Apologies if I have got this wrong but here are some thoughts,
I have decided to go with the 1-1 tutoring for my DS, however, same problems as school with regards to poor concentration , spacing out and the relaxed attitude to learning. Begining to wonder if the 1-1 tutoring will help in the long run. We discuss his progress after every session; he is in tears most times when the tutor is given feedback. Dont know if this is helping ?. he might be just upset as he knows his progress is closely monitored unlike school where he gets away with it.
How long has your son been with the tutor and has the tutor been highly recommended?
Does the tutor know he is borderline ADHD / know how to adapt or approach tutoring for ADHD?
Sometimes traditional methods of tutoring can destroy a child's confidence in that all mistakes or slow progress are seen as failure from the child's point of view. Reading your post just seems to indicate that your DS might be feeling a lot of pressure to perform.
I know you are trying to help him improve and have seeked professional tutoring. Maybe it is just an adjustment to having a tutor and needing to get used to the tutor as well as to tutoring. It could also be that the tutor/tutoring, though superb for another child, might not suit your son.
His hand writing is very poor and not legible at most times and would not want to correct his mistakes, seems not even bothered at all. We have been having episodes of stomach aches without any real issues when at school. not sure what this is . We've been to the GP, no problem found, not constipated or anything, i am wondering if something at school is triggering this. Not sure, have arranged to see class teacher to discuss as well as help with handwriting and attitude to learning.
The vague complaints are sure signs of stress that cannot be vocalised.
Your DS is a clever boy who knows he can do well but faced with 'pressure' on all sides, cannot see a way to deal with what he sees as a monumental task.
I am at my wits end on what to do. comments from class teacher and 1-1 tutor is that he is a bright boy but is reluctant to work hard. He struggles with his literacy but enjoys maths etc. The senco worker are trying again to see if we can get any help - statement wise or other.
Any advice anyone?
Sam's Mum said earlier that it may all be too much for him.
I agree in that your son, although more than capable in many areas, feels overwhelmed by the scrutiny of so many.
If you feel the tutor is an excellent one, I would carry on.
But I feel feedback, especially negative ones, should be privately discussed (by telephone perhaps) out of earshot of the child. This is important in the beginning of any new activity as the child is very susceptible to expectations of parent/teacher and what is actually an easy problem to solve with practice becomes a damning indictment of his overall abilities.
The right tutor will be able to work on his confidence as well by using the right techniques to cope with his concentration lapses, allow mini-breaks, teach by letting him shout out answers rather than sit solidly with pen on paper all throughout the lesson, walk about for part of a lesson doing mental maths etc etc.
You could do a lot of covert brainwashing for your son by expressing frequently and positively how many clever things he has tackled or written or solved in a day/week. Tell him that it seems difficult now but he will see the fruits of his labours soon as little by little, he gets to where he wants to go or where he needs to be which is not thousands of miles away.
Tell yourself that he has time to prepare for the 11+ and in your little chats with your DS, drop big hints that there is plenty of time to practise and learn new techniques. It is also good to recall childhood milestones - that way, the child can see how maturity and practice can help a person grow and develop. Life is one big learning curve. When he first walked,ran,cycled, showered by himself, used a pair of scissors,got something from a high shelf,answered the phone are good ones.
He needs to see that he can do anything and you, the tutor and the school are doing everything to help. He must also see that the help is not because there is something wrong with him but that it is because you guys think that he has so many unharnessed abilities. Break up the work into manageable chunks and applaud all efforts.
I know you are not placing any conditional demands on your boy, you just want him to do well for his sake but children often read it some other way.Good Luck to both of you.
(I am writing this as I have heard too many times too many people saying to too many boys, " You will only be a bin man at the rate you are going!")