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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 3:42 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:01 pm
Posts: 23
........... the 11 Plus.

I read the following article the other day and wondered if this applies to the mothers at your school.

http://www.weeklygripe.co.uk/a243.asp

For instance, at my school there are two mothers who were once best friends. Both their children sat the 11 Plus exam. One child passed, the other didn't. Now the mother of the child that didn't pass totally blanks the mother of child who passed and now they are enemies!! :shock:

Another example is a very snobby at my child's school who looked down her nose at the mothers who she deemed as inferior to her!! :roll: She use to sneer at them whenever she saw them. Her son passed the 11 Plus exam, however, the children of the mothers she looked down her nose at also passed the 11 Plus exam. I heard her sniping about the mothers she dislikes saying she ''can't believe their children passed the 11 Plus as they are not good enough for grammar school'' :shock: Instead of sneering at these mothers, she now gives them evil looks when they are waiting in the school playground to collect their children. :shock:

Is there competitiveness / enviousness amongst mothers at your school as a result of the 11 plus?


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:52 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:57 pm
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Actually, I think you mean 'envy' - there is no such word as enviousness - (looks down one's nose emoticon).


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:20 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:08 pm
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Yes and no!

In our area the 11 plus is definately opt in and superselective so not many sit it. DD is the only one of six who sat it at her school to get in. We have had no trouble with the parents or children who also sat the exam. In the playground a couple of days after the results one of the girls who didn't get in was seen hugging my daughter because "she was going to be on her own at secondary school", and the parents have been congratulatory, one hugging DD in the street the other day (much to her surprise)! Whether this is because they appreciate what she went through I don't know.

The girls who are upsetting my DD are a group who, I think were capable of sitting it, but who chose not to. They have now decided that she is not worth being friendly with since she will not be at school with them next year, and are alternately shunning her or talking about her just in her hearing range. :(
Some parents who I have known for years have not mentioned it (I am obviously not going to) but there is a definate feeling that it is a taboo subject. I don't know whether it is envy or that they just disagree with our choice of school.

It is a shame as it affects what should be a fun last term at primary school for her.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:16 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 12:06 pm
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Location: Birmingham
I am a bit of an outsider/not one of the gang anyway at the Primary school, but I felt saddened and a bit shocked when some Mums started to be rather rude/staring in a rather aggressive way after my ds1 passed his exam. :(

Actually I am a bit slow on these things, so I thought maybe I've accidentally stood on someone's chihuahua or something...I mentioned to my son that one boy's Mum in particular had been freaking me out and I couldn't understand it, he was the one who then said it was because the boy hadn't passed for Grammar, and I think they had wanted him too. Although I wasn't aware of him receiving tuition or anything. I did feel shocked that the Mum would 'take it out' on me.
We assume that when people become parents they will grow up but sadly some remain quite immature, and maybe that is what it is?
There seem to be more boys trying in my second son's year, some with lots of tuition, so the fallout could be worse this time. If my son didn't pass I would feel sad for him, as I know Grammar school would suit him, but I would hope this wouldn't affect my own behaviour.

I did have good friends whose children did not pass and it did not affect our friendship at all...they are generous people who, although probably disappointed themselves, still warmly congratulated us on my son's achievement. And fortunately their children did get into good state schools.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:47 am 
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I haven't seen any - but then my daughter didn't get into the grammar! :lol:

We only have one family friend who has a daughter headed to our DD's chosen school and we were so delighted for her it suprised even me - we had begun to wonder if the entire Year 7 was going to be empty in September because there has been so many families with bad news. This child goes to a much more 11+ centred school than my DD (no one from her year got in at all) and her mum says there have been some snide comments at the school gates there because the children who got in were not the ones that people had expected.

The child and parents that I know who have been the victim of the most envy and back biting is the little girl who is going to an Independent School!

People are weird where their children are concerned - so glad no one like that posts here. :wink:


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:24 am 
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I can't say I've seen any behaviour such as that described in the article....but then the mothers whose children took the 11 plus at our school are all friends so I think we would have been supportive etc anyway as we all know each other well .( the children all passed too ) There is one mother who was obsessed before the test about her child getting into a super selective and the poor boy was shipped off to a tutor every day in the summer hols with said mother berating him loudly when he only got 99.9 % in each practice test..but we all have a good old laugh about her anyway :oops: :lol:

I have to say it seemed more awkward with the parents whose children didn't take the test and I did note in the run up a few parents didn't maintain eye contact etc, but it's all back to normal now and we're just discussing things like m&s shirts v next...bus passes etc....same old, same old !!!!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:09 am 
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This time last year when my dd was in year 6 she came home saying she had to put a few of the children at school right. I asked her why and she said at dinner she sat with some chilren that she had shared ability tables with a few years ago - this was the 3rd table in maths! My dd made a massive stride in year 5 in this area. They talked about the schools they would be going to and one boy said to my dd -
"oh my mum said you only got into grammar because you went to a tutor all the time".
We couldnt afford a tutor for dd so i had worked with her at home from 9 mths before the exam on 11 plus work. She turned round and put them straight saying -
"I didnt have a tutor - my mum helped me at home - your mum could have done the same with you."
I knew these dc's mums and they never once asked me if dd went to a tutor.
The 11 plus kids mums were fine - even the ones whoes dc's didnt pass.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:28 am 
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Tiredmum....I have found that with some of the mums who didn't put their child in for the 11 plus, I felt I had to play down my son's abilities because it was a bit awkward and I did have lots of comments along the lines of is it fair just scraping through and then he will struggle, but I just let them get on with it as it probably made them feel a bit better...the proof would be in the pudding and Ds did well ...but yes, lots of parents find it amazing that you can actually do work at home with your child ! When DS passed someone asked me who was his tutor and I said, well he didn't have one, I just helped him and she stared at me and said...but you're not a teacher :shock: another lady asked what to do so I explained which books etc and she just kept saying she didn't understand and another lady kept moaning about her son not being able to read and when I suggested doing bits and pieces at home she snapped...well, it's not up to me ! If I wanted to be a teacher I bloomin' well would have been one ! ( not likely I was thinking !)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:57 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:38 pm
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Location: Maidstone
I dont get involved in any playground politics at all so I dont know if this happens in our school or not.

Just once I heard the mum of DD's friend who didnt take 11+ moaning why parent tutor their children because if they are bright then they dont need tutoring. I just laughed it off in my head because this is a mum who drags her DD off 3 times a week to some dance and music school. On top she goes to lots of auditions I just wish I'd have asked her why hers does all this if she is a naturally gifted perfomer :lol: .

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:35 pm 
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Location: East Kent
There are always people with strange prejudices in school playgrounds, I remember one member of the PTFA who automatically blanked me and refused to take anything I said seriously as I 'only' taught the special needs class- so obviously below her radar and not a 'real' teacher


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