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 Post subject: Friends in Year 8
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:01 pm
Posts: 47
My DS has just started in Year 8 and I am a little worried because he says he has sat on his own at lunch for the last two days. He doesn't seem too upset by it but is he just hiding how he is feeling?


It is his birthday next week and I said he could invite a few friends round but he only wants 2 that didn't go to primary school with him. I offered to have friends round in the holidays but he was happy just being home with me and his sister or reading the pile of books that he got out of the library. Amy I worrying unnecessarily or is he having trouble making friends?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:04 am 
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 2:09 pm
Posts: 875
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
Some children like to be surrounded by a large group of friends - some (more often boys from my experience) are happier with one or two, and are also quite happy with their own company. Often at this age birthday "parties" featuring one or two friends for bowling/ film/ pizza/ sleepover become quite a popular option anyway (and is certainly more peaceful than a disco for 80 in a village hall which MAY become popular by the time he's 16 - although probably only if he can get a girl to organise it...). His sister has probably had a mad social whirl for years (is she older or younger?) but many boys simply don't see the point of having a huge crowd of friends at this stage - unless they want enough for a football team of course! I would relax, and simply encourage any suitable joint homework projects or after school clubs that he's interested in.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:59 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
He sounds JUST like my son 2stressed! I too have been worrying about his lack of socialising this holiday. He did not meet one friend all holiday (9 weeks) and had no interest in doing so.

I hope that Solimum is correct in what she says as she has made ME feels tons better! (Thank you Solimum).

I can't suggest that you don't worry about him as I feel the same way that you do. My son seems happy just to have 2 close friends though, so I'll try to take my lead from him.

Take care.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:27 am
Posts: 2086
Location: Barnet, Herts
How different kids can be!
My DS has had 3 sleepovers at friend's houses, had 4 friends over for the day on seperate occasions, been bowling, to the cinema, on a tennis course and to Wembley to watch a footie match and still moaned that he hasn't seen his friends enough! :roll:
He even had a friend over yesterday even though they went back into Y8 today!!
We are actually worried that he is socialising too much and that it will affect his studies. Next week there is a girl's party from 8pm until 11pm on Sat and I am undecided as to whether he should go even though 'all my friends are going'!
So you can see that too much socialising is just as worrying as not enough!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:01 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 6:16 pm
Posts: 2113
Hi 2stressed,
I don't think it is a boy/girl thing but a personality thing.Mine are all very different in this way.
If it is some small crumb of comfort...my experience has been that kids are like the cabinet they reshuffle every now and then, especially at the beginning of a term.There is quite a few changes of social groups.
I wouldn't worry at this stage of the year.I know its hard and I worry about this kind of stuff too. :oops: Friends from outside school are great and perhaps he feels more secure with them because they are long standing and not in danger of the reshuffle thing.
Just keep an eye on it and encourage clubs at lunchtime and see how things are in a fortnight.
Best wishes


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:31 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
my boys are like yours, one of zorro's (y8) and one of 2stressed (y6). I think we project onto them, whether meaning to or not, what we think they should want based on how we are. So I "get" my y8 son, and am worried about my more isolated y6 one. But he is fine. It's just how he is. His time (your son) at school is not set yet. I was talking to a friend this morning whose daughter has moved from a smallish comp to a huge one for 6th form. HATING it. "But she's only been there 4 days," I said. It also reminded me of my move to a 6th form at a diff school and I was utterly miserable up until half term and then something happened (what? can't remember) and it took off and it was all but the best 2 years of my life.
It won't carry on forever how it is now. He is not an outsider with everyone else sorted, however that may seem. They all have their insecurities and different wants/needs, and these fluctuate.
I'm sure it will get better. And, at least, sitting on his own, he's in good company!
Here endeth today's lesson.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:27 am
Posts: 2086
Location: Barnet, Herts
And it means he will be more focussed on his work which can only be a good thing.I am in the unenviable position of having to tell my son to think more about his work and less about his social life.
Don't worry, I am sure once he has been back a while things will settle down.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 10:38 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:25 pm
Posts: 2556
zorro wrote:
And it means he will be more focussed on his work which can only be a good thing.I am in the unenviable position of having to tell my son to think more about his work and less about his social life.
.


YES YES YES!!
See, we ALL have something to stress about, whatever "type" they are!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 11:05 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:59 pm
Posts: 1268
I think this is a legacy of how hard all our DCs have to work these days as well.

DS is a very sociable boy (does after school sport most days, meets his friends every weekend in town and seems to go to parties every couple of weeks) and parents have been told that his year group ‘seems to be more into meeting girls than any we have had before’ :lol: :lol:

But he too was quite happy to have some down time over the holidays and there seemed to be very few get-togethers over the summer.

Now they’re back at school, it’s all kicked off again, of course :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:15 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:01 pm
Posts: 47
Thank you all for you reassuring words. He is absolutely fine and doesn't seem at all worried - I think I just like having something to worry about :)

My DD is so opposite (she is one year younger) and we have a constant stream of girls in the house and her main topic of conversation is who she sat with at lunch, break, bus etc. Having said that even in Reception school has always been a place to socialise for her and lessons are almost secondary.

I think maybe it is a boy/girl thing and an older/younger sibling thing too. Or personality, or ... or ... or ... - we could analyse for ever :lol: :lol:


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