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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:16 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:04 am
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My partners son goes to an independant school in Hants, currently in year 5.
I believe that the trend for parents at this school is to put their children forward for the 11+. Most children in his class are academically gifted, and come from well off, educated families.
He, on the other hand, performs at a year 4 level, and is currently at a below average level in all subjects. For example, his class average for maths was 80% and his result was 40%. He shows no interest in any kind of school work.
His mother has paid for tutoring for the 11+, as she feels that if all the other mothers in the class are putting their children forward, she should to. She believes that he can be trained to do the papers, regardless of academic ability.
It is so frustrating to stand back and watch the boy struggle every evening with sample papers when he cannot even complete his regular homework. He struggles with his times tables, let alone algebra.
Does anyone know of any literature out there to provide evidence to the mother that at his current academic ranking he is unsuitable for the 11+?
Thanks


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:41 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:01 am
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That is so sad - and you are so right to be concerned. I know 3 parents whose children sound similar to this child. They had their children heavily tutored for 2 years and their out of school lives were dominated by test papers. These children were lovely, but not academic and the parents were very pushy.

The result of this work was failures in the grammar school tests, by a long shot, and 3 very unhappy children, whose confidence and self-esteem must now be very low. She needs to think about her child's needs and not her own need to compete with other parents.
:( I'm sure she doesn't want her child to be unhappy, but he surely will be, if she continues with this course of action.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:46 am 
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harrymilo wrote:
My partners son goes to an independant school in Hants, currently in year 5.

Can he continue at his independant school or does his school feed to another?

I would think the school would advice the parents on the suitability of the dc's for the 11 plus? :)


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:50 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:38 pm
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Location: Maidstone
harrymilo wrote:
Does anyone know of any literature out there to provide evidence to the mother that at his current academic ranking he is


Why dont you let the mother do what she likes? I personally think you should stay out of this if you have already let your partner know how you feel about him taking the 11+. Its not the end of the world if he doesnt pass 11+.

_________________
Impossible is Nothing.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:04 pm
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I feel sorry for all concerned. The mother probably feels pressured to enter her son for the test if everyone else is doing so. The son is probably not having a good time at all doing the preparation and you don't know what to do for the best. If you have said what you have wriiten in your post to your partner then there is not much else you can do, except be there to support them both. Please don't take this the wrong way but if the worst was to happen and her son did not get through then please don't let your partner or her son get the "I knew this would happen" vibe from you. I know you won't do this on purpose but at that time the feelings are very raw and things can be taken the wrong way. So, all you can do now is to be there for them.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:09 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:47 pm
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Location: Essex
I agree with Sherry_d - you should stay out of it. You are not his mother. I wouldn't make the bullets for the father to fire, either. His DS may or may not pass the 11+ but will benefit from the work done in preparation. Even if the mother is wrong, it must be of great comfort to the child to know he has someone who believes in him.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:11 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
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You mention that most of the class are "academically gifted" I'm sure that can't be the case...there must be some children who are a similar level to this child.Are they all definitely taking the 11 plus ?. When I sat down with my son with papers I found it incredibly hard and frustrating at times when he made mistakes etc and I'm sure your partner must find this too, especially if he isn't at this level...he must be getting a lot wrong ?!!

Maybe suggest he is seen once by a 11 plus tutor, who should be honest and say if she / he feels it is beyond him. I would have thought struggling with 11 + papers would be enough to suggest he isn't at this level? What other secondary school would he go to ? do other children from the school go to ?

What sort of personality does your partners son have ? Is he getting upsept by it all ? If you worked on the basics with him,would he catch up ? If your partner does go ahead,on a positive note at least he will have had one to one extra work which can only benefit him. :D


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