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PostPosted: Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:06 pm 
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We haven't had a diagnosis yet but I am sure DS2 has mild ADHD. I have always felt there was something not quite right and assummed it was mild aspergers but after reading this:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/adhd/indepth ... mptoms.htm

it describes him and our situation to a tee. :( I don't believe it is severe but the detrimental impact on his self-esteem and peer relationships (or lack of) are significant.

So I would like to know what the best size of school would be, single sex v's co-ed, academic/non-selective. My initial thought was a school like Winchester (600 pupils) as there are many quirky boys there, but on the whole they are quite genteel and I don't know if DS would stick out like a sore thumb. I am also concerned as to whether he should get a proper diagnosis as this may impact him getting into the schools we are looking at. I am sure there are boys who have undiagnosed SLD who get into these schools and cope but he may not get any offers if he has a formal diagnosis. I feel he needs to be in a semi-selective school but with a diagnosis he may only have access to the independent schools known for only taking children with low ability or SLD.

My poor son's self-esteem is rock bottom at the moment and I just want him to be happy and achieve what he is capable of. :cry:


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 7:47 am 
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Oh dear Tippo poor you. I'm not sure what the right kind of school is but I would sugest the wrong kind of school in one which would not have let him in had they known. If you are right and he needs to be in a nurturing environment then that means ones where they can support him not one where they feel he is an embarrassment. I personally would try to get a diagnosis as the last paragraph of that link you posted gives some food for thought if you don't. With an accurate diagnosis you can do more research on what would be the right thing to do. Also, he may be fine, it may jsut be a stage, in which case it would be reassuring to know? As for Co-Ed etc etc, that's what my instinct would be then perhaps that's just because it's what I favour anyway. Good luck.

_________________
mad?


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:02 am 
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Location: East Kent
definitely get a proper diagnosis wfg. Children with ADHD do better with clear boundaries and routine, they often act without thinking through to the consequences. The bright modern primary classrooms with whizzy displays are not really the best environment for ADHD children as it is stimulus overload.

Aspergers, ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia are now thought to be related - an umbrella rather than a spectrum.

a diagnosis would help him to devise strategies to help him.

Have you looked at adders.org? very informative and has support groups


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:14 am 
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You are right mad?, I think I will speak to the school today.

What bothers me most though is the stigma that comes with having ADHD. It is a condition which is viewed negatively by society and children are seen as being a problem rather than having a disability such as dyslexia. Interesting about co-ed. DS has not had a great time because the girls can't bear him and the other boys are particularly nasty when the girls are around to try and show off more. I am very pleased with his current school and he could stay there until 18 but because of his lack of friends he is determined to leave at the end of Y8. Of course, that is a long time away and he may change his mind but I need to have other schools in place in case he still wants to move.

I assume that small would be better but the smaller the environment the more noticeable his problems may be. I am so confused. I think he is going to have to be a day boy too, which although is normal for most families, it is certainly not what we had intended and rules out all of the schools we'd hoped he may have gotten a place at. I hate the fact that he is already in his brother's shadow and this may be highlighted more by the schools they go to. But I couldn't care less where he goes as long as it is as good a fit as it can be.


Yoyo, thanks for this info and I will look at this site now. So, basically I need to find a 1950's style no frills private school. He actually went to a prep for a year and did very well but they are the type of schools that tend to close down!


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:53 am 
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I'd strongly disagree about co-ed. From my limited experience (one boy with some aspergery/autistic spectrum behaviours but not diagnosed as such), I agree with your own instinct about an environment that's used to quirky boys being best. And probably the more selective the better, because that will increase the proportion of like minded souls.

By the way - don't read internet sites describing the symptoms of ANYTHING:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_students'_disease

Mike


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:15 am 
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My sister is a med student and I should have died five times by now! I worry for her if she ever has children as the pregnancy she is going to have is already filled with dangerous complications! :roll:

Back to OP.

The only schools that I think would fit are super-selective and I'm not sure he would get in because he is not producing the work he is capable of. :(


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:43 am 
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I'm no expert, but do have first hand experience of a DS with ADHD (diagnosed) and related difficulties of dyspraxia, and an older sibling who casts a big shadow!
We have just been through an appeal (successfully), with full support of our school. Even two years ago I could not have imagined our school supporting us as they have.
We have experienced all the issues you have mentioned - v low self-esteem, no friends, difficult behaviour in school, impetuous, too lively, poor grades etc. Things began to change once we had that diagnosis and understanding.
He is now seen as a bright (albeit quirky child), who has a good attitude to work (underneath those quirks!) and who can achieve. We felt strongly that he needed the structure and discipline of a selective school, where hard work and academic acchievement were seen as normal; where he would be surrounded by good role models, kept challenged and busy and all in a less-disruptive environment.
I'm not sure what year your DS is in, but with a diagnosis and support he can mature a great deal in a year or two and your confidence in him then may be quite different than it is now.
Oh, and yes prejudice is out there, a 'label' can work one of two ways! We had an appeal panel of three retired people: I feared that prejudice would prevail, but it seems not.

Do speak to the SENCOs or Learning support leaders at the schools you are considering; they may well be able to reassure you that they have the experience and processes in place to nurture your DS and allow him to reach his academic potential.
I wish you luck; it is a challenge for sure, but can be so rewarding when things go well.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 1:01 pm 
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Thanks MrsMum for your kind message.

I have been in touch with the school today and had a really caring email. I think I need to step back and prioritise getting this issue addressed rather than focus on impending senior school pre-tests. The pastoral care at his current school is excellent and sometimes it is easy to not see that maybe DS is actually in the school he should be in and we should focus on the here and now. As always, things may change! :roll:

Would still like advice on school size, co-ed v ss, boarding or not for ADHD. :)


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:14 pm 
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I can see me, my husband, and my children in all these different sets of symptoms that one finds on the internet - be they psychological, medical, or learning related.

Are you sure you are not reading too much into these symptoms? I seem to remember that you said somewhere else on this forum that you taught DS2 to read at age 4, and he progressed to stage 11 within 4 months - unless my memory plays tricks on me. Would this be easy to do with an ADHD child?

My daughter would not have sat down long enough at that age to have learned that much - but she definitely does not have ADHD ........ but I do wonder about her father!!

He sounds like he is more intelligent than many children at highly selective schools, maybe he is more sensitive in some ways too.

There are a gazillion reasons for underperformance at school, this is probably not the one, but certainly worth investigating very quietly.

Are you concerned that school is offering less challenging work to him because he is not performing as well as he might? If this is the case, that is very frustrating. Has his work gone backwards, or is he just not progressing as fast as he should?


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:18 pm 
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Oh I forgot to say, is he boarding currently and has no friends?


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