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 Post subject: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 7:49 am 
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Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:06 am
Posts: 59
Hi

I've been lurking on here and other sites for a while now, gaining lots of useful tips as my DD goes through Y5. Unfortunately all this lurking is starting to feed my anxiety and I don't think it's helpful for me or DD if I allow myself to get too worked up about it all. We live in an area of London where there's a lot of school anxiety anyway and I need to calm down I think! So I've banned myself for a while.

But before I go.... Is there anything you wish you'd done/known/thought of at the end of Y5/beginning of Y6? Not so much with looking at schools etc, but anything that was particularly helpful or unhelpful for your DCs or yourselves?

I'd just like to know we're doing the best we can (while not driving myself insane googling things if possible!)

Thank you!


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 9:28 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:57 pm
Posts: 1167
.


Last edited by Belinda on Thu Nov 01, 2012 11:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 9:31 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
Posts: 4606
The only thing I regret with DC1 is not knowing about this site. If I had I would have known that the tutor was using the wrong materials and I would have had the support of all those helpful EPE people out there.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:09 am 
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Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 9:44 am
Posts: 49
Agree with Belinda and scary!

Not sure how well it really worked but I kept reminding myself:
- Be convincingly positive to DC that they will go to a good-enough school. Some schools will need more adjusting than others, so it's about getting an easier time, not a good/bad result
- DCs pick up any tension you and their classmates have, and amplify these in all sort of strange directions, so occasional checking is helpful
- Never pass a contemptuous comment about a school, DC may end up there and the split second of negativity could cloud their time there.
- Everyone survives this, so it's about minimizing the frayed nerves on show between now and March.

And lots of treats in between to give moments of relief and space to voice any fears. DD especially loved a quiet lunch after visiting a school, always good for getting their take on places and weeding out any non-runners.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
Posts: 4606
I would also say that things usually seem to turn out for the best. DC1 did not get into grammar school at 11 (see above), went to a school that managed to give DC confidence in their abilities and went to grammar school in year 10. Had DC got in at 11 it would have been to a different grammar school, which I do not think would have been the right one, and would never have gained confidence . It's been very tough at times but DC1 is in the right place now. :D

PS another piece of advice is "don't sweat the small stuff" - ie mainly the things other parents at the school gate say!!


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:28 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:22 am
Posts: 3664
I'm sure you'll continue to have the odd sneaky look on here ! I've banned myself lots of times but will usually give myself a reprieve ! :)

I know what you mean about getting all hyped up, but I think you will still feel anxious and it's good to know that others are going through the same or have done and can offer appropriate advice.I used to stress about my son going to the local school but after reading some posts on here from parents who do have children about to go to their local comp ...it's made me realise that you can find positives in everything and you don't need to get stressed ..it will often work itself out. The best advice is to keep your worries to your self and make this transitional year as great as possible for your daughter. I find I'm really close to my son after the 11 plus work etc and I'm noticing the same is happening with my next son who's gearing up for the test. Try and enjoy it ! I feel quite excited this time round and I know that whatever happens it will all turn out fine . :)


Oooh UnscaryMum....just overlapped with you ....we've said the same, great minds must think alike !


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 5:48 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 8228
Oh yes, this school stuff is all such a mystery. I've looked at two independents (junior departments) recently but you know I'm not really convinced that my children would end up with any different NC levels than if they stayed at a state primary school with some problems. So maybe whatever secondary school your DCs end up in year 7, it won't make that much difference to their final grades? Who knows, you can only do your best and not pass your worries (which I guess most people have at some point in time as they feel so responsible for their children) on to your children.

I know of a year 6 child at the moment whose parent has said no to the school offer they have received; this is so suicidal. Not only are they risking just ending up with any old school place in a terribly inconvenient place, but if they end up at the school they turned down the child is always going to know that their parent thinks it is not good enough in some way. So I echo the other poster who says never run a school down in any way in front of a child as you might end up with it, and also they may get friends at that school and communicate their thoughts to that child and upset them.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 10:32 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 25, 2011 7:06 am
Posts: 59
Thanks everyone - reassuring words (and I'm sure I won't be able to stay away altogether scarlett - good to know I'm not the only one trying to ban myself!)

Very useful point about not running down any school. I hadn't thought of that but you're right - even a slightly negative comment could make them feel really bad if they do end up there.

Feel loads less stressed already!


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:25 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
Posts: 6691
Location: Herts
We had a public and private opinion about schools and only voiced the private opinion among very trusted friends. Prepare to enter a period of your life when you are in competition with your friends and your children are in competition with theirs. You may find that some of these friendships cannot survive this pressure. Prepare to be very publically disliked by parents who are not prepared to take on the work that getting into a selective school requires. Make sure you ask your dcs lots of open ended questions about how they are feeling as it is a very stressful time for everyone including siblings. Back right off for a while if it all gets too much. Dont believe any reassuring words from the school, they are simply not qualified to judge how your dc will measure up against the other candidates nor do they have any idea how much work previous candidates from the school have done at home. Year after year at our school top table inhabitants blow it and unexpected candidates from third table secure a place. Over confidence and far too much eulogising by the school robbed all our candidates from our school this year of a place. Remember it is not how your dc does but how all the others do that matters. Try and enter as many large environments where you will meet others who will be your rivals, county maths challenge, junior maths challenge, and as many mocks as you can find. If your desired school writes their own papers then spend as much time as you can there at open days as you will have a greater chance of absorbing what they are looking for. DG


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 Post subject: Re: Advice going into Y6
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:32 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:30 pm
Posts: 960
Daogroupie - paranoid, much?!


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