Son having trouble at school recently, refusing help.

[yoyo123]

perhaps the school can draw up a Pastoral Support Plan, where you, your son, school and ,usually, behaviour support services draw up an agreement as to what will happen if he is finding things difficult. Has the Senco been involved when he is sent home? Perhaps you could suggest that the school and you sit down and draw up a plan for this type of thing. Maybe a place where your son can go if he needs to get away, or a time out card that he can show to the teacher. if he Targets for good behaviour can help. Clear boundaries, with a reward if he succeeds and an agreed sanction if he doesn't keep to his part of the bargain. If behaviour support services are not involved, perhaps ask if the school can contact them.

I would also suggest that both parties make a date for a follow up meeting to discuss how things have progressed ( that way you are in control a bit and they can't fob you off). You can then involve parentpartnership.

Good Luck, your son should not be missing out on his education

[mum23*]

Hi and I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. It must be a stressful time for you.

I was wondering about a few things..

Is the school a state school?

Have you been made fully aware of the exact reasons for sending your son home and is this done officially as an exclusion?

Have you had any meetings which include your DS too so he is fully aware of the situation and what the consequences are for any behaviour? What is his view of the situation?

How old is your DS? Has he always had the same difficulties with behaviour/school (you say he has an old school...did he move from that because of his behaviour?) or is it a more recent thing? It might be worth checking his health and wellbeing with your GP especially if he seems unusually tired or his behaviour/weight etc has suddenly changed. Puberty can seem to hit some Dcs hard and be a real turmoil...for us too when they turn argumentative or sullen and just want to sit on the computer.

What about friends? Is there anything that might have happened to cause his behaviour, any bullying issues? If it is a GS then could there be issues with the work? Do the problems happen in certain lessons or with certain teachers? If this is the case then changing seating arrangements/form/teachers etc might help.

I hope your meeting goes well. Write down any questions or things you want to say as a reminder for the meeting and jot down the answers. Ask for a follow up in a particular timescale to review progress and maybe suggest keeping a home school diary or being able to communicate directly by email to a member of staff to check how things are going more regularly...say, weekly... then if things have been more positive you can praise DS and see if any strategies are working.

I agree that a third party such as parent partnership might be helpful and certainly the SENCO could involve outside agencies if that would be helpful. Best of luck.

[Devoted-dad]

hello mum23...thanks for sharing with us your concerns and advice..really appreciated.
DS goes to state/lea maintained school. the minor offences include: (1)he isn't listenin to teachers and following instructions,, ~(2)during playtime at the playground, when asked to come inside the building, he refused and continued playing..and the last (3) during one-2-one reading with teacher, he refused and when teacher threatened him that he would be sent home and mum will come and get him, he got upset and blocked the teacher not to leave the room.
hes 10yrs old, and skinny and am sure he wont hurt anyone..
we changed school from previous school, becos his simpling older son was bullied, and so the whole family had to chance school, but he was happy there and got well with teachin stuff and also diner ladies loved him..he was popular..i feel guilty, maybe we should take him back to his old school
I was away working abroad, but the last meeting with headteacher said to DS ''Your were very nasty'' this is shocking for a responsible head of school to use infront of SEN child. am gonna hold him accountable for this during our meeting or should mention this in the written complaint letter to school governors?? ~).
i agree with ur asesertion that there must be some accountable and someone in the school to take ownership of managing DS..this is best approach..i guess..anyway..if anyone has any ideas and quesitions that i shld ask headteacher, feel free...

[Guest55]

headteacher said to DS ''Your were very nasty''

A child is never nasty - their behaviour might be unacceptable but this is not the correct way to speak to a 10 year old.

This is quite worrying and I would approach Parent partnership or make it clear you will be seeking advice.

[yoyo123]

agree, that is completely unprofessional, I am horrified that an adult would say that to a young child

[Devoted-dad]

hello all,
thank u for your support, views, advice and sharing of personal experiences with us during this trying times.
the meeting on monday with headteacher , senco, TA, and head of yr... went superbly well. during the meeting it was only senco and head talking and dicussing, and the rest were just listening and taking notes.
we made our disapppoint of illegal or unofficial exlusion od DS with SEN not acceptable and we wont let the school send him home again without giving officially excluding him and providing a written notice to us within 24hrs.
finally we concluded, to seek an urgent review of DS statement and expand it further, so that extra provisions are included inorder to get further help for DS i.e.
we shall meet up with senco on friday to fill up the application and send it to the LEA.
Once again, i couldn't thank u all for your valuable contributions, advice, and vews..thank you!!

[mystery]

Great. The deputy-head must be feeling a little sheepish. I hope that over time things improve and your son starts to enjoy this school more and progress with his studies.

[mum23*]

I am glad you made some progress at the meeting. Try and get a good plan of support in place before secondary transfer to make that a smoother transition for your DS and make sure all his SEN records go up with him. Best of luck.

[yoyo123]

I'm glad you seem to be getting somewhere. at the statement review meeting try and make sure that transition programme is firmly in place and adhered too ( I have sat in many a review meeting where a comprehensive transition plan was drawn up and then ignored completely by secondary school..) The strategy of setting a date for a review of programme is useful..that way it keeps it fresh. Hope the unofficial exclusions no longer happen. Did you contact perent partnership?

[Devoted-dad]

yes, we really hope DS now can get on with his schooling and relax and the meeting for seeking to expand provisions for DS is great way forward..
yess, we have sent a copy of our report to the parent partnership and they replied via email and advice us further, in what sort of provisions to seek ..
all in all it seems, things are we shall remain hopeful for the seek of DS.
With secondary transfer, i shall keep your your ideas in mind..thank u...