Girls, boys and harassment at school

[PurpleDuck]

I've come across an on-line article published by The Independent, suggesting that girls as young as 12 are at risk of s**ual harassment at school. Is this really as bad as the article suggests? It's seriously scary if it is...

http://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/styl ... cid=TSHDHP" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[RedVelvet]

Another way of putting this. Boys as young as 12 are undertaking ******** harassment at schools.

We all need to talk to our sons and daughters about this. A brief view of articles surrounding the recent case at Stanford University reveals some truly shocking attitudes.

[kenyancowgirl]

...As the mother of 2 boys...and in the interest of equality, I have to say that girls are no picnic either!!!!!

I am staggered at how s**ually forward some of the social media messaging and outfits on display from young 12 and 13 year olds girls at social events are and, whilst they may not be acting upon it, the message some young girls put out there leaves a lot to be desired. I suspect that if their parents knew they would be horrified...!

Parents of BOTH genders need to put the message forward to be sensible and safe.

[JamesDean]

It can be boy on boy too. Have never come across girl on girl, but that doesn't mean it not happening ...

JD

[Amber]

...As the mother of 2 boys...and in the interest of equality, I have to say that girls are no picnic either!!!!!

I am staggered at how s**ually forward some of the social media messaging and outfits on display from young 12 and 13 year olds girls at social events are and, whilst they may not be acting upon it, the message some young girls put out there leaves a lot to be desired. I suspect that if their parents knew they would be horrified...!

Parents of BOTH genders need to put the message forward to be sensible and safe.

Absolutely, totally 100% agree here. My sons have received far more of what I would call s exual harassment than my daughter, from girls as young as 13. Very explicit messages, unwanted photos and some genuinely eye watering stuff have meant that on two occasions I have been asked by them (happily they are very open and have shown me entire message streams, with their own and the young ladies' contributions) to intervene. This has led on two occasions to me sending a message myself saying 'this is X's Mum, I have seen what you have sent and feel it is inappropriate. Please don't send any more'. Both of them found it genuinely intimidating and in one case there is still a problem. I am a bit fed up of people blaming boys all the time. I have only ever found the boys my daughter has been associated with (and she has always had lots of male friends) to be courteous, almost chivalrous to her, far more than when I was her age when I did have to deal with some fairly serious harassment several times - twice from teachers at my school. I am sure that girls can be and are being harassed, and of course this is awful, but I am almost at the point myself of writing a counter-story about predatory girls as I think boys suffer enough bad press without all this.

Just look at some of the profile pictures girls post on social media of themselves heavily made up and pouting provocatively into a selfie lens. To me they often all look the same - this kind of airbrushed, perfect look in which the girl could be anything between 12 and 25 - but is usually nearer 12 as by 25 most have grown out of it. If that is the open profile picture one dreads to think what the 'friends only' ones are like.

My father used to warn me about boys; I am afraid I am having to spend far more time warning my sons about girls.

[PurpleDuck]

Before I go any further - I did not mean to imply that it's the boys who are at fault and all girls are innocent; it was more or less a repeated wording of the opening paragraph of the article. I realise that girls can also behave in an intimidating and provocative manner.

My main reaction to the article was a genuine shock. So far it has not occurred to me that s**ual harassment among children could be an issue. We had conversations with our boys about their bodies being private and not letting anyone touch them inappropriately, but that was more of a warning against 'bad' adults rather than other children.

Perhaps I live in a bubble of some sort, but I have not heard of this sort of harassment (from boys to girls or girls to boys) in our primary and with DS1 in a boys' school now, the issue of inter-gender harassment does not exist. I am not aware of anything going on among the boys themselves, although, admittedly, it could be just blissful ignorance.

In a way, I'm pleased we don't have daughters - I imagine it may be hard for girls sometimes to decide what is appropriate and what is not when they are being bombarded from all directions with se*ualised images of young girls, in skimpy outfits and assuming provocative poses. I have never understood a need to take 'barely-dressed' selfies and post them on social media. Perhaps boys do similar things, too, but I don't recall seeing many such images on the cover pages of teen magazines.

We didn't seem to have these sort of problems (or at least on a noticeable scale) when I was at school and it is really sad that our children may be at risk of harassment from the opposite sex, whether they are girls or boys. I agree we need to keep reminding them how to be sensible and safe and about the need to respect others.

[JaneEyre]

In a way, I'm pleased we don't have daughters.

I have a daughter, a really sensible one who has always been far away from all this kind of nonsense…. and who has not been sexually abused ( she is now 24 but it is true that she has been in a GS for girls and we also have some religious values).

Actually, I feel I am blessed to have such a kind, good-hearted and hard-working daughter and find it so hard to bring up a boy, compared to what it has been with her ( ) (I am not at all talking about s.e.x.u.a.l harassment here, but rather good working habits and the promptness to help others at home… but one day I am sure, the penny will drop!)!
So do not worry, it is not soo 'dreadful' to have girls!

[Guest55]

It's worse at single gender schools .... from my experience, when boys and girls learn together they develop 'healthy' friendships with the opposite gender.

[Tinkers]

I've been following let clothes be clothes and let toys be toys for some time and one of things that strikes me is the huge emphasis that a girl's role in life is to look pretty. It's starts pretty much when they are born. Stilettos for babies anyone? Yes they do exist. eta if you didn't believe me http://www.heelarious.com/baby-high-heels/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Then there's the very short shorts. The fact that a 'girls' tee shirt will be considerably smaller than a 'boys' tee shirt even thought they claim to be for the same age. Then there's the slogans, which quite frankly at times are appalling.

This is before we even start looking how the media portrays girls and women.

When that is what girls and boys are exposed to from an early age, why are we surprised when some girls dress provocatively and act accordingly, and some boys behave in the way they do towards girls (regardless of how they are dressed).

Thankfully, most of the DCs I see (both genders) have more respect for themselves and others.

Eta just looked at my Twitter feed and this fine example came up.
https://mobile.twitter.com/ccolorizer/s ... 5752861697" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[PurpleDuck]

So do not worry, it is not soo 'dreadful' to have girls!

I hope you didn't take my comment as a suggestion that it is impossible for girls to be sensible, JaneEyre, far from it! All the girls I know are lovely and very sensible, just like your daughter. I was just referring to all the pressures coming from the social media that girls are exposed to and that some young girls may find difficult to deal with.

I never thought having a girl would be something 'dreadful', in fact I was hoping to have at least one myself, but ended up with just boys instead.

It's worse at single gender schools .... from my experience, when boys and girls learn together they develop 'healthy' friendships with the opposite gender.

I'd like to think the same, but the article I read was about harassment taking place at schools, so presumably they must have been referring to mixed schools.

Tinkers - you are absolutely right, I couldn't agree more.

I'm wondering now whether the problem is as big as The Independent suggests or is the article an exaggeration...