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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:00 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:42 pm
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I am now at a certain point in my life that I was least looking forward to. We live in West Kent and my 14yr old daughter would like to a club called "Liquid" which is in Maidstone at least 30min drive from where we live.

My first response has been No No No because I feel she is too young. She then later explains to me that what she would like to attend is one of a couple of sessions specially put on during the Easter Break for children between the ages of 13-16yrs. She showed me the web site and the information to parents was just as one would expect to read. It says and makes all the right noises. So in my opinion it tells me nothing.

What I would like to know about is what they do not write about and this sort of information I can only get from people who have had previous experience from their children who have/n't gone to this particular club or any of a similar nature.

I am extremely conservative and very far from being a liberal but I realize that this is an issue I would have to face at some time. I cannot keep her wrapped in cotton wool and I feel that her having some experience of the real world and mixing with more people who would this time be slightly out of her usual well controlled comfort zones can only serve to reinforce the values of self disipline, self respect we have tried to inculcate in her for the past 14yrs.


I am struggling here so I need help. Please?????????????????


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:56 am 
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Hi , I can't advise on the club itself but I do have a 14 year old. We're in London so the options are many and varied - and she is yet going to clubs in any real sense. HOwever she has been to a number of UnderAge gigs and the summer festival they held at London Fields last august. Under Age has a website and my dd did show it to me -they also said all the right things - but in fairness carried them out. There were plenty of police outside the Fields, there were huge numbers of teenagers, they seemed to have a good time but it was fairly tame in truth - and far better regulated than the ad hoc gatherings in the park after school, where kids from all over North London congregate with no supervision. Not to mention parties!
I think these regulate and specifically teenage events tend (though I can't vouch for Maidstone) to be a very safe way of putting a toe in the water - as you say they can't be wrapped in cotton wool. And the fact they are fairly organised means they are less likely to attract the really wild guys.
My rule is always that she goes with at least two friends and takes her mobile. And I am still on hand in case of emergency! 30 mins is relatively good in London!!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:18 am 
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Not any experience of your local club but our local one in same group has very tight security for under age nights as they are scared of loosing their licence, apart from anything else!
Do bear in mind though that there will be children maybe two years older than yours at these events, who may be rather more 'developed'.
My personal feeling is that they are too young at this age but we are a conservative family & none of the children requested any kind of activity of that kind until they were at least 16.
I would agree that they need to go with a group of reliable friends & know that if there is a problem to tell one of the 'bouncers'.
I would also advise collecting them from the venue at a pre arranged time as they are probably more vulnerable after the event than during it!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:23 am 
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Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 8:03 pm
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Location: Gloucestershire
A nightclub in our town holds similar events.

We've driven past the venue a couple of times when people are queueing to go in. There's normally a few drunk children in the queue holding their bottles of 'lemonade' brought from home. There's also a handful of police, looking very, very stressed, trying to stop the children running into the road ('cause they're so excited they forget that it's not a pavement).

It looks awful to me, but then I never was into nightclubs.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:00 pm
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Location: Wales
My daughter went to similar nights at a local club when she was 15. They had a soft drinks bar, karaoke, disco etc and it was well supervised. There were children there who had been drinking before they arrived though. I would second the advice about going with a group and would say, make it more than just one or two friends. I would also arrange to pick up 15-30 mins before the end.

I wouldn't worry about 16 year olds as the 'worst' girls of this age are busy trying to get into 18+ clubs. 16 year old boys are stuck because they generally can't get into the 18+ clubs and don't want to be seen at a 'kids' venue.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:38 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:42 pm
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Thank you all for the responses. If I do permit her to go she would be going with a couple of friends from school. One tip I certainly like is picking her up 15min before the event actually closes.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 12:43 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2008 1:46 pm
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My typing is terrible - meant to say mine was NOT yet going to clubs..
but also to second the picking up slightly earlier and the fact that most of the difficulties are outside the venues.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:33 pm
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Why encourage or in any way sanction your DD's participation in such "chav" culture?
It is a fairly slippery slope beginning with this particular nightclub which she will in all probability find quite boring. She will then want to go to events aimed at older teenagers and if you are finding it difficult to say "no" now it will only get worse, especially when she can say that she behaved at the last club so what is your problem.
Soon after that she will decide that her natural coloured hair and fashionable but non-tarty clothes do not cut the mustard and end up going out for the evening dressed up like a Bangkok lady-boy.
Lemonade and cola will quickly be relegated to the past and you will become familiar with the unpleasant task of clearing up after your DD'snight out!
Do not even get me on to the sight described by my DD as "chav lurve" as your DD plays out some downmarket version of Romeo and Juliet with some loathsome be-earringed creature from the local sink school.
I suppose the word I would be using to your DD is "no" or as my father used to put it "When you are living in your own house and paying your own bills you can do whatever you want but not under my roof!!"


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:29 pm 
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Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:12 am
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Location: Berkshire
I disagree entirely.
I have a 17 year old daughter who used to go to Liquid when she was around 14 or 15 - now she is far too old to go. :lol:
I was not happy at first, but because all her friends were going, it seemed that I was being harsh so allowed her.
She had a great time, the environment is safe once they're in, as has been reported above there are some drunk children there but they've had to get this before they come in.
They are searched on entry to make sure there's nothing dodgy in their handbags etc.
She has visited several times without incident - and now her younger sister will go every now and then in the school holidays, althought at 15 and a half she is probably growing too old.
You see the problem is in order to behave properly when they go out as young adults they have to understand how the process works - it's like expecting a 6 year old to behave in a restaurant when he has never ever been taken to one.
I agree that as teenagers they need rules, but they need rules that are realistic and not too harsh so they can't enjoy themselves with their friends every once in a while.
And hopefully once they're off to university they won't immediately run to the nearest club every single night of the week, but know that its a good idea every now and then.

LFH


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:40 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:00 pm
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Location: Wales
Well my daughter did start going to such things at age 15 and she is now 17.5. I'm glad that we allowed her to do this for a number of reasons:

- yes, she spent a year or so 'experimenting' with some awful clothing but now is able to spot cheap chavy / tarty a mile off and has now developed a very tasteful style which suits her age / personality.

- yes, she coloured her hair a fair few times and yes and it looked awful but now she has her natural colour back and has learned that natural suits her pretty face much better and that colouring your hair is a major hassle and roots growing through are the worst sight.

- yes she was exposed to under age drinking but since we introduced her to responsible drinking at family meal times she wasn't that bothered about 'trying it out' in secret

- chav lurve? - actually having witnessed close up the behaviour and attitudes of the types you describe, DD very quickly realised that she would rather spend her time elsewhere. At age 17 she started going out with the head boy of her school and they go for meals out, sometimes with other couples / friends, cinema, gigs, festivals, rugby club.

The boyfriend is now at university in London and DD has been to visit him. She was shocked at the behaviour, the slutty clothing, the OTT drinking of some of the girls at his university. She felt as if she were the more grown up and they were totally 'off the rails'. Talking to these girls she realised that they had never done this kind of thing at home and so had never got it out of their system and emerged the other side ready to take a mature approach to life.


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