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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 1:20 pm 
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DD is due to take the grammar exam next year, so early days. He is end of August born, so not even 9 yet.

Our problem is that although he is really bright (top 10% according to his teacher), he is very immature, has zero common sense, cannot concentrate to save his life and if he's bored he fiddles and messes around. Feedback we get with everyone who comes into contact with him is that you can't fail to like him and that he's charming, happy, great sense of humour, smart, and when he is on form he is fab but of course, none of this matters diddly unless he can apply it in the classroom/exams and ultimately in the real world. That said, he has asked for me to set him work every day of the holidays (maths papers, comprehension, grammar work - weird, I know!) We have considered getting him assessed as I think he shows some ADD signs, but don't want to label him. I'm conscious that if he were assessed, this would go on school records - I would be happier if it could be done in confidence, but hey ho.

DH isn't sure he would thrive in the academic environment of a grammar school and it would be kinder all around if he went to the local comp, which would save us the grief of a grammar school contacting us frequently saying that he is messing around. DD is at Ribston and up to her friends at the local comp gets heaps more homework and there seem to be much higher expectations of her and I assume all grammars are the same.

In view of the above, does anyone have any experience with this? Perhaps being in a more academic environment where high standards are expected is what he needs, or would he just spiral downwards? All thoughts welcome. I'm posting this elsewhere to get as wide a response as possible. Cheers.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 1:52 pm 
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Difficult one and maybe talking to possible secondary schools may help.
He may be messing around in lessons because he is bright and therefore bored. A school which keeps him stimulated may be better.

As for ADD. I was reading a book (about helping children with dyslexia as it happens) which mentioned ADD and ADHD. Had a list of signs of both. My DD would tick every one, but does not have issues with behaviour etc. I certainly wouldn't class her as having ADHD or be thinking about getting her assessed. However it did explain a number of things and we are more accepting of the traits she shows (she fidgets for England, even in her sleep).

Her year 3 teacher often said she was 'away with the fairies' a far bit of the time. I started giving her omega 3. Not sure if it made a difference or whether it was something else, but she came on leaps and bounds the following year. I asked her year 4 teacher about concentration and she said that DD seemed very focused and hadn't notice any concentration issues.

If he is bright and the school has a good SEN that knows how to deal with such issues, then why not. Of course if it doesn't suit, you still may have the option to move him later, but I doubt you would have an option to move him to GS later.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 2:42 pm 
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Thanks for that Tinkers. Ref him being bored in lessons, I had been thinking along the same lines to be honest, but not sure how to deal with it; I think they are doing the best they can.

Funnily enough, I started giving him Omega 3 a few weeks ago as I had heard some good reports (although I've since heard it can be a factor in prostate cancer - argghhhhh!). No change yet, but I read it can take a while.

His teacher in September is pretty fierce (she taught my dd) but he quite likes her, so it will be interesting to see if she can bring about a change in him. Glad your dd turned things around and glad she didn't have behavioural issues. It's difficult to know whether it's change in circumstance or change in maturity to thank.

It would be easier to move him from grammar to the local comp (depending upon spaces) and at least if he did pass, it would give him greater options. But yes, moving him from comp to grammar I would have thought would be extremely difficult.

Nightmare this kids lark!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 4:51 pm 
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I am being dense perhaps, but why would whatever this issue is be solved by going to a comp and not a grammar?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 9:30 pm 
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My ds has autism and is due to take the 11+ in less than three weeks. He is a fiddler, doesn't like to sit still, tunes out if stressed and has had episodes of running out of classrooms when younger. He has now learnt coping strategies and copes far better in a classroom environment.
I think my son would do better in a grammar school than a comprehensive, simply due to what will be expected from his peers. He copes better when amongst children who are focused and calm. He likes homework, it gives him structure, objectives and he knows what is expected of him. He is also very bright, gifted in English, maths and art. He has knowledge of science a good few years further on than expected, because that is his obsessive topic. He didn't fit in with any of the other children, until his school started streaming the children in year 4. He now has friends amongst his peers and is very happy.
I think my son would only cope in a grammar school, and a comprehensive would be too chaotic for him.
Just my thoughts.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:32 am 
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KhadijahA-R wrote:
My ds has autism and is due to take the 11+ in less than three weeks. He is a fiddler, doesn't like to sit still, tunes out if stressed and has had episodes of running out of classrooms when younger. He has now learnt coping strategies and copes far better in a classroom environment.
I think my son would do better in a grammar school than a comprehensive, simply due to what will be expected from his peers. He copes better when amongst children who are focused and calm. He likes homework, it gives him structure, objectives and he knows what is expected of him. He is also very bright, gifted in English, maths and art. He has knowledge of science a good few years further on than expected, because that is his obsessive topic. He didn't fit in with any of the other children, until his school started streaming the children in year 4. He now has friends amongst his peers and is very happy.
I think my son would only cope in a grammar school, and a comprehensive would be too chaotic for him.
Just my thoughts.


So good that your ds is coping with his issues, bless him - sounds like you are doing a great job. May he continue to thrive and really hope he goes to the school which will make him happy.

"am being dense perhaps, but why would whatever this issue is be solved by going to a comp and not a grammar?"

Not dense at all. Our concern is that if he is in a highly focussed and more exacting environment he may not thrive and that would stress and cause him to be unhappy. My query is would he be better off somewhere where he is allowed to be less academic and for it to be a less pressurised environment? If he is constantly being punished for not toeing the line and for not doing his homework, is he better off somewhere where it is not such a massive issue and he/us get a more relaxed life. If it were just a case of him being lazy, it would be different and we would give him a kick up the bum to make him pull his socks up. As my post says, we are however thinking possibly there is more to him than just laziness though.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:46 pm 
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Stressed?Moi? wrote:
KhadijahA-R wrote:
My ds has autism and is due to take the 11+ in less than three weeks. He is a fiddler, doesn't like to sit still, tunes out if stressed and has had episodes of running out of classrooms when younger. He has now learnt coping strategies and copes far better in a classroom environment.
I think my son would do better in a grammar school than a comprehensive, simply due to what will be expected from his peers. He copes better when amongst children who are focused and calm. He likes homework, it gives him structure, objectives and he knows what is expected of him. He is also very bright, gifted in English, maths and art. He has knowledge of science a good few years further on than expected, because that is his obsessive topic. He didn't fit in with any of the other children, until his school started streaming the children in year 4. He now has friends amongst his peers and is very happy.
I think my son would only cope in a grammar school, and a comprehensive would be too chaotic for him.
Just my thoughts.


So good that your ds is coping with his issues, bless him - sounds like you are doing a great job. May he continue to thrive and really hope he goes to the school which will make him happy.

"am being dense perhaps, but why would whatever this issue is be solved by going to a comp and not a grammar?"

Not dense at all. Our concern is that if he is in a highly focussed and more exacting environment he may not thrive and that would stress and cause him to be unhappy. My query is would he be better off somewhere where he is allowed to be less academic and for it to be a less pressurised environment? If he is constantly being punished for not toeing the line and for not doing his homework, is he better off somewhere where it is not such a massive issue and he/us get a more relaxed life. If it were just a case of him being lazy, it would be different and we would give him a kick up the bum to make him pull his socks up. As my post says, we are however thinking possibly there is more to him than just laziness though.


Hi, just read this. A grammar scool is a state school, and as such would have to make appropriate allowances for his autism.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:57 pm 
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Stressed, I see what you are asking. I taught in a comprehensive many moons ago. We expected homework to be completed - there were consequences every time for not doing so. We also expected children to toe the line. However, if there was a good reason why a particular individual needed things doing differently we would have adapted accordingly if this was what was needed for them to derive the most benefit from their education.

I would suggest that how well a school adapts to your son's very specific needs is more to do with their willingness to work cooperatively with you and your son than whether they are a grammar or a comp.


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