Family Divided Over 11+: Curious to Hear from Others
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You sound like a very caring mum with your DD's happiness foremost in your thoughts. It sounds as if you would like a resolution to 'what to do about DD's schooling' as soon as possible so that you can relax as a family and know what you are doing. I'm sure most people here would tell you that the next few years are a journey with many twisting and turning paths. What is best for your DD now may change during this time and decisions may be made and unmade more than once. Your DD may also have strong feelings about the choices herself once she is a little older.
What you can do for now is quietly research all the options with open minds and talk to people with experience of them. Give your DD all the tools to flourish in whatever environment emerges as the best option when the time comes including happiness, self esteem, confidence and the bit of extra help in maths too.
I have read some, um, 'interesting' things about Steiner schools. I recommend that you research thoroughly and consider carefully before going down that path.
Good luck with your journey!
What you can do for now is quietly research all the options with open minds and talk to people with experience of them. Give your DD all the tools to flourish in whatever environment emerges as the best option when the time comes including happiness, self esteem, confidence and the bit of extra help in maths too.
I have read some, um, 'interesting' things about Steiner schools. I recommend that you research thoroughly and consider carefully before going down that path.
Good luck with your journey!
Thanks so much to everyone who has been kind enough to open up about their personal experiences for me: it's really reassuring to know that other people have gone through this - and survived!
Amber: thanks for sharing your experiences - it sounds like your DD is just like mine and the disappointment your DS1 had over the 11+ is exactly the sort of thing I am trying to avoid for my DD.
Freya: you are right that I am trying to find some certainty in what will be a hugely uncertain time in my DDs life for the next three years or so. It's so frustrating!
For now, my DH and I have agreed to our DD having extra maths tuition once a week, with a view to re-assessing her progress at the end of Y4. In the meantime, I will be researching all the indie options available as well.
My gut instinct for my DD's happiness remains a small indie rather than a large, competitive GS, where I think she will be completely lost.
Well, at least I've got a year to bring my DH round to my way of thinking!
Thanks to you all!
Amber: thanks for sharing your experiences - it sounds like your DD is just like mine and the disappointment your DS1 had over the 11+ is exactly the sort of thing I am trying to avoid for my DD.
Freya: you are right that I am trying to find some certainty in what will be a hugely uncertain time in my DDs life for the next three years or so. It's so frustrating!
For now, my DH and I have agreed to our DD having extra maths tuition once a week, with a view to re-assessing her progress at the end of Y4. In the meantime, I will be researching all the indie options available as well.
My gut instinct for my DD's happiness remains a small indie rather than a large, competitive GS, where I think she will be completely lost.
Well, at least I've got a year to bring my DH round to my way of thinking!
Thanks to you all!
Didnt take me a minute to find some rather "interesting" stuff about the Steiner schools, certainly not for the faint hearted. I was inFreya wrote:I have read some, um, 'interesting' things about Steiner schools. I recommend that you research thoroughly and consider carefully before going down that path.
reading some of the stuff, quite creepy and one you need to go in when you have done your own research. It seems what on the cover and whats in the tin dont quite match.I now have added one more word in my vocabulary today - anthroposophy
Impossible is Nothing.
Hi Sherry_D,
Yes, I have read some of the horror stories on Mumsnet about Steiner schools, too; it seems difficult to get a moderate opinion on Steiner from anyone: I thought someone on this forum might be able to shed some more light on it ... Maybe it's just one of those areas on which opinion is greatly divided.
Last year, we went to visit our closest Steiner school, which was listed in the Good Schools Guide (not sure what that really means, though!), and I rather liked what I saw there: the children seemed happy and well-adjusted, and the teachers seemed calm but in control. They were obviously given a large range of creative activities to choose from as well, and the library, sports hall and theatre all looked good. The fact the children seemed to be painting exactly the same pictures concerned me, but then the teacher explained it was so that no one felt left behind, which seemed to make some sense.
I did like the general ethos of the school, and feel that a less pressured, creative environment would work well for my DD, but the only person I know who went to a Steiner school was DH's mum, who didn't like it at all because she didn't learn anything and because she said she spent most of her time growing cabbages! That said, she was only there for a few years when she was quite young.
Maybe I should start a thread about Steiner in the Indie forum, as I can't seem to find anything here: I'd love to hear from people whose kids have been through it, or from former pupils.
Yes, I have read some of the horror stories on Mumsnet about Steiner schools, too; it seems difficult to get a moderate opinion on Steiner from anyone: I thought someone on this forum might be able to shed some more light on it ... Maybe it's just one of those areas on which opinion is greatly divided.
Last year, we went to visit our closest Steiner school, which was listed in the Good Schools Guide (not sure what that really means, though!), and I rather liked what I saw there: the children seemed happy and well-adjusted, and the teachers seemed calm but in control. They were obviously given a large range of creative activities to choose from as well, and the library, sports hall and theatre all looked good. The fact the children seemed to be painting exactly the same pictures concerned me, but then the teacher explained it was so that no one felt left behind, which seemed to make some sense.
I did like the general ethos of the school, and feel that a less pressured, creative environment would work well for my DD, but the only person I know who went to a Steiner school was DH's mum, who didn't like it at all because she didn't learn anything and because she said she spent most of her time growing cabbages! That said, she was only there for a few years when she was quite young.
Maybe I should start a thread about Steiner in the Indie forum, as I can't seem to find anything here: I'd love to hear from people whose kids have been through it, or from former pupils.
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neurotic kent mum
- Posts: 970
- Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:40 am
Would love a thread on growing cabbages. At my age closer to my heart than 11+! However, on thread - please do not think your child will not flourish in a gs because of maths results age 8. They will be fine. Tutoring is not going to make them unable to cope at grammar - millions there before them!. Tutoring will just help them pass the exam.Please just support with a little tutoring if it helps, believe in dc - regardless of result - and enjoy their primary school years. Confidence if heightened through a good tutor is brilliant.
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mother night
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:22 pm
Hello TW Mum
Our DD is an only child who also lacks confidence and Maths was her weak subject. We left tutoring quite late but the one to one dynamic really worked and she ended up in the top set and loving it.
The teachers never mentioned the 11+ and by their omission we realised that they probably didn't think she was suitable. However, as we didn't have the option of being able to afford an indie we went for the test and she was really keen- although terribly nervous.
The happy ending is that she passed with a clear margin and got her first choice. I am concerned if she'll manage in a more competitive environment but at the moment she's very happy- which as we're all agreed is so important.
MN
Our DD is an only child who also lacks confidence and Maths was her weak subject. We left tutoring quite late but the one to one dynamic really worked and she ended up in the top set and loving it.
The teachers never mentioned the 11+ and by their omission we realised that they probably didn't think she was suitable. However, as we didn't have the option of being able to afford an indie we went for the test and she was really keen- although terribly nervous.
The happy ending is that she passed with a clear margin and got her first choice. I am concerned if she'll manage in a more competitive environment but at the moment she's very happy- which as we're all agreed is so important.
MN
My dd went to a Steiner based college for people with severe learning difficluties.
As soon as I got to the college I didn't like it, it gave me a creepy feeling and one which never left me, no matter how many times I visited.
They did LOTS of creative stuff (but as they all had disabilities it's hardly surprising) lots of growing veggies, singing and dancing and even had their own stables. But it also went hand in hand with some religious stuff
You may ask why I allowed my dd to go there if I didn't like it? Well, ex huby was really keen on it, but I just didn't want dd to leave home at all, feeling no-one could/would look after her like I would. Anyway, to overcome my feeling like a bad mum for not letting her go and experience life away from home, I agreed to it. Credit where credit's due, she stuck it for about 18 months before she said she didn't want to go anymore.
I had absolutely no complaints about the college and she herself never complained, it just never 'felt right'.
As soon as I got to the college I didn't like it, it gave me a creepy feeling and one which never left me, no matter how many times I visited.
They did LOTS of creative stuff (but as they all had disabilities it's hardly surprising) lots of growing veggies, singing and dancing and even had their own stables. But it also went hand in hand with some religious stuff
You may ask why I allowed my dd to go there if I didn't like it? Well, ex huby was really keen on it, but I just didn't want dd to leave home at all, feeling no-one could/would look after her like I would. Anyway, to overcome my feeling like a bad mum for not letting her go and experience life away from home, I agreed to it. Credit where credit's due, she stuck it for about 18 months before she said she didn't want to go anymore.
I had absolutely no complaints about the college and she herself never complained, it just never 'felt right'.
Really interesting to read everyone's thoughts on this topic and great to share.
Snowdrops: I'm sorry your Steiner experience didn't go well, although at least (I think) you are not saying it was entirely negative, just not quite right for you. The religious stuff is worrying me a bit, particularly since there is no evidence/mention of it in the prospectus, at the open day, from the teachers etc. I don't know how prevalent it is. I had the feeling it was a kind of spiritualism rather than a religion per se, which I don't think I would have a huge issue with as long as it was very low-key... A lot seems to depend on which Steiner school you go for.
Mother Night: Glad your DD got her first choice GS school. I would be very interested to hear updates from you - hopefully positive! - on how she gets on there, as your experience sounds very similar to mine. Good luck with that!
Neurotic Kent Mum: If you see a thread on growing cabbages appear in the Gardener's Question Time forum, you'll know who started it ... I hear what you say about tutoring and I know you are right, but I suppose somewhere at the back of my mind it still has connotations for me of 'hot-housing', and eight just seems so YOUNG for all of this ... (So, you see, I suppose I do overprotect DD and spoil her!)
Anyway, thanks all, once again, for being so open, helpful and positive.
Snowdrops: I'm sorry your Steiner experience didn't go well, although at least (I think) you are not saying it was entirely negative, just not quite right for you. The religious stuff is worrying me a bit, particularly since there is no evidence/mention of it in the prospectus, at the open day, from the teachers etc. I don't know how prevalent it is. I had the feeling it was a kind of spiritualism rather than a religion per se, which I don't think I would have a huge issue with as long as it was very low-key... A lot seems to depend on which Steiner school you go for.
Mother Night: Glad your DD got her first choice GS school. I would be very interested to hear updates from you - hopefully positive! - on how she gets on there, as your experience sounds very similar to mine. Good luck with that!
Neurotic Kent Mum: If you see a thread on growing cabbages appear in the Gardener's Question Time forum, you'll know who started it ... I hear what you say about tutoring and I know you are right, but I suppose somewhere at the back of my mind it still has connotations for me of 'hot-housing', and eight just seems so YOUNG for all of this ... (So, you see, I suppose I do overprotect DD and spoil her!)
Anyway, thanks all, once again, for being so open, helpful and positive.
TW, you're right, it wasn't religion (my wrong choice of words - sorry) it is more about the ethos of the school and spiritualism/well being of the pupils. It was just too creepy for me - but my ex had no problem with it, maybe that says more about our upbringings though. I had no religious background (although I attended church now and then when friends were going, it was a nice morning out ) but my ex-hubby was brought up a strict catholic.
) but my ex-hubby was brought up a strict catholic.Hi there
Not sure how much this helps, but your post rang some bells for me. My shy, underconfident daughter was bottom set for maths at her primary, and we got her some light 1 to 1 tutoring age 8 purely to help her confidence as she was struggling and was keen to improve. we did this for ayear with great results. She liked the tutor who was able to give her the time and patience she was unable to get in a large class. We did not even consider 11 plus at the time. Something just seemed to click and as her maths began to improve, so did her confidence and in fact she began to do better in all her other subjects too. Never really top of the class, although above average in other subjects, her performance dropped off notably after an unpleasent bullying problem worsened and we moved schools about 5 months prior to the Kent test.
The new school was fantastic and they said we should consider a Grammar which had not really entered our heads with all the other probems going on. I, like you had been worrying about our secondary options because the girls who had bullied her would be going to our local school. She was really happy at the new school, although her results had deteriorated, they said she was bright but underperforming. She did a few practice papers. No tutoring in (which I regret now) and achieved great scores in vr and nvr but narrowingly failing in maths.
After a successful appeal she is now year 9 in Grammar, doing really well, very happy and brimming with confidence. Top sets for some subjects, middle for others and bottom for maths. There are plenty of others below her and she happily accepts that it is not her biggest strength but is shining in other subjects and no disgrace to not be a mathmatical genius. She is aiming for a B at gcse which she would be delighted with.
Good luck with your daughter. I would recommend gentle non pressurised tuition if she is happy with this just to help with confidence and see what pans out. Certainly no mention of 11 plus at this early stage because things can change and the right path may become clearer as time goes on.
Not sure how much this helps, but your post rang some bells for me. My shy, underconfident daughter was bottom set for maths at her primary, and we got her some light 1 to 1 tutoring age 8 purely to help her confidence as she was struggling and was keen to improve. we did this for ayear with great results. She liked the tutor who was able to give her the time and patience she was unable to get in a large class. We did not even consider 11 plus at the time. Something just seemed to click and as her maths began to improve, so did her confidence and in fact she began to do better in all her other subjects too. Never really top of the class, although above average in other subjects, her performance dropped off notably after an unpleasent bullying problem worsened and we moved schools about 5 months prior to the Kent test.
The new school was fantastic and they said we should consider a Grammar which had not really entered our heads with all the other probems going on. I, like you had been worrying about our secondary options because the girls who had bullied her would be going to our local school. She was really happy at the new school, although her results had deteriorated, they said she was bright but underperforming. She did a few practice papers. No tutoring in (which I regret now) and achieved great scores in vr and nvr but narrowingly failing in maths.
After a successful appeal she is now year 9 in Grammar, doing really well, very happy and brimming with confidence. Top sets for some subjects, middle for others and bottom for maths. There are plenty of others below her and she happily accepts that it is not her biggest strength but is shining in other subjects and no disgrace to not be a mathmatical genius. She is aiming for a B at gcse which she would be delighted with.
Good luck with your daughter. I would recommend gentle non pressurised tuition if she is happy with this just to help with confidence and see what pans out. Certainly no mention of 11 plus at this early stage because things can change and the right path may become clearer as time goes on.