old who works for herself and not for me. I do feel very blessed ....mind you if there is one thing I have learned about parenting is to expect the unexpected..