I am sorry for the situation you are going through at the moment. As I have DD of same age and we are more or less in same situation, I have few thoughts to share.
I have very little idea about whole scenario, but I would like to comment about whatever I have understood.
-Try to find out WHY she is doing it.
-Let go the small problems like eating sweets and all as we need to focus on bigger probs.
- I am specially concerned about taking away money.
- They feel good about being a decision maker.
-One to one time is very important.
-Leaving a country is very sensitive matter for them as Its like a big change.
- Find out about her school life, any bitching, backstabbing bullying as girls sometimes can be very nasty.
-Tell her that, everyone does mistakes and learning from them is important.
-you love her the way she is.
-Emotionally they are very sensitive and fragile at this age so be gentle.
-Make sure that office matters are not coming home.
-There is an old saying that when DD can fit in her MUMs shoes we should consider her our friend.
I apologise about so many things ,I have written in emotional overflow ,but I hope it helps.
Thank you for the support. Some good ideas, will see what we come up this evening.
Is there a chance your DD may be feeling like there is virtually nothing she has any control over? Is there an area that doesn't matter too much that you could give her more control over?
That's something to think about. We had a chat a couple of months back: just me and her and she said we weren't spending much time together and I was paying more attention to her younger sibling. Since then I have consciously spent time with her alone, without including her sibling. She was very mature at that time, said she understood that it was a good thing not to have everything she asked for since she might get spoilt! She agreed that we give money for her valid needs.
We have discussed the situation at work- if anything, it made matters worse. She started crying saying she wouldn't leave the country and cannot think of living anywhere else. She has been here for 5 years now. So, I promised her we would look at all options and discuss with her before taking a final decision. She has a place at the local GS starting in Yr 7, she fell in love with the school and is looking forward to starting there. So, I don't think it is about leaving primary school. She has no problems at school as far as I know but I will talk to her again to see if I can pick up on some issues.
The money has been used to buy sweets, we do tend to regulate the amount of sweets. When we first fund out, we starting securing our wallets, but today caught her taking money from our change pot, which is kept for emergencies. I have asked her about the sweets to find out if it is for someone else, but she says it is for her, but it is an extraordinary amount, like a giant slab of chocolate, surely she cannot eat the full slab herself.