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 Post subject: Freedom
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:30 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:20 pm
Posts: 60
Hi my ds is year 6 and alot of his friendshave been getting a fair amount of freedom for a while such as going to the park, going to the cinema and out on their bikes ect, my ds is a sensible but it is still a worry wondered what other parents views on this :)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:51 pm 
I think (although OH, who mollycoddles, disagrees) that kids should walk/get to senior school on their own or with friends dependent on distance, should they choose. If they can do this then they should be able to go out on their bikes and go to the cinema with friends. It would be better for this to start before secondary school so they are used to dealing with situations away from their parents rather than appearing to be gullible and vulnerable amongst their peers.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:20 pm
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Thanks Tipsy I Know that is the right thing and iam going to let my Ds have a certain amount of independnce as i know this will benefit him in starting secondary school but it seems that since he has turned eleven he has started to grow up so quickly. Also a friend of mine told me of a boy that she knew was not allowed to do anything and when he started secondary school absolutely went to pieces and couldnt cope so as hard as it is to let go it is the right thing :)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:40 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:20 pm
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We've been allowing our dd (11 September just gone) to go into town independently, on the bus with friends to the cinema, shopping etc and her maturity has come along in leaps and bounds.

I have no worries for her coping once she goes to secondary school and having to get herself there.

One of DD's friends is not allowed to be independent (down to her not even being allowed in someone else's care, even if the parents know who they are - very paranoid!!) she is missing out on all the school trips as well as learning to be independent.

How is that going to affect her once she moves goodness only knows - I feel really sorry for the young lady in question.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:47 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:16 pm
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It is a strange fact that what children are allowed to do really varies from place to place
.We moved from Surrey 2 years ago to Essex.In Surrey, at least the part we were in, children did not "play out".They did not go to the park independently until secondary school age +.Where we live now, many children "play out" and go straight from school on their bikes to the park, without involving parents.
I have all girls, so perhaps am more protective.My yr 6, now the early eves are lighter, comes home from school alone.(A 20 min journey)However we went and practised the route by passing alleyways and secluded spots.She now has a cheap mobile so that when she walks to her Mon youth group at Church, she can text me to say she is there.
I probably would let her now go to the cinema, as long as she texted me and I knew she was coming out when it was light.She hasn't asked yet though so I wont suggest it!
Older daughter, year 8 does go out ice skating, cinema etc and again I ask her to text on arrival and when she is setting off for home.
I suspect I am a tad on the protective side.However you can always relax as you go along , it is harder to go the other way!
I am not sure still about the general vague "going out with my friends" thing that some teenagers do.I feel a trip should have a specific purpose otherwise they do gravitate to hanging around in groups in town.I am not comfortable with that as it doesn't seem to produce the best behaviour.
Anyway that's just me and i have girls so maybe that's different. :P


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:55 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:00 pm
Posts: 558
Location: Wales
Does anyone else live in the countryside where there are other concerns about freedom?

I have no worries about my yr 6 DS (Nov birthday) going into town with his friends. The town is small and everyone knows each other anyway. Although it is a tourist spot in season, local people tend to look out for the kids so my worries are not about trips to town or local playgrounds.

My worries are that we live halfway up a mountain and DS has no regard for his personal safety (which is probably a reason why he is so good at rugby :shock: ). He wants to ride his bike as fast as possible through winding, narrow lanes, climb trees, scramble around waterfalls and the other day he came in soaking wet after playing on a rope swing that landed him in a freezing river. :shock: He came in laughing once saying what great fun it was to have been electrocuted by a sheep fence!!

I do remember being exactly the same myself at his age and it's great that, living where we do, he can have this active country life but as a grown up I've become so paranoid about all the dangers and I worry endlessly when he is out!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:25 pm
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We live in a village, Freya. My eldest two Y5 &y6 have been allowed out to play on our lane and in the woods and fields surrounding us for the last two years. There is a busy main road splitting the village and that is their boundry. I love the fact that last sumer rain or no I hardly saw them they were out making camps etc with the only rule being they had to be in a group and only got one change of clothes per day.

They have walked to school since we moved here as it is on the same lane and this year no 3 is a year 1 and they walk him to and from school.

They are allowed past that boundry only to go to the shop for me or attend youthclub or arrranged visits to friends who live over the other side.

The eldest also goes to the chip shop sometimes for me. He will be allowed his first cinema trip which will mean buses before he starts secondary in September as from then on he will have to catch a bus at the end of the lane to take him the 18 miles to secondary school.

I agree with Tipsy we must put aside our own fears (lacks parent here so don't have many and no mobile phones either) and encourage independence.

I know children who have limited their lives hugely, tied to apron string or rushing into relationships, due to fear of going it alone. Alternatively there are those who when finally given freedom go wild.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 6:09 pm
Posts: 379
Location: groombridge, e.sussex
I personally feel that in the country the kids have more freedom to be themselves; roaming about making camps with friends, using their imaginations (shock horror) and maybe even being a bit bored! It's not my childrens' fault they live away from their friends so I encourage them to have friends to our house regularly. My son aged 14 has cycled to friends within a 15 minute ride for a few years now. That mobile phone may cause arguments at times but proves invaluable at others if only for peace of mind.
If anybody's worried about kids going to town, we drove our son and his friend in, did our own thing within the centre for a couple of hours and met at an arranged point before coming home. It was actually my son complaining as we were a few minutes late!! After a few times doing this we were confident that kids were to trusted and now they go on their own.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:12 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:16 pm
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Tolstoy,
I really do think a lot depends on the area in which you live.The estate my children have to walk through to get to primary school has been the location for a serious stabbing and the worst kind of assault in the last 6 months.The stabbing happened in daylight.I want to encourage independence but have to weigh that against real risk not just hypothetical fears.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:12 pm 
I grew up on the edge of a small town so played in what felt like the countryside. I recoil in horror at how I got stuck in river quick sand, aged 7, and it took me an hour to get out. I was on my own too! :shock: In saying that I think kids in the countryside have a better childhood and if something were to happen to my kids because of what Freya described I would at least have some comfort in knowing they had a wonderful and free childhood.

Of course on the news today is the news about the vicious attack on these two boys. It is so hard. :?


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