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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:11 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:35 pm
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Just wanted some advice as myDD has just been in tears (very tired) about name calling at school. Has just started yr 7 at girls school and has been doing well in class and consequently has been called 'geek', 'boffin' etc. I asked whether she was the only one getting high marks in the recent tests and she said that she wasn't getting the highest marks in all subjects but was getting 'top' marks in a few of them.

She is very unhappy about the name calling because it is a couple of girls targeting her and not the other girls who are also getting good marks. She has come from a very small school and although several of her good friends moved on with her, they were all separated out into the various classes and she was unlucky enough to have the child from her old school who tended to pick on children, be the one who was put into the class with my daughter. I thought that as she knew what this child could be like, it wouldn't be a problem. This child is involved in the name calling.

I have told my DD that I am very proud of her achievements and she should not try to 'do badly' to avoid name calling but she shouldn't boast or tell others her marks (not that she does).

One of the children doing the name calling has systematically made sarcastic remarks since she started and even hid her pens during a lesson so she had to borrow from another child, then returned them at the end of the lesson with a laugh.

I do not want to approach the school as I feel she has to learn to 'stand up for herself' but wanted some advice on any coping strategies anyone has for her to manage this. She is not a confident child but has always got along without any trouble in the past and I don't like to see her so upset although I do know that at the end of the week she is more tired and emotional.

Thanks for help


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:29 pm 
I know as an adult it is very easy for me to say this but these girls will only continue if they know it is bothering your dd. When my kids are having problems I encourage them to act as if they are not bothered. My eldest now says to a particular boy "Is that the only phrase you can say - you bore me!"- the boy was shocked and hasn't said anything since. Its not nice but if she can have the confidence to pluck up appropriate prepared responses then she may feel more in control of the situation.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:43 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
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Sorry this is bullying and I think you do need to have a word with the tutor -


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:46 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 5:20 pm
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Location: On another planet called Gloucester!
Hi ergo, so sorry to hear about your DD's experiences at her new school. I think I agree with Guest55 and perhaps a quiet word with the tutor may help so that maybe he/she could at least give a "global" warning to the whole class regarding cruel name callin and that it will not be tolerated. That might be all that is needed.

It is awful and I have to admit my DS is getting more and more tired as the term goes on and so they just don't have the strength to handle it emotionally.

Sadly he has been called "nerd" and "boffin" by some of his old primary school friends whilst out playing..I have told him to let it bounce off, or say "so what if I am" to them...I also told him to look up boffin in the dictionary and he was pleased with the definition! I am sure, however, that I would bring it to the attention of his tutor if it was happening in his school.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

B
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PS I am Burneth and I am a lady....!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:17 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 1:29 pm
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Location: Berkshire
I would agree with the others and advise you approach her tutor and nip this in the bud. As it's only the start of the school term, if these girls feel they have gotten away with such they will proceed to feel safe in continuing with this nastiness.

Bullying can be prevented if it is quickly stamped out at the start. I know of many incidents where children have tolerated these sort of barbs and slowly become disaffected with school and their education.

Good luck

BW


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:35 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2006 1:29 pm
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Location: Berkshire
Burneth wrote:
Hi ergo, so sorry to hear about your DD's experiences at her new school. I think I agree with Guest55 and perhaps a quiet word with the tutor may help so that maybe he/she could at least give a "global" warning to the whole class regarding cruel name callin and that it will not be tolerated. That might be all that is needed.

It is awful and I have to admit my DS is getting more and more tired as the term goes on and so they just don't have the strength to handle it emotionally.

Sadly he has been called "nerd" and "boffin" by some of his old primary school friends whilst out playing..I have told him to let it bounce off, or say "so what if I am" to them...I also told him to look up boffin in the dictionary and he was pleased with the definition! I am sure, however, that I would bring it to the attention of his tutor if it was happening in his school.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

B
x


Burneth, I admitted to liking maths to a yr9 class today. One smart mouthed boy called me a boffin. I smiled and said sweetly 'that's Ancient boffin, to you'. Class just laughed and got on with their work.
I like your answer ... "so what if I am". The one I tell my boys to use if ever in such a circumstance is ...'And???' or 'So????' which also succeeds in shutting them up :) :wink:


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:41 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 3:35 pm
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Thanks for replies, good advice. We have a tutor evening coming up, so I will mention it then unless it escalates in the meantime. I have told her to 'ignore' it and that maybe they are just jealous of you and would like to be like you, but it is sometimes easier said than done to ignore these things. I just didn't want to over react but thanks for making me feel my gut instinct, that this was a form of bullying, was right.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:21 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:10 am
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Hello,
Feel very sorry for you and your daughter.My own daughter suffered similar problems.I tried the let it ride/ignore them/there just envious etc route.However it did get worse,nastier and more frequent.By the Fri of half term she was in pieces.(tired too) I feel I should have gone in before.It is bulling and it makes them dread going to school.I wrote a letter initially outlining calmly and in detail(without names) the behaviour and the effect it was having. They asked me to come in.I stressed that I didn't want to make the situation worse and they listened.They put in place a seating plan for the class which put her with safe people and they indirectly tackled the issues in PHSE.Nobody was punished ,which was how I wanted it to be. The school kept in touch with me to see if things were improving.Just having her sit near the safe people helped loads.I also did the sleepover/tea thing with the potential friends.So in the end she grew in confidence and the spiteful kids got bored.She is a happy girl now. Hope this helps. Good luck.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:23 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:57 pm
Posts: 62
Ergo,
You obviously know how able your daughter is to cope with this sort of thing, however you really don't want it to either esculate or spread so others join in. Another scenario is that your daughter is forced to react and then gets into trouble for that reaction (hitting out / shouting / ??).
I do feel it is better to get in touch with the tutor sooner rather than waiting for the tutor evening.
Very best of luck to you both,
Cam


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:03 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:42 pm
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Location: Chelmsford and pleased
My daughter chose a different tactic, she wrote everything down in a little book. This had two effects: she felt better because she was writing it down and we were talking about it; and
when the child saw her and asked what she was doing she was able to say that she wrote down everything he said and did. This was enough to stop him and he never bothered her again. Sadly it didn't stop him from turning on another child.


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