11 Plus Exams Forum

Hi all, so after spending 2 very happy years at grammar school my Dd has just announced that now in year 9 she wants to quit her school and go the local comp just down the road. She has said she has had enough of the bitchyness, it's a all girls school, and pressure she is receiving from the teachers is just all too much, she has said they just expect too much.
I am of course really upset about all of this, and I have have asked her to give it till Xmas' which she is quite happy to do but has said there is no way of she is going back after Xmas, she has said she would like to move now before the Gcse options start.
So anyway I guess I'm just asking has anyone else ever been in this situation, and what did you do. I am waiting for the school to ring me back,as I rang them today.
My dd parting shot tonight was , do you want me to be happy!!! Which of course I do, oh and yes she has fallen out with two of her best friends!!!
Thanks for listening and I await your response

In haste as it is my bed time but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered...

Your last but one line is perhaps the most telling here- could this be the underlying problem? Friendship issues in girls are notorious and year 9 often the worst. It sounds like this has all got too much for your poor daughter. I wonder if this has come out of the blue or if she has been unhappy for a while? If the former, I would suspect a recent friendship issue is what has caused it; if the latter it may be more deep rooted.

I'm too tired to say much else except firstly, I think it is good that you are taking her seriously as so much hinges on school and friendship for this age. Secondly, depending on the relationship you have with her, I think you need to get to the bottom of this sudden decision and support her accordingly depending on whether you see it as a passing friendship issue which may resolve soon, or a deeper problem with pressure, the single gender environment etc. In which case maybe a move would be a good idea.

Good luck.

I agree with Amber. Hopefully may you find this sorts itself out as quickly as it arose. Also maybe you need to explore with her in an adult way if the comp will be any less demanding of her ( after all, why should it be) and why she feels it will be easier to make new friends there than at the grammar. Can she spend a day there? Or is it a no way answer from you? Has she ever requested a school move before? Mine have asked frequently and are only part way through primary!

Agree with all that's been said. We went through this BIG time two years ago and thankfully had a brilliant head of lower school who saw DD through it all. Girls can be so very mean to each other

The other thing to consider is there may not be any vacancies at the comp.

We went through something similar a few years ago. I would quietly investigate alternatives while trying to get to the bottom of the issue. It may be that a move is best, but it's not something to be rushed in to. After all, the other school will still be there at Easter. In our situation a move was the best thing, although if there are underlying issues I would urge you to sort them out rather than assume that a move will fix everything.

I think that to a certain extent, it's normal to feel a dip in enthusiasm about school in Y9. It could be that she just thinks the grass is greener, but the reality of the other school might not live up to her expectations either.

Thank you for your helpful replies. I'm really sorry I haven't replied earlier, as you can imagine it's been a stressful couple of weeks.

Well this whole leaving grammar school episode has been down to friendship issues.....teenage girls!!!!!

...after a few chats with form tutors and head of house and some lovely parents I am very happy to say that said DD will be staying, well at least till year 10, I'll cross that bridge when I get there

So anyway for now all his good

Good luck to all parents, no one ever tells you parenting was going to be this much fun!!!

Fantastic news, Bustwinks

Thank you, much relief is this house

You may well find that by year 10 she's having such a great time, and everyone's friends with everyone else, she may well wonder what all the fuss was about.

My dd was encouraged to stay 'just till the end of the year' and everything settled down wonderfully (as she was told it would). Teachers have seen it all before and know the patterns, luckily for us.

Well done for getting it sorted!