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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:22 am 
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Yestereday my DD came home and told me one of the other girls had pulled her hair - nothing too drastic in that, but when I questioned her further it turns out the child in question had tried to verbally bully my daughter into something, when my daughter wouldn't let her, the other child pulled her hair to the extent her head was tipped over on one side and pulled towards the floor.

The teacher in charge wasn't around at the time (it was during pe and teacher was on the other side of the playground). DD wasn't too fazed by it and thought very little of it.

I myself would ordinarily brush something like this off, putting it down to kids being kids. Except for the fact that last term there was some very nasty verbal bullying going on. In light of that I 'phoned the headmaster with the intention of just letting him know what had happened, not wanting any action to be taken - but to be aware, in case something like this happened again. He was, in fact, very put out with the offending behaviour and is looking at the CCTV to see exactly what went on so he can nip it in the bud. I have told him if he thinks, after viewing the CCTV, it warrants action, then by all means take it.

Now my dilemma is: how far is too far with physical and verbal bullying? I do think as far as possible we should allow the kids just to get on with it, but there comes a time when you have to draw the line - just where is that line?

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:32 am 
Hi Snowdrops,

Sorry to hear about this. I think its so difficult but maybe taking your childs lead is the best way. She shouldn't be a walkover and take this as it could keep happening, but if name calling doesn't bother her then maybe you could let her deal with it on her own. I just find this all so hard because when any injustice is done to my sons I have such rage :oops: (I don't act on it) but as a child if my mother had acted on 90% of what went on I would have been mortified. Hopefully by talking to the head you've gained an understanding into what he thinks is unacceptable, so if it happens again I would report it because the head does not want this happening at his school. Sorry for not offering much advice! I hope it all settles down.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:49 am 
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Location: Buckinghamshire
Hi Snowdrops

I agree 100% with the Head's attitude on this.

I was initially unaware of this, but my son was being verbally bullied in the early part of last year. As I didn't report it, my son didn't report it and the teachers were unaware of it, nothing was done. So the kids assumed that they had a licence to carry on, and by mid-year it had escalated into physical bullying.

Once I became aware that there were problems, and he was becoming very unhappy, I decided to raise the matter. I was a little reluctant, like you, and the teachers initially also took the attitude that it was just "kids being kids". They did begin to act after 2 or 3 incidents, but it wasn't 100% effective.

However, after yet more incidents, starting with something fairly minor and ending up with a fairly serious problem, I made it clear to the school that there was a definite pattern of sustained bullying, the Head swung into action and the problem was resolved.

You need action now, not after the 2nd, 3rd or 4th incident, because believe me, they will come unless it is sorted out now.

Best wishes
Sally-Anne


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:58 am 
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Thanks for the responses so far, and yes, I agree something needs to be done (even if one feels a little silly for putting your hand up and saying 'Please Miss, she pulled my hair!!').

What I'm trying to get out of you lot is, how far is too far? How much should we allow to slip by us before we say ENOUGH!!!.

Pulling hair is trivial, but compounded by the verbal bullying of last year, I just couldn't risk not mentioning it.

If it was the hair incident on its own, I probably wouldn't mention it.

A straight forward thump and I would come down like a ton of bricks.

Should we go running everytime something happens, or should we let things slide until we feel uncomfortable (by which time it could already have gone too far)?

Come on girls and boys, lets get a good discussion going here - it could take our minds off 'other' things :)

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:35 pm 
Ok, I think if this is a new child bullying her and its only happened once then I would just encourage my kid to stick up for himself and give this other girl one more chance. If the child who pulled the hair was the one verbally bullying her last year then clearly she has taken it a step further and should be reported.

On the other hand. no one should invade anyones personal space and pulling hair can be more intimidating than a thump as how silly does a child feel reporting their hair getting pulled, so it happens again and again.

Now I'm confused! :?


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 Post subject: Mel x
PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:06 pm 
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Call me nieve but any child at secondary school who hits, pulls another hair or displays any type of physical agression is a BULLY and needs to be dealt with. At this age they do know better no excuses full stop!

How dare this girl think she can pull your dd's hair, you done the right thing and I'm glad to hear the head is taking it serious.

Sorry but this type of thing really gets me

Mel
:evil:


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:18 pm 
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Location: Wirral
I agree. The only thing you can be sure of is that if you take no action this kind of behaviour will continue. It is difficult for children to deal with the situation themselves and is the responsibility of the school anyway.

Also, the child runs the risk of getting into trouble for retaliation if she makes much of an attempt to fight back, even verbally. And to have to spend her time avoiding the bully is unacceptable.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:42 pm 
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I agree with your points, Wa11esey, and good points from the other posters too.

Even a sma11 action, like a warning or a word in the ear from the person in charge (teacher, head, playground supervisor), would send a clear signal what behaviour is acceptable or unacceptable in school.

Mi55 Snowdrops has just turned 11 and is sti11 in Juniors.
She might be a child who shrugs things off or a sensitive shy one..but having your hair pu11ed nearly to the ground whether in Juniors or secondary is absolutely not an enjoyable thing to endure.

That is not how a person should behave if things do not go their way i e tantrums, rudene55,physical attacks.

Snowdrops,

I think the Head is rightly appa11ed that that went on.
As for when is the right time to step in...

I suppose the punishment should fit the crime.

if it's a sma11 incident, a word of warning to chastise the behaviour.
if a persistent offender, bring out the stocks!!... or whatever schools sanctions are these days. :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 2:51 pm 
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Wallasey wrote:

Quote:
Also, the child runs the risk of getting into trouble for retaliation if she makes much of an attempt to fight back, even verbally.


I agree with Wallasey on this, I've found that things have happened to my son and he's put up with it for so long, but then loudly retaliated so that the teacher has only heard his side and he's ended up the one in trouble.

It's best to mention incidents to the teacher straight away so that they know what's going on and can nip it in the bud.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 7:43 pm 
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Yes I would report any unwanted physical "violence" from other children, and any unwarranted verbal nastiness over and above the "norm" (quite where one draws the line on this I do not know - gut instinct I suppose).

I would not view reporting it as indicating that my child could not cope with it in their own way, more as doing the other child a favour as hopefully they will learn better manners if they are told by a trained teacher that this is not appropriate behaviour. Even a pre-school child would be told not to do it.

If any of my children were seen doing like this anywhere, I would rather they were reported and dealt with by a teacher, rather than learning they could get away with it from time to time.

Good luck with this. Hope it is dealt with well.


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