struggling and stressed
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Schools can also mark mock GCSEs quite hard (and remember they probably won't have completed all the syllabus yet) to try and "encourage" a last burst of hard work - although I imagine in some cases it can have the opposite effect ("I'm not going to get all A* anyway so why bother.."). Would be useful to find out where he needs to concentrate his efforts to improve and get the results in the summer he's hoping forproud mum x2 wrote:My son was feeling awful too today(he's in Y11) as he'd just got some results back from his mock GCSE'S and didn't do as well as he'd thought he would. ***
Hi Janeyn
Sorry to hear about how your daughter is feeling. I know it's such a dreadful feeling when your kids are down. There is such a massive learning curve that children have to face when starting grammar school. I'm sure that having spoken to her tutor you will feel much easier about things and can pass this on to her. I know my son has felt overwhemled on occasion by the amount of homework that they have to do. I think the biggest thing they can learn this year is the time-management issue. My son tends to try and get the shorter homeworks done first and then works on his longer homeworks-the essays etc- afterwards. I just try and support him and tell him how proud we are of his efforts when he is feeling bogged down.
I think it was very harsh for the school to make your daughter redo a test in detention- especially if she had tried her hardest in the first place. I would just try and be as supportive as possible and let her know that as she's bright she will get there in the end.
Let us know how you both get on.
Sorry to hear about how your daughter is feeling. I know it's such a dreadful feeling when your kids are down. There is such a massive learning curve that children have to face when starting grammar school. I'm sure that having spoken to her tutor you will feel much easier about things and can pass this on to her. I know my son has felt overwhemled on occasion by the amount of homework that they have to do. I think the biggest thing they can learn this year is the time-management issue. My son tends to try and get the shorter homeworks done first and then works on his longer homeworks-the essays etc- afterwards. I just try and support him and tell him how proud we are of his efforts when he is feeling bogged down.
I think it was very harsh for the school to make your daughter redo a test in detention- especially if she had tried her hardest in the first place. I would just try and be as supportive as possible and let her know that as she's bright she will get there in the end.
Let us know how you both get on.
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proud mum x2
- Posts: 609
- Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm
Solimum, Thanks for that, we did think maybe the marking was a bit harsh, as he had revised really well, so you have set my mind at rest, we will wait to see the rest of his results (the ones yesterday were his "worst" subjects) then decide if he, or we, need to speak to one of his tutors before parent's eve in feb. I told him not to worry as he is predicted A and A* in all subjects,and that the school wouldn't predict those grades if they thought they were unachievable. He is a worrier,though and this has really shocked him.Fingers crossed the other results will please him more! kids are such a worry!no-one tells you about all this when you hold that little bundle for the first time, and...your heart melts....
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fm
school expectations
I think the problem is with the school and not your daughter. First of all, I can't see why they have streamed in Year7 and, if they insist on streaming, I don't think you would get very reliable results if you streamed based on typical verbal reasoning and non-verbal reasoning tests.
There is a huge difference in the standards achieved and expected by feeder primary schools so children enter secondary with large differences in skills already attained. For instance my child won a place at a grammar school, having spent just 6 days practising the NFER verbal and Non-verbal packs; we only knew at the last moment that we were moving house to a grammar school/dreadful comprehensives area. She was, however, at a very indifferent primary school for many years and achieved 4 in English, 4 in Science and 5 in Maths. Initially there was quite a gap between her and other children and I remember thinking in the January that we might be better served moving her to a comprehensive.
Truthfully she wasn't remotely stressed by her relatively low level of achievement; I think I was doing enough stressing for both of us. But, in time, she did 'raise her game' and was eventually better placed (top 30 of 150).
The important thing is to realise this is the first lap in a very long marathon and try to get your daughter to view it this way. If she has been set too highly, then talk to her and the school about her being put in a more realistic banding. Also try to make her realise just how wide a spread there is at some grammar schools.
For instance, in Birmingham (where the exam is largely based on reading, vocabulary and comprehension levels and advanced maths, with 1/3 non-verbal) to get into Handsworth Girls you needed a score of 318 last year but for Camp Hill boys you needed 345 or so in the same exam. Therefore the perception is that all the clever kids are a Camp Hill. However, even within Camp Hill, there is a huge spread of scores, from that bottom 345 to the top child achieving 440. How bright the brightest are can be quite demoralising for some children, especially those who might have been the 'bright' ones in a school with a limited range of bright children.
On a practical level, perhaps the two of you could sit down in the Easter holidays, choose 3 subjects to target (not necessarily her bad ones) and give her a boost so she can feel good about being good at these.
Hope this all helps.
There is a huge difference in the standards achieved and expected by feeder primary schools so children enter secondary with large differences in skills already attained. For instance my child won a place at a grammar school, having spent just 6 days practising the NFER verbal and Non-verbal packs; we only knew at the last moment that we were moving house to a grammar school/dreadful comprehensives area. She was, however, at a very indifferent primary school for many years and achieved 4 in English, 4 in Science and 5 in Maths. Initially there was quite a gap between her and other children and I remember thinking in the January that we might be better served moving her to a comprehensive.
Truthfully she wasn't remotely stressed by her relatively low level of achievement; I think I was doing enough stressing for both of us. But, in time, she did 'raise her game' and was eventually better placed (top 30 of 150).
The important thing is to realise this is the first lap in a very long marathon and try to get your daughter to view it this way. If she has been set too highly, then talk to her and the school about her being put in a more realistic banding. Also try to make her realise just how wide a spread there is at some grammar schools.
For instance, in Birmingham (where the exam is largely based on reading, vocabulary and comprehension levels and advanced maths, with 1/3 non-verbal) to get into Handsworth Girls you needed a score of 318 last year but for Camp Hill boys you needed 345 or so in the same exam. Therefore the perception is that all the clever kids are a Camp Hill. However, even within Camp Hill, there is a huge spread of scores, from that bottom 345 to the top child achieving 440. How bright the brightest are can be quite demoralising for some children, especially those who might have been the 'bright' ones in a school with a limited range of bright children.
On a practical level, perhaps the two of you could sit down in the Easter holidays, choose 3 subjects to target (not necessarily her bad ones) and give her a boost so she can feel good about being good at these.
Hope this all helps.
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Road Runner
- Posts: 410
- Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:32 pm
Mel x
Dear Jayne
I am sorry to hear about your daughter but please please tell her and be assured yourself she is not on her own. Also please tell her how commendable it is of her to share her worries with you.
Secondary school means massive changes and many more subjects/lessons then the children are used to aswell as lots more homework. In GS's the expectations are higher and I believe there are only a certain number of children who stay at the top when they get there. In most cases children who were at top in primary schools may suddenly be average or below average in GS. But remember they are in a GS. Whatever anyone says to be bottom in 'GS' is no shame at all.
If her school were very concerned they would of contacted you by now. It does seem unfair to stream them so early on and having your dd resit a test in a detention is unfair as I think this would only be justified if the child had deliberately not tried in the actual test. It would be this reason why I would contact the school. Ask them why the detention was set? Usually detentions are a form of punishment so why did your DD get one.
However don't tell your daughter at ths stage that you are seeing the school as if you show you are worried she will worry more.
When my son(currently year
joined his GS we were over the moon but like you I worried constantly about him and how he was doing and I still do. His school send home grade cards near the end of every half and full term based on his effort and attainment. In year 7 he was getting mixed grades including a coupe of D's. I did worry as I guess I felt that maybe he should be getting all A's but then and now I haveto remind myself that he is now in a school along side some 'very' high achievers so ofcourse even more effort and higher results are required to get those A's. Also at the time he was very friendly with a lovely boy who was a straight A* student and his mum told me which made me feel worse. However what did help was another very honest mum telling me that her son was on report for poor performance and bad organisation and he is a clever lad. I then realised that if the school had concerns they would contact me so I stopped worrying as much which I think also impacted my son. We both relaxed a bit.
Since starting year 8 he is more constant with his performance. The grades allow him and us to see where he is strongest and where he needs the extra effort and he now applies that most of the time and because of this his confidence has grown so he now sets himself higher expectations.
Still sometimes when he achieves high in one area he falls down in another but I think thats because he just cannot do very good in everything all the time. We accept that and tell him to too. He knows also he has to revise, this was a big thing we had to get him used to doing and I still haveto push him to do it.
Has your daughter told you what she found difficult and what tests they were? How is her homework and what do her books reflect by way of her ability. My sons maths books always reflects a very good ability but when he does a test we get a different story. Revision!
Remember your daughter got into the school because of her ability. keep telling her that.
Because you are so concerned you need to talk with the school to get some reassurance so that you can start reassuring your daughter.
Try and get it sorted this month then you can start February fresh.
Please let us know how you get on and remember most people on here, like so many who have alreday replied to you are honest too and I am sure lots will be having the exact same worries as you.
Shame there isn't a similar forum for our kids eh?
Good luck to you
Mel
I am sorry to hear about your daughter but please please tell her and be assured yourself she is not on her own. Also please tell her how commendable it is of her to share her worries with you.
Secondary school means massive changes and many more subjects/lessons then the children are used to aswell as lots more homework. In GS's the expectations are higher and I believe there are only a certain number of children who stay at the top when they get there. In most cases children who were at top in primary schools may suddenly be average or below average in GS. But remember they are in a GS. Whatever anyone says to be bottom in 'GS' is no shame at all.
If her school were very concerned they would of contacted you by now. It does seem unfair to stream them so early on and having your dd resit a test in a detention is unfair as I think this would only be justified if the child had deliberately not tried in the actual test. It would be this reason why I would contact the school. Ask them why the detention was set? Usually detentions are a form of punishment so why did your DD get one.
However don't tell your daughter at ths stage that you are seeing the school as if you show you are worried she will worry more.
When my son(currently year
joined his GS we were over the moon but like you I worried constantly about him and how he was doing and I still do. His school send home grade cards near the end of every half and full term based on his effort and attainment. In year 7 he was getting mixed grades including a coupe of D's. I did worry as I guess I felt that maybe he should be getting all A's but then and now I haveto remind myself that he is now in a school along side some 'very' high achievers so ofcourse even more effort and higher results are required to get those A's. Also at the time he was very friendly with a lovely boy who was a straight A* student and his mum told me which made me feel worse. However what did help was another very honest mum telling me that her son was on report for poor performance and bad organisation and he is a clever lad. I then realised that if the school had concerns they would contact me so I stopped worrying as much which I think also impacted my son. We both relaxed a bit.Since starting year 8 he is more constant with his performance. The grades allow him and us to see where he is strongest and where he needs the extra effort and he now applies that most of the time and because of this his confidence has grown so he now sets himself higher expectations.
Still sometimes when he achieves high in one area he falls down in another but I think thats because he just cannot do very good in everything all the time. We accept that and tell him to too. He knows also he has to revise, this was a big thing we had to get him used to doing and I still haveto push him to do it.
Has your daughter told you what she found difficult and what tests they were? How is her homework and what do her books reflect by way of her ability. My sons maths books always reflects a very good ability but when he does a test we get a different story. Revision!
Remember your daughter got into the school because of her ability. keep telling her that.
Because you are so concerned you need to talk with the school to get some reassurance so that you can start reassuring your daughter.
Try and get it sorted this month then you can start February fresh.
Please let us know how you get on and remember most people on here, like so many who have alreday replied to you are honest too and I am sure lots will be having the exact same worries as you.
Shame there isn't a similar forum for our kids eh?
Good luck to you
Mel
Well said Mel,
It is comforting to know that not all children at Grammer get A's.
Often, you will only hear of the very high scores, other choosing to say nothing if they think the child has under performed. This must put a lot of pressure on children, when parents only hear of the best, and expect the same of their child
My son is doing just o.k. But I always say to him, I look at the effort he puts in, not the test results. I cant expect any more of him than his best effort.
take care
Cindy
It is comforting to know that not all children at Grammer get A's.
Often, you will only hear of the very high scores, other choosing to say nothing if they think the child has under performed. This must put a lot of pressure on children, when parents only hear of the best, and expect the same of their child
My son is doing just o.k. But I always say to him, I look at the effort he puts in, not the test results. I cant expect any more of him than his best effort.
take care
Cindy
If there is a downside to GS, it is the fact that the children attending forget they are in the top 25% of the ability range nationally. As others have said, there is a broad spectrum of ability even at selective schools (no doubt Guest 55 will confirm). The effect of this on the kids was brought home to me when my eldest got his GCSE results and informed me they were 'rubbish' as he only got one C, eight Bs and one A (the latter being Maths). Despite my assurances to the contrary (and he achieved these results with sod all revision!), he still maintains he is useless compared to the rest of sixth form.
Yes, Tom's mum, you are correct!
Those with 3 level 4s on entry or sometimes lower, to those with top 5s - probably working at an even higher level. Some are good all-rounders while others excel in some subjects and 'struggle' in others.
They certainly don't all get top marks but all have talents -even if it's not in Maths
Those with 3 level 4s on entry or sometimes lower, to those with top 5s - probably working at an even higher level. Some are good all-rounders while others excel in some subjects and 'struggle' in others.
They certainly don't all get top marks but all have talents -even if it's not in Maths
Two things worried me about Jayne's initial posts. I would certainly not be happy with her daughter having to redo a test as a detention (unless she had been messing about during the actual test or something like that, and I'm sure she wasn't).
The other thing was the setting in year 7 according to 11+ scores. I have never heard of this happening - it strikes me as being a completely insane thing to do! Does anyone know how a school would justify this?
The other thing was the setting in year 7 according to 11+ scores. I have never heard of this happening - it strikes me as being a completely insane thing to do! Does anyone know how a school would justify this?
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proud mum x2
- Posts: 609
- Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:35 pm
I agree Katel, a detention for a bad test result seems really unfair, at my son's GS if they get a bad test result, it is upsetting enough for them (with the pressure of the high fliers,) they don't need a punishment too! My son is always trying to better his scores,as are most of the others. As for telling her she may move down a class, that is cruel,do they mean down a set? or into a lower year? a change in sets may be a good idea,if it's handled with sensitivity, although to set in Y7 seems very odd.
At my son's GS they don't set for anything until Y9 and then it's only for maths,all the yeargroup is completely mixed up for all the subjects, so they get to mix with all the other children in their year.
Although,initially worried about this change,he now thinks it is a brilliant idea,as he has made lots of new friends.
I really feel for you Jayne, I hope things turn around for you and your dd.
At my son's GS they don't set for anything until Y9 and then it's only for maths,all the yeargroup is completely mixed up for all the subjects, so they get to mix with all the other children in their year.
Although,initially worried about this change,he now thinks it is a brilliant idea,as he has made lots of new friends.
I really feel for you Jayne, I hope things turn around for you and your dd.