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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 6:15 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:42 am
Posts: 12
A very unhappy DD came home from the induction day at her new school. She is in a class will 2 other girls from her old school that she does not get on with particularly well. I explained that there will be lots of new friends to make and she does not need to stay with the girls from her old school.
She does not make friends particularly easily - is very academic and has not had an easy time at her primary school.
She has asked me to contact her new school to see if she could be moved.
Should I contact the new school? Is it possible to get her moved at such a late stage? Or should I leave her to sort this out for herself in the new school year?
Any advice gratefully received as we are now facing a very troubled time!


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:03 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:11 pm
Posts: 37
Location: Bucks
Hello
We are in a similar situation but DD has no other girls from her school in her class - similar social issues and lots of anxiety.
After a polite enquiry, school refuse to move her - saying this would set a precedent, however I have made them very aware of the situation and the worries we all have. Her current teacher has written a few lines as to how he has handled her social anxiety within class which has affected how she communicates with teachers and peers, and I have copied this to her new form teacher, learning manager of year 7 and the deputy head on site.

I have given them as much info as I feel I can and have agreed that if things are still fraught after a few weeks I will be contacting them for further talks. They are happy with this - feel I may have got more longer term help and awareness of DD's needs this way than demanding a move and creating antagonism..??

I have told DD I have done as much as possible to help the school understand her situation and this has seemed to have helped a bit.

In the meantime taking positively to DD and helping her to make a plan to cope - i.e. making a meeting place for her friends in different classes and her at breaks, arranging social time after school with current friends, and trying not to make too big a deal out of it.

I feel for you and your daughter -it is not nice - we will try and forget about it as much as possible over the summer and have some FUN - won't stop me worrying though!!

Good Luck


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 8:14 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:15 pm
Posts: 53
Location: Kent
I think it would be worthwhile to get in touch with the school, not necessarily to ask for a move but to advise of your daughters feelings and concerns. They have probably come across it before and may be able to help. A friend of my daughter had a similar problem last year and when her mother contacted the school, they were helpful and put her in touch with other mothers/girls in her form so they could arrange some get togethers during the summer holidays before the start of term. This girl did not find it easy to make new friends and socialise, but it worked for her and she has thouroughly enjoyed her first year and has a lot of new friends.

I know it is very worrying when they are anxious but with your support she will be fine.

Take care


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 10:01 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
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I am surprised that the schools have not talked to each other about which children should be kept apart. This is an important part of effective transition -


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 Post subject: class allocations
PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 2:09 pm
Posts: 875
Location: Solihull, West Midlands
THis is probably an unrealistic ideal in a situation where a grammar school may have children from 20? 50? maybe more different primary schools. The person arranging the classes may actively group children from the same primary school together, or separate them on principle, or group by 11+ score, or try to keep a gender balance etc and (if it's part of the system) honour any "best friend" requests" but I doubt if they would have time to speak individually to every Year 6 teacher.

Transition is one area in which a system where the bulk of children in a secondary come from their 3 or 4 local feeder primaries can work well, with sometimes regular exchanges of teachers, jointly planned transition units in (eg) maths as well as a chance for year 6 teachers to have an input into class allocations


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
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Sorry I know of Grammars with over 50 feeder schools that do contact each Primary school and visit most of them - it is a vital part of effective transfer. They also talk to the Y6 pupils and find out about them - there are a number of teachers involved and each visits one or two - if you keep the same schools from year to year you can then pass on how the previous pupils are doing which fosters a really good relationship.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:10 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:42 am
Posts: 12
Thank you all for your advice.
I will get in touch will her new school tomorrow but only to make them aware of the situation. I will also get in touch with some new girls/mothers from her class during the summer holidays.
DD did confirm that someone had visited her primary from the new school but had not asked the children with whom they wished to be in class with next year. However with 15 children transferring to the new school I suspect the teachers did recommend some groupings and they did split up some more 'vocal' friendships.
This still upsets me as she was looking forward to a fresh start and I feel it is always the hardworking, quiet ones that get walked over !
Once again thank you.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:09 pm
Posts: 30
Location: wirral
Toubled- Your post had re-awakened a memory from a long time ago for me :wink:

When I went to GR school way back in 1980 I went with 3 other girls from my primary class none of whom I liked AT ALL ! We were all placed in the same classes which caused me such anxiety . All I could see ahead of me was a repetition of the previous primary years.
I pleaded with my mum to 'sort it out' thankfully it fell on deaf ears.

I say thankfully because within the first week, I made two friends who are still, to this day, two of the most cherished people in my life. Those other girls just melted away due to the diverse mix of kids in the class.

It WILL be the same for your dd...I am sure of it. In fact I'm so sure tell dd from me that you should promise to post on here in 12months time to tell us how it all panned out. :D :D :D

Best of luck to you and dd x


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:30 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
I went into a grammar school class with a school 'friend' from my middle school. I have virtually no memories of her after the first few days. We each made our own friends and despite being with her in the same class throughout GS, I don't remember har from that time at all.
True, we weren't enemies, so I had no fear of her, but I have a feeling that Hari may be right.
I truly hope that it turns out like Hari has predicted.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:53 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:21 pm
Posts: 11944
Rather than asking for your child to be moved out - what about asking for a friend to be moved in?Groups of three from a school invite problems - groups of even numbers from ech feeder should be used where possible. It also gives a positive message to the other two ....


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