11 Plus Exams Forum

Dd1 did something silly and stupid in cahoots with a couple if friends, didn't foresee the risk and now has detention-I was phoned about it.

Have told DH so we can coordinate the response.

What do other parents do/react with this?

Roll eyes to the ceiling, say something like 'that was daft' and move on. Possibly expressing displeasure if it involves inconvenience for other family members in terms of transport.

Agree with Amber - don't come over all heavy about it. I'd probably give mine a hug (because he'd be upset) and when the dust has settled get him to think what he'd do better were he in the same silly situation with friends again. It's all part of the growing up process and DCs developing the ability to make sensible decisions even if others are not. One detention is not the end of the world - use it as a (small) learning point. Px

When ds1 got a lunchtime detention for not signing in, after arriving late ftom dentist appt, he grumbled, I nagged and told him it was irresponsible, what if there was a fire, etc etc. His reply "I know that now..eye roll..I had to write a 500 word essay about it" so I wish I had kept quiet really.

Basically, the school sort it out....if another child or person was upset by her actions, then maybe succinctly say you are disappointed, but don't make it huge, else she won't tell you details about any lunchtime ones, that can sometimes give you clues about tardiness, or other minor incidents before they get out of hand!

Same here. The worst thing about any detention my DSs have had has been the fact that they inconvience us more than them. DS2 recently had one, which finished at 4pm. I told him he had to stay at school until 5pm and do homework as no-one was available to come and get him. The detentions are invariably "unfair" and I have no idea if they are not, so do not pass comment, just state that I don't expect it to happen again.

I tend to take the point of view that getting a detention is a rite of passage - and, in a way, would rather my ds get s detention at some point, for something fairly innocuous, than be the kind of completely bland child that never gets into trouble!! If your ds is anything like mine - he was so worried when he got his detention (for not having his rough book with him in a music lesson) that he texted me straight away - like Amber, I rolled my eyes and said I hoped he would remember his rough book now (whilst inwardly cursing the teacher for not just giving him a piece of paper!!)

that he texted me straight away

Wow! Playing with fire....Ds1 is terrified of texting in school time for fear of the detention!

I never had a detention in my life kcg..I was not bland, merely cunning.

Ds1 recently had a break time detention because I did not print off and sign a letter, even though he had asked me several times that one cost me a bar of marvellous creations, and a lot of nagging and double checking since!

I think DS has had a detention but not sure about DD. The thing is, the detentions tend to happen at break or at lunchtimes so I don't get to find out. Plus, for ages, when DS talked about 'dets', I thought he was talking about 'debts'. I just didn't make the connection. I wouldn't worry about it too much either as long as your DD knows not to do that silly something again.

KS10 - this made me laugh - the fact that you misheard it as debts, but that didn't raise an eyebrow!! And, yes, south bucks...you are right - there are 2 sorts of detention avoiders!!!

Amber wrote:Roll eyes to the ceiling, say something like 'that was daft' and move on. Possibly expressing displeasure if it involves inconvenience for other family members in terms of transport.

Completely agree with Amber for something silly. For something more serious (which this obviously isn't) a chat comes into the equation and for chat read rational discussion from me and a lot of huffing from DS